Sunday, August 31, 2014

Remembering: "Because it's what you brought me back to see, to sit in the moment."


Clammy air full of moon-mist on a warm summer's night
Many of those nights
Sharing breath, your hand in mine 
My feet in boots, favorite red dress
The way his words thrilled as I found the confidence of confirmation
Universe widens and gapes, its yawn threatening my tiny ego of existence
Dream so deep I thought I was awake until you kissed me falling into another dream
Her tiny fingers reaching for me, not just once, but over and over and over
Walking first-time across wood floors of the house now mine
That I am beautiful
That my name is beautiful 
That the act of naming, of being named, is beautiful    
Allowing the gold to mingle with the red 
Terror of standing on the edge of comprehension... looking over the edge
Facing him for once without fear
That He may not be Safe, but He is Good
Roads traveled while singing with full soul and voice
His voice trembling with earnestness: "I want to be good."
Falling asleep to the sound of your heartbeat
The moment when she suddenly straightened and looked at me with fire
Blow after blow as each one says goodbye
Walking with freedom and shedding guilt with every step
Coming to terms with my dis-able-to-function's that continue to frustrate
Dinner doesn't always have to be perfect
House doesn't always have to be clean
Feeling once more the pen in my hands work its magic
Being taught the difference between "you can" and "you may"
Saying "no" and sighing in relief instead of shame
Saying "yes" and diving off the branch into thin air like a bird 
Learning to fly again
Learning to love again
Remembering


Weaving words along with Write A.L.M.'s August Prompt-a-Day

Thursday, August 28, 2014

A Day in Our Home-Schooling LIfe

It's not something I talk about a lot over here anymore, but we are beginning our first year as a home-schooling family! We've been planning on home-schooling for a long time; my husband was home-schooled for several years, and I was home-schooled until I began attending college classes at sixteen. If you're interested or curious to see what one of our typical days looks like, come on over to my other blog and check it out!


Monday, August 25, 2014

Currently I Am....


Listening... to Parov Stelar's album "The Princess". On repeat. Over and over and over. Mixed in with a little Prokofiev, because why not. Definitely going to look for a symphonic version with a better tempo than this recording, though.

Eating... watermelon, poached eggs on toast, gross boxed pasta, left-over jasmine rice, potstickers, and corn. Can you tell that I badly need to go grocery shopping?

Drinking... not nearly enough water. And sneaking sips of my sister's huge jug of sweet iced tea.

Wearing... all my favorite summer dresses to beat the St. Louis heat. With boots sometimes instead of sandals, when I'm channeling one of my favorite Miyazaki characters.

Wanting... my guitars to magically change their own strings, rather than me have to do it.

Needing... to return this library book that I desperately wish were mine.

Thinking... about how love can be such an incredible part of our stories.

Feeling... full of things that I want to write, hoping for that 25th hour of the day so I can sit down and write some of it, but also enjoying special moments with my Tiny, as she learns to stretch her wings.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Liebster Award



Last year, one of the other blogs I write was nominated for the Liebster Award, and this year another fellow mama-musician blogger has nominated this blog for the same. Awesome! Thank you, Selwa, for the nomination : ) The idea behind the Liebster is to build the blogging community up by helping people become noticed by a bigger audience.

In accordance with the rules of the award, I'm following these steps:

1. Reading the answers of the questions written by the blogger who nominated me.

2. Nominating eleven different bloggers who have less than five hundred followers.

3. Writing a post here featuring the Liebster Award and answering the questions given by the blogger who nominated me.

4. Letting the bloggers I've nominated know that they deserve the Liebster.

So here are my answers to the questions give by Selwa!

1. Why did you start blogging?   It was back in 2007 when I was in college and had a LOT to say. Twenty year-olds are quite opinionated ; )  Don't worry, the vast majority of all my youthful ramblings have been either deleted or moved elsewhere! But the habit of sharing my thoughts stuck, although over the years my motivation to blog has changed. 

2. What motivates you to continue blogging on a regular basis?   These days my blog is used to document my life for my own benefit and for family members to see, and also as a place to work through the mysterious or hard places in life. Writing is the way I process everything. 

3. What's your favorite post that you've written? A Christmas Miracle: Finding Jane

4. Favorite color?   This changes based on the day, based on the season, based on my mood! My current-at-the-moment synesthetic responses also affect it. I just love color!

5. Of the blogs you follow, what are your top three favorites?   the habit of being, soule mama, and journey mama.

6. What other blogs have you written for besides your own?   I currently write at two other blogs, although one of them has been sadly neglected for a while. Life is the Teacher is my place to explore education and my role as a teacher and home-schooling mother, while Unwrapping Love is where my friend Heather and I are documenting our journey into gratitude by listing one thousand blessings we are thankful for. I've also thought about creating a secret blog one day, where I could freely write anything I chose under a different name... we'll see if that ever happens!

7. What interests do you have, other than blogging?   That would be a toss-up between reading and music and knitting and nature, as far as my personal hobbies go! Then of course I love being with my family, hanging out with friends, cooking good food without having to clean up afterwards, snuggling, and thrift store shopping.

8. What is your number one goal as a blogger?   To explore who I am and hopefully speak truth into my own life and into other's lives and to love the mystery of our existence! Oh, that was three goals...

9. What's the top item on your bucket list?   To go back to Europe, and hopefully see my friends from Germany again, one day! I think I left a little piece of my heart in tiny Bad Nauheim.

10. Who is your biggest inspiration?   There are different people who inspire me in different areas of life. My friend Nicole inspires me with her knitting projects and vivacious, unafraid way of playing with yarn. My friend Heather inspires me as a thoughtful person, with her conversations and her writing. My friend Alec inspires me with his tenacity and musicality as a guitarist. My mom inspires me to be the best mother I can be. My husband Chris inspires me with his calm, laid-back manner. My childhood guitar teacher, Kelli, and my college guitar teacher, John, inspire me to be the best teacher for my students. There are so many inspiring folks out there!

11. What's your favorite topic to blog about?   There's no favorite. I like writing about everything! 


Okay, here are the eleven people I'm nominating for the Liebster Award:

the habit of being

Rachel at Clean

Under the Big Blue Sky

Poco Mountain Girl

Fourwood Thinking

Peace, Love, and Spit-up: Life Written Down

PJ, Your Friend

student in heels

mighty violet

becoming claudine

milagro girl



These are the questions I'd love to see answered by those I've nominated:

1. If you could suddenly jump up right now and go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

2. Name three people who inspire you, and why!

3. What book(s) are currently on your bedside table?

4. When was the last time a stranger made you smile, and why?

5. Do you have a calendar, a day planner, a smartphone, sticky notes, a to-do list? How do you plan and keep track of life?

6. How would you describe your fashion style?

7. If someone could magically bring you whatever food you're currently craving, what would it be?

8. What do you think of when you look up at the stars?

9. Name a song that is speaking straight to your soul these days.

10. Do you still have any of your childhood toys?

11. Are there any subjects that you don't like to blog about? Why?

Thank you again to Selwa for nominating me for this award! I look forward to seeing more lovely bloggers pass on the joy.




Thursday, August 14, 2014

Should I get a tattoo?

Tattoos. A symptom of rebellion, or a way to express yourself? An ugly way to disfigure your body, or a beautiful work of human art? A stupid choice, or a thoughtful decision?

I've heard both sides of the argument. A lot of what people believe seems to depend on how conservative their family was/is, and how old they are. Tattoos seem to be losing their edgy symbolism these days, but many adults still consider them to be a bad choice.

The only body art I've ever had was henna, so I am currently unmarked. My husband, awesome as he is, has never liked the look or permanency of tattoos, so because I kiiiiiiiiinda like him a lot *coughunderstatementcough* I have not had a tattoo out of respect for that. And despite the question in this post's title, I don't plan on getting one. We both have our personal choices, yet since he has to look at me every day, I'm fine with keeping my body free of ink for his sake ; )  However, I very much enjoy many tattoos I've seen.

So what do you think? Are tattoos a good idea? Can there be meaningful tattoos? Is it better to get a tattoo that can be covered up? Let me know!

In the process of getting a henna tattoo, drawn by my talented sister

Weaving words along with everyone else as part of Write Alm's August Prompt-a-Day.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Serenade


Heavenly shimmers of light, planet and star
Explosions of life trickling down from afar
Neither so bright as your heart, by my sight
Loving, knowing what you are

Orange moon rising, mist formed and rimmed
Mingling of water and midnight sun dimmed
Hand in hand walk, river and flame
Crickets, tree whispers, night breeze the summer hymn

Eyes ever changing from grey, green, blue
Staring at the night, sky-ocean in your view
Sparks of remote fire wreathed in cloud
Star's singing breath drawing me to you

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

The Days Are Running, Exploding


I keep telling myself that it'll be fine
You can't make everybody happy all of the time
I found myself in a place that I've never been
A place that I thought I would never be
There's people looking back at me

~ Paranoia in B-Flat Major, The Avett Brothers


You dream of colors that have never been made
You imagine songs that have never been played
(They will try to buy you and your mind)
They will try to buy you and your mind
Only the curious have something to find

~ This Side, Nickel Creek


One of these mornings you're gonna rise up singing
And you'll spread your wings and you'll take to the sky
But 'til that morning, there ain't nothing can harm you
With daddy and mammy standing by

~ Summertime, Ella Fitzgerald



Walk your walk and don't look back
Always do what you decide
Don't let them control your life
That's just how I feel
Fight for yours and don't let go
Don't let them compare you, no
Don't worry, you're not alone
That's just how we feel

~ Am I Wrong, Nico and Vinz


And all she ever thinks about is memories of soaring through the sky
'Cause she remembers having wings
But she's forgotten what it feels like to fly
And all I want to do is fly, just fly
And all I want to do is fly,
Just fly!

~ Fly to Paradise, Eric Whitacre


And I've come to be untroubled in my seeking
And I come to see that nothing is for naught
I've come to reach out blind
To reach forward and behind
For the more I seek, the more I'm sought
Yeah, the more I seek, the more I'm sought

~ Hymn #101, Joe Pug


You light me up inside
Like the 4th of July
Whenever you're around
I always seem to smile
And people ask me how 
Well you're the reason why
I'm dancing in the mirror, singing in the shower

~ Shower, Becky G

 
and here is a secret they never will share
for whom create is less than have
or one times one than when times where—
that we are in love,that we are in love:
with us they've nothing times nothing to do
(for love are in we am in i are in you)
 
~ The Great Advantage of Being Alive, e.e. cummings