Playing Life's Guitar

100th Blog Post!

2010-07-10T12:34:00.000-06:00

So this is my 100th blog since I began writing here! Woohoo! And according to the blogger's code, I am writing 100 facts about me. Be prepared for complete randomness. Also, because I JUST GOT MARRIED, I will be starting a new blog. See my Facebook page soon for the new link!

1. Until I was fourteen years old, everybody called me Ally. After that I wanted to be called Alyssa. I don't quite remember why. Now I'm mostly called Lyssa by my friends.

2. I was born in California.

3. My family, consisting of my mom, stepdad Sean, and sister Emily, are the most wonderful people in the world. The only person I could love as much as I love them is...

4. ...my husband, Mozart-Man. As various lines in my poetry describe, he is my guiding star, he is "the earth-feeder, I a white bird". We balance each other. I could not imagine spending my life with any other person.

5. Besides my family and future husband, my circle of friends vary greatly in age and occupation. Two of my very best friends are a sixteen year old guitarist and an eighty-seven year old lady whom I knit with almost every week.

6. My secret music passion is techno, even in spite of my being a classically-trained musician.

7. I am allergic to almost everything that grows and breathes in the outdoors except for mold and bird feathers.

8. My dreams are almost always vivid, bizarre, and memorable.

9. The end scenes of Disney movies Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, and Sleeping Beauty scared me so much as a kid that I don't think I was ever able to sit through the entire show without covering my eyes or running screaming out of the room.

10. Bright colors bothered me until I was in my late teens. So I wore dark or muted clothing all the time, with no patterns like stripes or dots or sequins.

11. The worst (and usually most effective) punishment my mom could ever use to discipline my bad behavior as a child was to take away the privilege of reading for a day. It was pure torture to not be allowed to open up one of my precious books! I would always try to change my behavior for the better and count the hours until the next day when I could dive back into my reading again.

12. My sister's birthday is the day before mine. The day after she was born, I went to see her and my mom in the hospital (it was my fifth birthday), and I remember being completely elated that we could take her home with us! I still consider Em the best birthday present ever : )

13. Wassily Kandinsky is my favorite visual artist.

14. Hayao Miyazaki is one of the greatest filmmakers of all time.

15. If I don't watch where I'm going, I will walk into walls. And trees.

16. Large crowds bother me. They feel too full of thoughts and emotions.

17. People-watching is one of my absolute favorite pastimes. The only tricky thing about it is trying to not look like a creepy stalker.

18. I make many, many, many mistakes.

19. I will eat honey straight out of the jar.

20. Spanish, Esperanto, Latin, and French are the only other languages I ever attempted to learn, and I suck hardcore at all of them. I'm just not cut out for foreign languages.

21. I was home-schooled my entire life until I went to college.

22. One time when I was helping a friend fill up his hummingbird feeder, a live hummingbird flew up and rested on my finger. It was an absolutely incredible moment.

23. Roller coasters make me ill.

24. Although my mother, sister, dad, maternal grandmother, and maternal great-grandmother are amazingly talented artists, I missed that gene, and can barely draw stick figures. Though I love playing with colored pencils and paint.

25. I wanted to start playing classical guitar when I was four years old, but wasn't able to start guitar lessons until four years later.

26. My mom read out loud to me almost every day (and night) from the time I was an infant all the way through elementary school. We read together as a family after that quite frequently, and now I still enjoy hearing her read out loud.

27. I write much more fluently than I speak. I'm shy... get nervous talking in front of people... can never think of the right words to say... and sometimes stutter.

28. The fourteen different places I've lived in my life have made me accustomed to constant change. I actually enjoy moving now.

29. Through process of experimentation, I've developed a killer recipe for chai tea.

30. From what my mom tells me I said my first word when I was five months old: "Hair".

31. About 70% of all the guys I've ever been seriously attracted to were/had been Catholic. Weird trend.

32. Zucchini is gross, except when hidden in zucchini bread baked by my mom.

33. The first vegetable successfully grown by Yours Truly was tomatillos. What the heck is that, you say? Well, let me just tell you that they are not generally used in traditional American dishes, look like little green tomatoes with a papery coat on, and they don't taste very good. But they grew like the dickens below my bedroom window. And that was all that mattered to a nine year old. Look for them the next time you go to the grocery store.

34. I had three imaginary friends who appeared when I was about ten. One was named Link, one Chip, and one Flash. They phased through other names briefly, but always came back to those. They lasted about nine years.

35. Only one of my good friends was a girl when I was growing up. All the rest of my friends were boys. We got along better.

36. Climbing trees has been a beloved pastime of mine since I was four.

37. Doctors continually classify me as underweight. I think it's called "high metabolism and a dislike for most meats".

38. When the Lord of the Rings movies first came out in the theaters, my friends and I were so enamored that we dressed like elves at the movie theater and wrote letters to each in elvish for about three years. Can you say "ultra nerd"?

39. I used to want ten children. Now I'd like to have five. But it'll most likely end up being between three and four.

40. My first guitar student was a little boy named Carlo. I was sixteen, he was about eight. He doesn't play guitar anymore, but he lives in Italy now and we keep in touch occasionally.

41. At this point, I've taught over one hundred fifty guitar students. Not all at once.

42. I strive to focus my life around the person and teachings of Jesus Christ, who I believe to be the one true hope for mankind, serving Him in thankfulness with the abilities He has given me in the circumstances that He places me. That's the basic theme of my existence; I'm not going to get into theology or worldview discussions here. (Notice that I put this fact on question number 42. Ever read "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"? The meaning of life is 42. Heh.)

43. My guitars are named Rubio and Elphaba.

44. I still write and receive handwritten letters.

45. My mom is so cool that she let me sleep on the top shelf of my closet for about two months when I was a kid. I was the envy of the neighborhood.

46. Vampires AND werewolves are stupid.

47. Milk products make my tummy hurt.

48. When I first read Shakespeare at twelve years old, I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

49. The only music I could tolerate being played on the radio in the house and car up until I was fourteen years old was classical music.

50. My earliest musical memories are of dancing in the living room to Vivaldi's Four Seasons and covering my ears as my dad tried to play the Beetles' song Yellow Submarine.

51. Supposedly I have a great-great-great-grandmother who was from Ireland.

52. When I walk, my big toes stretch out away from the other little toes. It makes my feet look weird.

53. Sometimes I forget what I'm saying as I'm saying it.

54. One of my goals is to become familiar with the songs of native Missouri birds.

55. Ships and airplanes freak me out. Or, rather, I should say that being on water and in the air freak me out. Not the vehicles themselves.

56. I hate watching t.v. Unfortunately, it's rather addictive.

57. But I do enjoy watching non-suspensful, not-overly-mushy movies occasionally.

58. If I like a movie/CD, I will watch/listen to it on repeat for days at a time. This drives everyone around me bonkers. Only I can have "Pirates of Penzance" on twice a day for three weeks and not go mad.

59. I used to collect stamps, coins, rocks, moss, yarn, and books. Now I collect yarn, books, and plants.

60. Fire has always been an immense fascination.

61. One of the only ways I can remember anything is if I make it into a song.

62. One of my nicknames in childhood used to be Hazel, or Hazel-Rah, from "Watership Down" by Richard Adams. This book taught me a lot about who I wanted to be. I was never the strongest, most intelligent, most wise, most outgoing, or most humorous of my young friends, but quite often, I ended up as the leader of the group because I was willing to make a decision and face the consequences, and take risks for the group. It's still one of my favorite books to read.

63. I met the musician Sting when I was seventeen. He gave a master class on composition at the university I attended; it was very interesting, and the acoustic performance he gave was lovely!

64. The library (any library) is my favorite public place to be.

65. Of course, my favorite place of all is anywhere my family is : )

66. I own only one pair of shorts, but I never wear them except as pajamas.

67. My sister and I like making the peace sign when our pictures are being taken.

68. The most popular t.v. shows in my house when I was growing up were Reading Rainbow, Wishbone, Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, Sesame Street, Barney, and the Antique Road Show. Yeah. We liked antiques.

69. I am an extremely touch-sensitive person. I love getting hugs and being as close as possible to the people I know well (to the point of crowding them), but if a stranger touches me, even accidentally, I feel hyper-aware of it.

70. I tend to learn lessons the hard way.

71. When I was a child, I was completely convinced that I had magic powers that would allow me to see tiny people that nobody else could see and talk to animals.

72. Also, I had a magic stone that would turn my bicycle into a flying horse.

73. All kinds of weather make me happy. Maybe it's because the weather changes so often. And I like change.

74. The only sport I was ever good at was track and field, and even then it wasn't really the running that I could do, it was long-jumping.

75. The long-jumping is what earned me one of my nicknames in high-school: The Toad.

76. As a kid I used to love reading the books Genesis, Exodus, Joshua, Judges, 1st and 2nd Samuel, and 1st and 2nd Kings from the Bible. They were filled with exciting stories that made me wonder who the heck God really was.

77. When I was a young teenager, I would often read Psalms and Proverbs from the Bible. The poetry I liked. The wisdom I was pretty sure would be useful.

78. Legos were the toy of choice throughout most of my growing up years.

79. I didn't learn how to type on a computer until I was eleven. Before then, I wrote my poetry, stories, and diary on paper.

80. I'm pretty sure I get slightly dehydrated quite a bit, because I'm rarely thirsty, so I never remember to drink water.

81. My body naturally inclines towards being a night owl, but I like waking up early in the morning better. It's a constant war against myself.

82. "Lucille" was the only doll I ever loved. My grandmother got her for me when I was an infant, and she came complete with a little green jumper, bonnet, and adoption certificate of "Cabbage Patch". She was my constant until I was about twelve years old.

83. The most popular game in the homeschool group I grew up in was called "Medicine Tree". It was like a cross between Robin Hood and a primitive outdoor hospital. Usually Robin would be played by my friend Ryan, with the evil Sheriff and Queen roles switched around to various kids. There was a Jester, several Archers, Soldiers, animals (younger siblings), Messengers, Gatherers, and sometimes a Spy. I was almost always Maid Marian.

84. Skittles are my favorite candy. Followed by Butterfingers.

85. One of my deepest desires is to try to fix things, whether they be people or objects.

86. In order to do that, I have to understand what makes them tick, which means a lot of studying and/or taking them apart. I don't take apart people, though. Too messy.

87. As I get older I realize more and more that I can't fix people. I can only give help where I am able and let God do the rest. This doesn't mean that I am always okay with letting go.

88. Cooking food is fun.

89. Eating food is even better.

90. Eating food with friends is the best.

91. Eating food with friends out in nature is glorious.

92. While I don't have two left feet, I fail at any kind of dancing that doesn't have a set pattern. But I do love to dance.

93. I am a radical in this world because I believe in absolute truth, ultimate goodness, and definable beauty.

94. I love it when children give me pictures they have drawn.

95. The two hardest things for me to do are to forgive as I have been forgiven and to have patience.

96. Yoga is super relaxing and fun to do, but I never have enough discipline to consistently practice it.

97. Synesthesia is very important in my everyday life. I see colors when I hear music, read words, or talk to people.

98. It seems like most people look at the world and think "so what?". Wouldn't it be interesting if everyone thought "what if?".

99. I want to live to be a hundred years old.

100. "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"

Thoughts on Current Music Culture

2010-07-10T12:23:00.000-06:00

Mozart-Man had to leave for work at 5:30 this morning, so I woke up to make sure that he had a lunch to take (actually, I'd been lying awake since about 4:30 or so). Of course, I couldn't go back to sleep. So I turned on the t.v. and accidentally found a music video channel. I rarely watch music videos, and don't even remember the last time I ever saw a music video on t.v. After an hour of watching them, I came to the conclusion that the vast majority of modern music videos follow one (or several) of these four themes:

- The world is an overly-sexualized place.

- Possession of another person is love. (Obsessive love is the mild version.)

- Cool people rebel against the norm in drastic ways, often involving violence or acts of perversion.

- Broken love is both unique and universal (my two cents: because people are inherently flawed, they will ultimately let you down, so idolizing a person will only end in disappointment).

Out of the music videos I saw, there were only two songs that did not fit one of these categories (that I could hear; I may not have caught all the lyrics) but were really boring:

"All In" by LifeHouse

"Breathe" by Ryan Star

There were a few songs that were slightly catchy:

"I Wanna Be a Billionaire" by... uh... I didn't catch the artist.

"King of Anything" by Sarah Bareilles

"If It's Love" by Train

"Airplanes" by B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams

The King of Anything song fit categories 3 and 4. As far as I could tell, the other three songs didn't fit any of the categories, but I couldn't tell what all the lyrics were, so I'm not certain. But even though they were catchy, they were nothing out of the ordinary as far as chord progression, rhythm, lyrics, or performance.

All in all, every single song was mediocre, and most were asinine and pointless, even degrading or revolting in some cases. Lack of true creativity pervaded every scene. It was depressing to watch. If this is what our culture values, then I could almost wish for the end of the culture.

It would depend on what replaced it.

Reverse Racism, edited

2010-05-08T11:47:00.002-06:00

This topic has been floating around in my thoughts for the past few weeks after it was mentioned by a friend. I've done some online research, read several articles in books I own, and especially searched the Bible for what it has to say on the subject of reverse racism, so any ideas that I come up with are not original. The book that was the most helpful in clarifying my theories was "Postmodern Times: A Christian Guide to Contemporary Thought and Culture", by Gene Edward Veith. I highly recommend it.

I had to decide, initially, how the actual question should be formed. Was the issue
- "Does reverse racism exist?"
- "Should reverse racism exist?"
- "What should the government do/not do about reverse racism"?
- "What should we the people do about reverse racism?"

In answer to the primary question, yes, I do believe that reverse racism exists in the 21st century in America. The extreme prejudice white males (and even, to some extent, white females) meet with when they attempt to express pride for their "heritage" or "identity" on a college campus is just one example of an underlying racism against white Americans. To the second question, no, I think reverse racism should not exist, and the reasons why will hopefully become clear as I delve into the last question. I will leave the question about the government's role until the end.

In defining who "we the people" are it is necessary to decide whom the word "we" involves. Does this mean American citizens, humanity as a whole, or the individual according to his own convictions? The only way I am able to answer the question "what should we the people do about reverse racism" is by looking at it through the lens of a person who believes that the Bible is the infallible Word of God and is completely relevant to every facet of life. As I see it, there is no sacred/secular divide in the Bible's applicability.

Cultural identity is an intrinsic part of the human heritage. Whether one is from Ireland, England, Africa, Brazil, or Japan, societal traditions will most likely have some influence over your personal, familial, religious, or public life. There is nothing inherently wrong with this; however, when a person becomes a Christian, their allegiance must change. "Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all" (Colossians 3:11). Also, in Galations 3:27-28, "All of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus". This means that the outward identification of gender, ethnicity, or class status is no longer the most important means of determining one's position, because true self-identity is found in our relationship with Christ, the ultimate equalizer of human "rank". Membership in the body of Christ transcends fidelity to any other human institution. This was just as radical when Paul preached it to the early Christian church as it is today, when the echo effects of past slavery and past/current immigration can still be seen in America.

Now, this does not mean that the Bible is implying that individuality is wrong. In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul makes his statements about the body being a unit made up of many unique parts that are unified into one Church, in order to use their combined specific talents for the glory of God. Unlike postmodern culture, however, with its conformist demands, the unified Church does not seek to strip each member of their personality. Instead, it recognizes the need for a unity of individuals. The Trinity is an example of this: the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are the three Persons of God in one perfect Union, while still performing in their distinct roles. It is in the Church that community, culture, and the individual can find their equilibrium.

While anyone who pays attention to the times can see the current trend of conformist culture pervading America, there is also a more political trend of segmentation into special interest groups. These began forming when the need for finding one's identity was sought in activism for a particular groups' "rights", such as the civil rights movement, the feminist movement, the gay rights movement, the environmental movement, etc. Appeals to a fundamental sense of right and wrong generally crop up; the "right for a woman to choose how to use her own body"; the "right to vote regardless of skin color"; the "right for our children to enjoy to a clean earth". Several breakthroughs were made that have real moral precedence, with one of the most important being the promise of equal treatment, both in law and society, of all people no matter what their gender or "race". (I put race in quotations because I don't agree with the connotations of that word; I believe we are all one race, the human race, and that there are certainly ethnic differences, but we are equal in our humanity. "Race" implies belief in distinctive physical characteristics of various people groups which came about due to macro-evolution, for which I find no real scientific proof.)

However, with this divide into special interest groups came the added difficulty of finding any common ground between them to work out their issues. Each group had their own agenda and a collectivistic system of ethics, both of which might very well be at variance with society-at-large. But eventually the special interest groups became so numerous and so voluble in their demands for equal treatment that there was no longer a separate societal majority to either oppose or accept them. What might once have been called "multiculturalism" in America now devolved into relativism, "the doctrine that knowledge, truth, and morality exist in relation to culture, society, or historical context, and are not absolute" (from the dictionary). The special interest groups could no longer aspire to a common "moral" claim of rightness. This postmodernist mindset of "no absolute truths" effectively disabled these groups from being able to communicate with each other, let alone reach any solutions to their issues.

The morally defunct state of these special interest groups could only drive them into conflict with each other. Without a shared moral system to provide a guiding sense of innate right and wrong, the scene was reduced to a power struggle between factions in the political (public) climate. Opposing groups now turn society into a battleground, "pitting the old against the young, blacks against Koreans and Hispanics... The poor and middle class, and the rich all blame each other for their economic problems", as Gene Veith wrote. If all cultural groups think differently, then in the post-modernist mindset none of them may make the claim to possessing absolute truth, and can only devolve into mute war or meaningless babble. Critic Tom Strini said, "Bad multiculturalism promotes tribalism, the root of much of the world's meanness."

So here are America's people divided into multiple special interest groups, each claiming the be the victim of injustice and demanding equal rights. Like an offended child, their next move is to turn and point the finger of accusation at whichever group they believe has held them under the thumb of oppression. This is why our postmodernist mentality has developed the belief of collective responsibility. Because our forefathers oppressed the native Americans in times past, present-day white Americans are collectively at fault for their past hurts and must make reparation to their present-day descendants. Were native Americans treated unjustly in the past? Sadly, yes, and many other people groups have been treated with horrifying, undeserved cruelty. But the blame which should fall on individuals in the days of old now descends onto an entire culture several generations removed from those deeds. Affirmative action programs and collective guilt are the result.

Do I think that all affirmative action programs are bad? No, definitely not! For some individuals they have the desired affect of giving them the chance to elevate themselves out of their present condition into a life of opportunity. What I do not agree with is the singling out of certain "minority" groups based specifically on "race" or gender. Why not base financial and educational aid simply on an individual's present-day standing in society? A poor white child in the slums of Los Angeles has just as much need of a boost as a poor black child in the city of Chicago, or a poor Hispanic child, or a poor Vietnamese child. Yes, some sub-culture groups do have more of a social stigma as the result of years of economic hardship or lack of academic or vocational training. But rather than further disengaging these sub-cultures by forcing upon them absolute reliance on affirmative action, why not empower them by equalizing opportunities to all members of society and placing more precedence on the qualities of hard work and educational studies to raise oneself into greater self-sufficiency?

One of the key ways society must change in order to solve reverse racism is by seeking to remove the focus from generic people groups onto the individual. This can help prevent the immediate label of stereotypes (not that there isn't ever any truth in stereotypes) and instead impress the necessity of discovering who the person is as a distinct, unique member of humanity. More importantly, we must see them as an individual created in God's image and in need of a Savior.

It has been proven time and time again by the great men and women in America's history that if one has enough determination to accomplish something, it CAN be done, despite perceived road blocks such as physical disabilities, class status, lack of money, little formal education, disapproval of family, and many other obstacles that would have stopped a less tenacious character. Many times, when you read about these great people, you will find that while they did have many wonderful internal qualities such as diligence, patience, creativity, and perseverance, there were a number of other people in their lives who had a hand in helping them along their way. Often it might be a teacher, who helped them develop as a child or planted the seeds which later grew into great thoughts. Sometimes a parent, a relative, or a mentor provided support for them on their way to greatness. I think you would be hard-pressed to find a single number in the category of those considered to be "great" who did not have at least one person who had influence on them in a special way, a person who was willing to love them and have compassion for them.

Thus, abolishing reverse racism, and racism in general, must ultimately come about through the actions of individuals. Too many people believe that it is the government's responsibility to right all wrongs, equating cheap generosity with compassion in the form of government hand-outs or a Robin Hood mentality of take from the rich to give to the poor. But the solution lies in people, individual people in all walks of life, choosing to view each person they meet not with the eyes of prejudice, but with the shared commonality of humanity which puts us all on even footing with each other, and especially through the eyes of the compassionate Christ. A poor, lonely, downtrodden human being has many needs, but the most important need is a new heart of flesh to replace their heart of stone.

The Church has the example of Jesus as He loved and served the world looking at men's hearts, not their outer person. The second chapter in the book of James speaks against discrimination as the sin of partiality between the rich and the poor. Throughout Scripture runs the theme of justice as one of the attributes of our all-powerful God who "loves righteousness and justice" (Psalm 33:5) and "will bring forth justice to the nations" (Isaiah 42:1). Christians must lead the way in this radical cultural transformation. Only if America regains the fundamentals of the spiritual foundation that were lost when it allowed the smothering of absolute truth and the principles of compassion, love, mercy, and justice will the death knell of racism and reverse racism be heard.

As a final note, here is an excerpt from a final points of a speech by political and social author Alexander Solzhenitsyn:

"If the world has not approached its end, it has reached a major watershed in history, equal in importance to the turn from the Middle Ages to the Renaissance. It will demand from us a spiritual blaze; we shall have to rise to a new height of vision, to a new level of life, where our physical nature will not be cursed, as in the Middle Ages, but even more importantly, our spiritual being will not be trampled on, as in the Modern Era.

... No one on earth has any other way left but- upward."

Books I've Read Over the Last Seven Months In My Study of Education

2010-05-04T13:44:00.000-06:00

"The Closing of the American Mind"- Allan Bloom ★★★

Complete genius of an author, but his mode of language is almost too difficult for me to decipher! It took me almost a whole year to finish the book. His premise is basically that America's education and moral system is defunct, and the solution is for all students to study the great classics of Western literature, which will give them a secure foundation in the fundamentals necessary to become informed, thoughtful, logically and ethically sound civilized beings. At least, I think that's what Bloom's premise is...

"The Unschooled Mind"- Howard Gardner ★★

He has a lot of innovative ideas, but they're mostly impractical for today's school system. Either the functional capabilities of government, theology of modern parenthood, or qualifications and training of teachers would have to be completely renovated for his theories to be put into practice. I really like his idea of multiple intelligences, though, and some parts of his idea of reinstating apprenticeships.

"Dumbing Down Our Kids"- Charles Sykes ★★

Mostly gave information on the inception, development, changes, and downfalls of the American public education system. Goes into great depth about the specific problems facing graduates of this system today, and why children are being gypped out of a beneficial education. Slightly boring in some places.

"The Elements of Teaching"- James Banner Jr. and Harold Cannon ★★★★★

This mostly gave principles of what it means to be a great teacher. Very helpful for someone like me, who aspires to be one; eye-opening for those in search of what America's education system is lacking in the tutelage of its students. A short book, but one worth purchasing and reading once a year.

"The End of Education: Redefining the Value of School"- Neil Postman ★★★★★

Written by the author of "Amusing Ourselves to Death", this book was penned in a wonderfully enlightening, comprehensible manner. Its proposals are revolutionary; some go too far, in my opinion, but others are quite within the realm of practical usage. His mindset is that today's children, in order to become functional adults of the modern America, must be taught to value diversity while looking beyond individual differences to the unifying tie that binds us all: our function as global citizens. Kinda scary at some parts, when he hints at a "one world, one people" sort of mindset. He tries very hard to reconcile the need for uniqueness in culture, religion, etc. while seeking to promote understanding about these differences without falling into relativism. A hard line to walk. I applaud him for his efforts, though, even as I wonder about the tenability of his proposals.

"Discipline Without Tears"- Dreikers and Cassel ★★

While I don't agree with the initial premise of this book (that corporal punishment is damaging and useless for children), it had some interesting thoughts about the interactions between teachers and children. In the end, I must say that I was able to learn some valuable ideas on how to deal with certain scenarios of problems in the classroom. However, the book refuses to admit the innate fallenness of human nature, and in this way limits its responses to recalcitrance. It also places too much power in the hands of the teacher, while portraying parents as helpless and antediluvian, but well-meaning, wardens.

"A Biblical Psychology of Learning"- Ruth Beechick ★★★★

Offers more insight than the average sociological/psychological textbook, with the added advantage of viewing the world from a Christian standpoint. It comes as a refreshing perspective in a die-hard humanistic culture. I highly recommend it!

"How Children Fail"- John Holt ★★★★

Shows children for what they are: curious, creative, and eager to learn, IF they are given the opportunity with teachers more interested in helping the children grow than in satisfying scholastic headquarters. Without believing that children are naturally good, Holt is free to see the true problems of the fallen human nature, such as fear, shame, confusion, defiance, and mistakes. I don't think he actually holds to a Christian worldview, so it's still important to take everything with a little grain of salt, but in general this is a great book about the proper ways to develop the capacity and desire for learning in children.

"Forgotten Children: Parent-Child Relations from 1500 to 1900"- Linda A. Pollock ★★★

Interesting from a historical perspective, this book referenced education as only one of the provinces of childhood. "Learning" was implied throughout its pages, so it was almost better that it was not approached with a strict view on school education, because it was made apparent that knowledge and understanding can be gained outside the confines of the educational institution.

"Recovering the Lost Tools of Learning"- Douglas Wilson ★★★

This written from a classical education standpoint, with the intention of the school classroom only being a functional mode of instruction if parents are extremely involved. Tends to be a tad on the legalistic side. I wrote more about what a classical education is in another book down below.

"Postmodern Times"- Gene Edward Veith, Jr. ★★★★★

Of course, as you can see from the title, this is a book about an entire cultural mindset, not just education. The great thing about this is that it allows education to be seen as just a part of the wider culture, without idolizing or singling out the education system as something that is separate from everything else. The process of learning is inherent throughout the book's exploration of the effects of postmodernism on today's children, youth, and adults. I would recommend reading this book before doing any sort of in-depth study on anything related to present-day America. It is definitely not a light read, but the Biblically-based theories and conclusions it imparts are absolutely worth it.

Still on the list:

"How Lincoln Learned to Read"- Daniel Wolff

Delves into the varied ways great men and women in American history obtained the mental, psychological, emotional, and spiritual background that made them who they were as adults. Looks like a nice read.

"Maria Montessori: The Absorbent Mind"- Holt, Rinehart, and Winston

Many concepts of the Montessori method are present in modern schools, often without the teachers or parents even being aware of the results. This seems like a very necessary topic to research in order to understand better the elementary and pre-school systems of America.

"The Well-Trained Mind"- Jessie Wise and Susan Wise Bauer

This book details the system of "classical education". It's written with the intent of homeschooling, but there are private schools that utilize this philosophy, like the book I already mentioned. It's a more academically rigorous education based on the classical model of the trivium, which follows the child's natural maturing progression of mental capabilities. Without reading this yet (but comparing it to Wilson's book), I have a feeling that lack of room for creativity will be one of the major flaws in this theory. That being said, I think this system has a lot to offer.

"The Disciplined Mind"- Howard Gardner

This seems to be an written with the same goals as Postman's book, "The End of Education"; a discussion not just of what students need to know but also why they should know it seems to be present. It'll be interesting to see how his views compare with Postman's.

Book Fair 2010!!!

2010-04-30T22:25:00.002-06:00

I went to the St. Louis Book Fair this morning, getting into the line waiting patiently outside the fair at the early morning hour of 8:30. There were already about forty people ahead of me. By the time the fair opened at 10 am, there were approximately four to five hundred people in line behind me. Glad I got there early!

Unfortunately, I only had an hour and a half to peruse the tables, because Mozart-Man and I were heading out of town at noon to visit his family in Ohio (I'm not saying that it's unfortunate that we had to visit his family, only that I wish the book fair had opened earlier, or maybe opened Thursday morning instead of Friday). But here is the list of books I picked up:

"The Student's Guide to Philosophy"- Peter A. Facione = Well, I could always use a brush-up, and this provides some quick, concise summaries of terms and concepts that I have a hard time remembering, like the principle of universalizability.

"The Turn of the Screw"- Henry James = Always wanted to find out the conclusion of this dark story ever since I saw select scenes from it performed at an opera show.

"The Jane Austen Quiz Book"- Helen Barton = Who can resist this? Seriously?

"Orthodoxy"- G. K. Chesterton = The only book that I have ever returned to the library in admittance of defeat after the first chapter. It will wait for me on my bookshelf. I will try again in about a decade.

"The Republic of Plato"- Um... Plato = Mostly I got this because it has notes and an interpretive essay by Allan Bloom, an author whom I really enjoy.

"Candide"- Voltaire = Once again, I've seen excerpts of this from opera scenes, and want to know the whole story, despite how messed up it seems.

"Civil Disobedience and Other Essays"- Henry David Thoreau = I've always meant to read this essay. Now I can.

"Rubaiyat"- Omar Khayyam = Little verses of Persian poetry. Translated, of course, into English. Mostly very mysterious but beautiful.

"A Portrait of the Artist As A Young Man"- James Joyce = I refuse to read "Ulysses", but loved the short stories in "The Dubliners", so I figured I would try my hand at this one.

"The Sorrows of Young Werther/The New Melusina/Novelle"- Goethe = I was actually hoping to find a copy of "Wilhelm Meister's Apprenticeship" or "The Journeyman Years", but didn't. And since "Sorrows" seems to be the defining work of Goethe (at least, that's all anyone ever seems to read or notice), I might as well read it too.

"Huguenot Garden"- Douglas M. Jones III = I absolutely adored this book as a child! It was lost at some point, though, when I was twelve, and I haven't read it since then. Soon to be remedied.

"Selected Poems of Robert Frost"- Himself = Everybody should own a book of Frost poetry.

"The Moonstone"- Wilkie (William) Collins = Considered to be one of the first in the genre of English detective stories. Should be a good read.

"Now We Are Six"- A. A. Milne = Yeah, I still read poetry by the author of "Winnie the Pooh". He's a genius with words.

So, I paid $12.50 for this stack of books. Yep.

Feeling pretty good : )

THE BEST NEWS!!!

2010-03-13T13:22:00.001-06:00

According to my EcoPlanner calendar, here is a glimpse of what's been going on in my life lately:

RobinNest, almost two weeks ago:

Mozart-Man and I both had the morning off, so we decided to spend it at one of our favorite places, the Missouri Botanical Gardens. It was a bit chilly, still being February and all, so we were spending most of the time in the greenhouses. Here's how it went...

Mozart-Man: So, Lyssa, are you happy today?

Me: Yes, I'm very happy! I get to spend the morning with you, we're going to have lunch together, and we're at the gardens.

Mozart-Man: Do you think you could be any happier?

Me (naively, without thinking): No, I'm pretty happy right now, being here with you.

Mozart-Man: Ah, well... [kneels down and takes out a ring]

Me: [starts crying]

Several minutes later as we're sitting on a bench:

Me, to random old photographer man: HEY YOU! Guess what? I'm engaged! Take our picture!"

Mozart-Man (grinning): So, are you happier NOW?

Me: [smiling, no words, can't stop looking at the gorgeous ring]

Evidently my entire family and Mozart-Man's family knew about the whole thing! I had no clue. We call everyone as soon as we can, and there is much rejoicing.

ArcticLoon:

I get to announce my engagement to the ladies at the weekly Bible study I attend. They are all super excited also, and we celebrate with a congratulations cookie (think huge cookie the size of a pizza) and lots of joy!

Mozart-Man is performing Mozart's Requiem with the St. Louis Symphony Chorus that night. My great friend Alec and I go to the concert to hear him, and have a lovely time sitting in the balcony singing and conducting along with the music because we know it so well. Nobody throws us out, thank goodness : )

PeregrineFalcon:

I make blueberry muffins for refreshments at Bible study, two scalloped potato casseroles for a women's shelter, and go to another symphony concert with Mozart-Man, this time a performance of The Planets by Holst. In the lobby of Powell Hall is an exhibit of children's art inspired by classical music they had listened to; it's beautiful and inspires me to try to branch out in my art projects more often.

Aldebaran:

Mozart-Man and I go back to the Botanical Gardens. The weather is amazingly warm! We spend several hours walking around the entire grounds, running into several friends, loving the sunny skies. The only outdoor flowers we saw were a patch of purple crocuses underneath a crab-apple tree, which were being painted by an artist sitting in the grass, but there were lots of buds everywhere.

We go to a dance at a local contra club that night. My friend Amanda is playing with a folk band that is providing the music, so we have a fun time dancing with more friends that came to see her too.

RaptorTalon:

I teach Sunday school to the first and second graders at our church, then work in the toddler nursery during the worship service. Whew! Lots of work, but I love it. The kids are adorable. Mozart-Man and I go over to a friend's house for lunch after church, Sue, who is one of the most interesting, intelligent women I've ever met. We have great conversation about book topics, authors, theology, psychology, modern films, the English language, and God's goodness in our lives.

Every two years, our church has a "talent show". This time around members of the church read original poetry, played piano, guitar, and recorder, acted out skits, danced, played the saw with a violin bow and piano accompaniment, and other such variable demonstrations. I played and sang an arrangement of Psalm 139 that I had written for the Bible study. A family who created a lip-synched home video of themselves interpreting a song by the Animaniacs won first place; it was absolutely hilarious!

CrowRookery:

This is supposed to be the last warm and sunny day for a while because a rainy system is on its way to St. Louis, evidently. It was foggy this morning, but it melted away by ten thirty. The temperature must be in the sixties! The windows and balcony door are wide open in my apartment; my plants are drinking deeply of the fresh air. This was the first day that I walked outside in my bare feet.

I've been doing a lot of wedding planning. Everything is coming together slowly but surely. My mom is SO HELPFUL. I'm terrible at organizing. I just want a nice, uncomplicated, inexpensive wedding. And considering that the wedding is June 12th, I'm more grateful than ever to my mom and the people at church who are helping me arrange all the details!

My engagement ring is gorgeous.

What I Think of Education, Part III

2010-03-08T11:18:00.002-06:00

Here are the reasons why I have been so grateful to have been schooled at home:

- Lots of free time for creative play; building blocks, Lincoln logs, Tinkertoys, Legos, stuffed animals, and tiny home-made yarn dolls were my favorite toys when I was younger. As I got older, I began to write stories on the computer, write poetry, journal, listen to music, and especially read books.

Favorite memory: My sister and I learned about the Native American culture and used blankets, pillows, cardboard boxes, and chairs to create an awesome fort that took up the entire living room. My mom let us sleep in it overnight and do our schoolwork in it the next day!

- Lots of time outside. Recess was more than a half hour time running around an enclosed blacktop! I could play outside for hours by myself or with my sister or other home-schooled friends, in all four seasons; sometimes we would even take our school work outside on a nice day. Kids who are stuck in school all day don't get nearly as much time in the outdoors.

Favorite memory: About once a month, our home-school group (approximately two dozen kids and their moms) would go to a local park and spend the entire day there. We'd pack a picnic, the moms would chat and socialize, and us kids would be free to play in the sun and trees from early morning to late afternoon. Talk about heavenly!

- Friends who weren't all exactly my age. In the homeschool group, the kids ranged from toddlers up through junior high and high-school. I think it's important that children have friends who are all different ages, which allows them to see different perspectives and learn how to function well in multiple social situations.

Favorite memory: Some of my best friends have been much older or much younger than me. In second grade, my best friend was a sixth grade girl who lived across the street. When I was ten, my best friend was a twelve-year old boy in our home-school group. Now, two of my very best friends are an eighty-seven year old woman from church and a sixteen year old fellow guitarist.

- School work suited to my level of ability. I didn't have too much difficulty with math after I went back to home-schooling when I was eight, but once algebra hit, that was a different story. Geometry was even worse. My mom would try over and over and over to help me learn and understand these things. I even had a private tutor for geometry for a little while.

Favorite memory: I loved doing in-depth studies on specific books! When I read and analyzed "Pride and Prejudice" in junior high for a semester, I was in heaven. Reading was a huge part of my school lessons and I've loved it ever since then.

- Time to pursue areas of interest to me, like music and track and field. After beginning guitar lessons when I was eight, I was able to have a lot more time to practice when I was home-schooled as opposed to being in public school. This was especially true in high-school, when I wanted to practice for several hours a day.

Favorite memory: My mom, sister, and I would often go jogging in the neighborhood park with our across-the-street home-schooling friends. It was a good break in the middle of the day, let us run off some energy, and nearly always ended with us climbing trees or playing on the playground. And surprisingly, no police officer ever questioned us about truancy! We were always prepared with an answer, though: "We're having P.E., sir."

- Time for volunteer work. This is something that very few kids are involved in nowadays, sadly. It's a benefit to our society and helps establish a sense of local community. Families can use it as a way for the individual members to come together working on a single volunteer project, or a student can volunteer for a cause that interests them.

Favorite Memory: When I was young, my family would sometimes volunteer to serve food at a soup kitchen; I was too little to be of much help, but I remember being impressed that my parents considered it so important to serve those less fortunate than ourselves. Our home-school group would often sing songs and hand out holiday cards at a retirement home several times a year. Also, I volunteered at a community library as an assistant from the time I was thirteen until i was sixteen. I absolutely loved it!

- Freedom to make my own school schedule. My sister and I would usually do a small amount of school-work during the summer anyway, just so we wouldn't forget everything we learned and so we could take time off when we really needed to, like around Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, family vacations, weekend camping trips, park days with the home-school group, field trips days (yes, home-schoolers take field trips too), and craft/art/baking/gardening/etc. days. The nice thing was that if I worked diligently right from the time I got up in the morning, I could usually have all my school work for the day completed before lunch time; then I could have the rest of the day to do stuff with my mom around the house, work on a project of my own, practice guitar, read, etc.

Favorite memory: We were always allowed to have snow days off, even if the public schools didn't. No child wants to be indoors when all that snow is calling to be played in! Sledding, snow forts, snowball fights, fox-and-geese, tag, snowmen, shoveling our driveways and the elderly neighbor's driveways... we had fun all day long until it got too dark to see outside.

- Quality time with my mom and sister. My mom taught us not just how to read, write, and do math, but also many different practical skills and fun activities. Here is a list of just some of the things we did together:

Gardening
Berry picking
Fruit picking
Sewing
Knitting
Crocheting
Laundry
Baking
Cooking
House cleaning
Canning (preserving)
Child care
Art projects
Museum trips
Science experiments
Chicken raising
Library trips
Singing
Nature walks
Candy making

One of the most important things my mom taught me, though, was self-discipline. I'll write more about that in another blog.

What I Think of Education, Part II

2010-02-23T13:43:00.001-06:00

My mom originally wanted to be a teacher. However, I came along and she gave up her college studies to raise me at home. She read to me constantly, several times a day from what I remember: fairy stories, poetry, children's nursery rhymes, and books too hard for me to comprehend at the time, but enjoyed all the same (The Trumpet of the Swan, The Little Princess, The Hobbit, The Chronicles of Narnia, and many more). I could read easily by the time I was four. My mom helped me memorize things like Bible verses, songs, multiplication tables, and vocabulary. I listened to music all the time, mostly classical, because I couldn't stand anything composed later the mid-twentieth century (I was weird).

When I was eight, my family moved to Idaho. I asked my parents if I could attend a local public school, and they agreed. At first, I really liked "going to school": walking with friends in the morning the few blocks to the school building, participating in a real class of kids my age, the arts and crafts... it seemed very fun. But very shortly I began to see disadvantages. The class was very cliquish; the girls didn't accept me easily, and the boys were nice but often rough in their play. The teacher, in spite of being a wonderfully sweet lady, often didn't know what to do with me when I would finish my class work quickly and ask for something to do... she began sending me to the library just to read. Also, math was beginning to be a problem; I'd never been great with numbers, but my math skills were declining as the class was taught new concepts and I fell behind because I didn't understand them. Mostly... I was bored. After already having had my mom's full care in my education for eight years, the divided attentions of a teacher who had to deal with a class of two dozen children could hardly compare.

Here's the honest-to-goodness reason why I eventually begged my mom to take me out of school: My class began studying the Chinese culture, and when we got around to learning about the Chinese New Year, we found out that all the children in the class were born in the Year of the Tiger... except for me. I was slightly younger than the rest of the class, and had been born in the Year of the Hare. After that, the class thought that its duty was to chase, catch, and eat me during every recess. A silly thing to some people, but horrifying for an eight year old child who was naturally shy. I left less than a year after I had begun.

It seems to me that my three main problems in public school (besides the Chinese New Year) were these: social difficulties, insufficient activities for my appropriate level of ability (which varied from subject to subject), and lack of teacher availability for special help in a subject that caused me a lot of confusion. I was so happy to be home-schooling again!

Granted, I spent a very small amount of time in a public school, but I still think that being homeschooled was definitely the best choice. In my next blog, I'll give my reasons for why I think homeschooling is such a good idea.

What I Think of Education, Part I

2010-02-17T20:40:00.001-06:00

Lately I've been studying a method of education called unschooling. Unschooling, by definition, is allowing the child complete freedom to choose what they will study and when they will study it. "When the child is ready," they will study it. In other words, a child should not be pushed into studying anything they do not choose themselves.

Now, I've seen several "modern moms" who seem fully in favor of this style of schooling; however, I don't agree with its main precept. My major opposition to unschooling is that children, being young and inexperienced, cannot fully appreciate the long-term effect of decisions. A child might feel that playing with legos or a computer game all day is the best choice, but I know of very few parents who would agree! Games and free creative time should be a major part of a child's life, yet it should not be the ONLY thing. The best way I've read it described was in an online article, like this:

"Our brains are a muscle just like any other part of the body, and to think by working out math problems, or taking a spelling test, or dissecting a frog, flexes and tightens the brain muscle to prepare it for proper thought patterns and good study habits. If you pamper this muscle, laziness and rebellion take forth, and all they want to do is play. Playing, like walking, talking and sleeping is what children do best, it is not something they learn to do, and it is an instinct of life. Playtime is great, but still needs to be balanced out with crafts, thought time, study time, quiet time, or physical work, like chores."

The most important things that children should learn, in my opinion, are:

- To love God.
- To love kindness and justice.
- To love their family and the people around them.
- To hunger for truth.

As far as the benefits they should gain from "formal schooling":

- To love beauty (music, art, dance, the natural world).
- To learn how to think outside the box (creativity).
- To learn how to think logically (logic, brain teasers, puzzles, math).
- To learn how to gain understanding (writing, reading, religion, philosophy).
- To learn how to express themselves (writing, reading, language, grammar).
- To learn from the past so that they can become aware of the future (history, philosophy, politics, archaeology).
- To learn why things work the way they do (science, biology, math).
- To learn practical mathematics (budgeting, taxes, business math).
- To learn practical life skills (household chores, cooking, gardening, sewing, car mechanics, child-care, computers, social interaction, volunteer work).

If schools today followed these basic goals, I bet that about half the curricula could be thrown out. Also, children would probably need to spend a smaller portion of their day actually "in" school. But then... this would mean that parents would have to take more of a part in their child's education! *gasp*

I think that a child should learn first how to be a proper human being, and then a scholar. Most schools seem concerned only with filling a child's head with facts, pushing them on through one grade to the next regardless of knowledge retention, and teaching them how to stand in line and ask for permission to go to the bathroom. Virtuous character is more desirable in a child than head knowledge, but it takes considerably more effort to create one than the other.

The goals outlined above are what I think every child should graduate high-school with. But here's something I want to stress, what I think the backbone of this pre-college education constitutes: if this plan was followed, then hypothetically each child would most likely, between the ages of fourteen and eighteen, gain some sort of idea as to what they want to pursue as a vocation. If a child has been given the freedom to investigate areas of interest to them in their early years, with opportunity to "try out" various trades or occupations, then there is very little that stands between them and finding their career of choice. Through taking early college classes, volunteering, job-shadowing, and/or part-time employment, a teen can narrow their job interests down to what they might really like to do.

For example, if a teen is interested in becoming an architect, they will want to go on to study more advanced mathematics and drawing while still in high-school, most likely by taking outside classes to gain increased understanding and instruction in these subjects. This will give them a chance to see if they have a real proclivity for this profession, and also give them an added advantage in their knowledge even before they formally enter college to major as an architect.

I believe that children should have a great deal of free time, that they should be allowed and encouraged to study things that interest them, and that hours upon ridiculous hours of rote schoolwork are unnecessary and even detrimental in elementary schools. In these things, I am agreeing with some of the ideas behind unschooling. I think that children do have a natural inclination to learn because they are naturally curious; however, I sincerely doubt that the majority of children have the drive/diligence/knowledge to pursue a plan of all-round learning that will benefit them the most in life. That is why I cannot agree with the practice of unschooling.

As a side note, one of the most depressing things I've seen is that most children and even teenagers (and some young adults, too) have no idea why they are actually in school. You'd be hard pressed to find a student who could offer more than the shallow, ultimately meaningless answers of, "I'm supposed to learn/want to learn", "I need to study in order to get a high-paying job", or "I'm in school because my family/society requires me to be here". Is this what the purpose of life should be? As several of my much older and wiser friends have told me many times, "Life does not begin when you graduate from college; you have been alive for twenty-one years already, and hopefully you were actually living and not just looking forward to beginning to live once formal schooling was complete."

In my next blog I'll explain how my principles of education came to be this way.

Differing Thoughts on Educating Children

2010-02-12T20:46:00.002-06:00

In my recent studies, I've come across these quotes. You can probably tell which ideas I agree with and which one I don't.

"Why should we have to try to develop such [actively inquisitive] minds, when children are born with them? Somewhere along the line, adults must fail somehow to sustain the infant's curiosity at its original depth. School itself, perhaps, dulls the mind- by the dead weight of rote learning, much of which may be necessary. The failure is probably even more the parents' fault. We so often tell a child there is no answer, even when one is available, or demand that he ask no more questions. We thinly conceal our irritation when baffled by the apparently unanswerable query. All this discourages the child. He may get the impression that it is impolite to be too inquisitive. Human inquisitiveness is never killed; but it is soon debased to the sort of questions asked by most college students, who, like the adults they soon to become, ask only for information."

~ Mortimer J. Adler & Charles Van Doren, How to Read a Book, Chapter 18: How to Read Philosophy

"We shall not try to make these people or any of their children into philosophers or men of learning or men of science. We have not to raise up from among them authors, educators, poets or men of letters. We shall not search for embryo great artists, painters, musicians, nor lawyers, doctors, preachers, politicians, statesmen, of whom we have ample supply. The task we set before ourselves is simple... We will organize children... and teach them to do in a perfect way the things their fathers and mothers are doing in an imperfect way."

~ Excerpt from a 1906 document from Rockefellar's General Education Board, called Occasional Letter Number One

"Studies serve for delight, for ornament, and for ability. Their chief use for delight is in privateness and retiring; for ornament, is in discourse; and for ability, is in the judgement and disposition of business. For expert men can execute, and perhaps judge of particulars, one by one; but the general counsels, and the plots and marshalling of affairs, come best from those that are learned. To spend too much time in studies is sloth; to use them too much for ornament is affectation; to make judgement wholly by their rules is the humour of a scholar.... for natural abilities are like natural plants, that need proyning (pruning) by study..."

~ Francis Bacon, Essay L: Of Studies

"To a very great degree, school is a place where children learn to be stupid. A dismal thought, but hard to escape. Infants are not stupid. Children of one, two, or even three throw the whole of themselves into everything they do. They embrace life, and devour it, it is why they learn so fast, and are such good company. Listlessness, boredom, apathy- these all come later. Children come to school curious; within a few years most of that curiosity is dead, or at least silent... The expressions on the children's faces seemed to say, 'You've got us here in school; now make us do whatever it is you want us to do.' Curiosity, questions, speculation- these are for outside school, not inside."

~ John Holt, in his book Why Children Fail

Saturn-Forming the Earth

2010-02-11T15:18:00.001-06:00

Go to THIS article to see something amazing.

End the Neck Pain! or, Thank Goodness for Wrestling Gloves

2010-02-10T16:52:00.001-06:00

For a week or more now, my neck and shoulders were beginning to ache again the same way they had right before I strained my neck several months ago. I'd been doing some stretching when it hurt the most, but it didn't do much. So on Monday when I woke up and could barely turn my head from side to side because I was so stiff, I was fed up*.

Mozart-Man took me to Sports Authority and I bought a pair of wrestling gloves. Yes, wrestling gloves. They're a men's small, so they fit my rather large female hands in a nice, comfy fashion. Then I went home and began to teach myself how to juggle pins**.

Now, others might disagree with me, but I find juggling pins to be much different and more difficult than juggling balls. Balls are one shape, they go up and come down relatively the same way, they are smallish-sized, and they cause little injury to oneself, surrounding furniture, or local bystanders. Pins, on the other hand, are shaped like the weird things one knocks down at a bowling alley, they flip end over end when tossed into the air (usually much more rapidly than one would like them to), are unwieldy to handle, tire out the arms much more quickly, and hurt like the dickens if you miss catching them.

That is why I needed the wrestling gloves; if you don't catch a pin in exactly the right way, the palm of your hand or your fingers or your wrist or the end of your thumb is going to smart like a sudden volt of electricity hit it. It literally tingles and makes your appendages go numb. The wrestling gloves are nice and thick, but leave the ends of your fingertips free for proper gripping. My thumbs are really the most vulnerable part of my hand now, because they often catch the brunt of the force if I mishandle a pin.

However, the gloves do not prevent any other part of my body from being damaged by an errant pin. So far, I have bruised all ten of my toes, my shins, my knees, my arms, my shoulders, and my right eye, plus given myself a bloody lip twice. These things are dangerous! Thankfully, no household items have been broken yet. I practice juggling over the couch, which catches most of what I drop, and I keep all breakable items safely away out of pin-reach.

Besides juggling, I also needed to start doing yoga again, or else all the new exercise would really kill me. So I'm doing yoga in the morning, a twenty-minute session that isn't really so much of a work-out as it is a wake-up. I'm always surprised at how much it helps ease tension and stiff/sore muscles. So the yoga, combined with the juggling, has really helped me feel better after only three days.

Maybe it's also because I'm building upper-body strength that causes my neck to not hurt so much. Now I just have to make sure I continue to do yoga/juggling several times a week in order to keep receiving the benefits. It feels weird to be juggling while there's still snow on the ground; I've always juggled in warm weather before, mainly because juggling seems more like an outdoor event. Oh well!

In other unimportant news, I'm rediscovering how amazing frozen berries are. Throw a cup of berries into a blender with some yogurt, a banana, and a bit of orange juice, and you have the best breakfast ever. Mmmmmm. All gratitude here goes to my wonderful mom, who made probably a gazillion morning smoothies for me and my sister when we were growing up : )

* My neck gets sore because I teach children six days a week, most of that time being spent bending over little guitars to fix little hands, or leaning over a music stand to point out notes. I know that some music teachers can teach while sitting down; I, unfortunately, am not one of them. Also, I get next to no exercise in the coldest winter months because I refuse to work out in a stuffy, indoor gym. If I was smart, I'd sign up for some dancing classes or something at a local studio.

** I've had the juggling pins for over six months. I intended to learn how to use them when I originally bought them at a tiny magic shop by the river running through St. Louis, but realized very quickly that I would render my hands useless if I didn't have some sort of protection. They've been sitting quietly in a corner in my living room ever since then, biding their time...

The Quest

2010-02-05T14:14:00.002-06:00

I've been writing for some time now about something called the Quest. It started when I realized that even though I have a good job, great family, nice friends, and a pretty good sense of where I want my life to go, I still felt like there should be more. I am not just what I am outwardly, the places I go, the things I do. I want there to always be an inward growth and search for more. In the words of C. S. Lewis in his final book of the Chronicles of Narnia,The Last Battle, I want to go "further up, and further in."

Throughout my home-schooled education, my mom always emphasized worldview. Everybody has an understanding of what they believe the world to be, what our purpose is as humans, and what constitutes good and evil (or if those categories even exist). Nobody is unbiased; everyone has a worldview, religious and non-religious alike. It would be impossible to function or interact with others or make decisions if one did not have a worldview, a philosophy of life and the ethics and moral laws that they lived by.

One of the main ideas I discovered during my early teenage years was that if a person did not know (or could not clearly articulate) what their worldview was, then one of two things would happen (or both). Either: that person could be spoon-fed the worldview of somebody else, such as a teacher, and thereby not really have any opinion of their own, but blindly accept, follow, and defend thoughts that may not necessarily even be true; or that person would try to not even think about philosophy or what they believed to be true, and only concern themselves with present gratification, having only a shallow knowledge of anything beyond their current affairs.

So I've been on a search for truth. I'm almost ashamed to even write those words, though... I make so many mistakes. I think that the vast majority of my wrongdoings come from two areas: my selfish inclination to do what I want and what will "feel" good, and my stubborn, prideful disposition which prevents me from admitting when I am wrong and altering towards what is right. Mountains of errors stand in the way of my past pitiful attempts to find truth.

In spite of my flaws, though, I know that my search is not in vain. I have an unescapable thirst to find the water of life. Christ, the Living Water, is the answer; by His grace I know that I am forgiven of my faults and set free to change for the better, to be continuously hungry for truth. Here's the good part: I'm SUPPOSED to want to search for truth!

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
~ Philippians 4:8

Pursuit of truth is possible, it is encouraged, even commanded. It is a life-long journey. It will be a battle at times. Here's a quote I found that exemplifies this concept:

"The inquiry of truth, which is the love-making, or wooing of it, the knowledge of truth, which is the presence of it, and the belief of truth, which is the enjoying of it, is the sovereign good of human nature"
~ Francis Bacon, Essay 1, 'Of truth'

Nobody seems to talk about "wooing" truth anymore. Even the idea of truth being something quantifiable or able to be discovered is taboo because of the logical implication that if someone is right about something, then someone else is wrong. Our culture of tolerance has turned into a culture of intolerance; we are so cautious about not accusing anybody of being incorrect that we are afraid to say that anybody is right. So we are silent.

I am trying to tear off all the outer clothes that mask truth's honest face. I am tired of walking on tiptoes to not offend people by standing up for what I know is true. I am tired of ignoring what I know to be true in favor of following my own selfish wants. I am tired of political, pseudo-religious, philosophical, nonsensical jargon that impedes truth.

I want to enjoy truth. To be a friend of truth.

"Truth indeed came once into the world with her divine Master, and was a perfect shape most glorious to look on: but... a wicked race of deceivers... took the virgin Truth, hewed her lovely form into a thousand pieces, and scattered them to the four winds. From that time ever since, the sad friends of Truth, such as durst appear, imitating the careful search that Isis made for the mangled body of Osiris, went up and down gathering up limb by limb, still as they could find them. We have not yet found them all... nor ever shall do, till her Master's second coming; he shall bring together every joint and member, and shall mould them into an immortal feature of loveliness and perfection."
~ Milton, 'Areopagitica'

After Living In This Place Almost Two Years...

2010-01-25T15:41:00.001-06:00

Why this craving for change? Why not stay quietly here, like us, and be jolly?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Fun?" said the Rat. "Now that's just what I don't understand. If you've GOT to leave this pleasant place, and your friends who will miss you, and your snug homes that you've just settled into, why, when the hour strikes I've no doubt that you'll go bravely, and face all the trouble and discomfort and change and newness, and make believe that you're not very unhappy. But to want to talk about it, or even think about it, till you really need..."

"No, you don't understand, naturally", said the second swallow. "First, we feel it stirring within us, a sweet unrest; then back come the recollections one by one, like homing pigeons. They flutter through our dreams at night, they fly with us in our wheelings and circlings by day."

"In due time," said the third swallow, "we shall be homesick once more for quiet water-lilies swaying on the surface of an English steam. But today all that seems pale and thin and far away. Just now our blood dances to a different music."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"And you, you will come too, young brother; for the days pass, and never return... Take the Adventure, heed the call, now ere the irrevocable moment passes! 'Tis but a banging of the door behind you, a blithesome step forward, and you are out of the old life and into the new! Then some day, some day long hence, jog home here if you will, when the cup has been drained and the play has been played, and sit down by your quiet river with a store of goodly memories for company. You can easily overtake me on the road, for you are young..."

From The Wind in the Willows, by Kenneth Grahame

Dreams That Make You More Alive

2010-01-19T09:17:00.004-06:00

I had one of the craziest dreams I've had in a long time on Friday night. I highly doubt I will forget it, but just so that I'll remember the details I'm writing it down here.

I was part of a scientific research team off the coast of Antarctica. There were many people on the ship; we studied the ice floes and icebergs, especially the animal life associated with them. There was a young man who was a part of the team. His job was to calm the animals so that we could observe them more closely. This person changed constantly... I couldn't tell whether he had dark or light hair, was taller or shorter, or older than me or younger.

As time progressed, I began to realize that there was something quite strange about this young man. Being Antarctica, it was extremely cold, but he did not really seem to notice the frigid temperatures. I caught him walking around in shirtsleeves, no coat at all! Then I found him SWIMMING in the water with otter-like creatures, in his clothes with no wet-suit or anything. When I confronted him, he said that since we'd been on this research mission, he had become more and more tolerant to the cold, and more attuned to the animals to the point he could actually converse with them. I was amazed, but per his request, didn't tell any of the other scientists about him.

When the time came for our team to depart back to the U.S., the young man told me that he was not coming. He had decided that the best place for him to be was with the animals, so that he could learn more and more about them, with the hopes of eventually forging a new bond between the human race and the non-human creatures of the Antarctic. As I was saying goodbye to him, he called a seal nearby out of the water, and it jumped up and gave me a whiskery, wet kiss on the cheek! Then the young man gave me a kiss on the cheek too, and I got on the boat.

Looking out the window on the ship, I saw the young man standing on an iceberg barefoot and bare-chested, with a hunting knife strapped to his belt, surrounded by seals and a polar bear, waving goodbye.

After we returned to the States, the science team was put up in an rickety old wooden hotel for the night before we would return to our homes (I remember that a girl scout troupe was also staying there, and they were really loud). Around midnight, the fire alarm went off. The fire was very small, and only in the kitchen, so it wasn't life-threatening, but everyone still had to evacuate the building. What seemed bizarre at the time was that I felt hot, as if I was actually being burned by the fire already, even though it wasn't anywhere near me.

When I got home, I noticed that there were some stringy little things on my fingers. I washed my hands and they came off with no problems, so I tried to ignore it. But when I woke up again the next morning, they were back... they were actually little plants growing on my fingers! Panicking, I ran to my mom to show her. She seemed strangely unconcerned, telling me to just pull them out. But I was afraid that it would hurt my fingers, so I went and stuck them in water to try and wash them off. The water stung, and when I looked at them again, a spider plant was growing out of my right hand, along with the other little sprouts!

I ran outside shrieking. If water didn't work and I couldn't pull them out, maybe I could stick the plants in the dirt to stop the stinging. I plunged them into the flower bed beside my house and experienced temporary relief, but then they started stinging even more! With a yelp, I yanked them out of the soil. My neighbor had been standing nearby, trimming his rose bushes, so I asked him, "What's wrong with your dirt? It hurts!" "Oh," he replied, "that's not just dirt. It has fertilizer, bug spray, bits of trash, grass seed, and all sorts of other things in it. Nothing is just dirt anymore."

In despair, I stood up, holding out my burning hands with plants growing from my fingertips... and saw the mountains.

Then I woke up.

It was one of those strange experiences where I felt like I had fallen asleep, instead of actually awakening. The dream had felt more real than the bed I woke up in, or the light coming through my window. I felt everything in my dream: the cold in Antarctica, the seal's kiss, the creaky wooden staircase in the hotel, the gritty dirt. Little details are completely clear. I remember the Girl Scout uniforms, and the fact that the sprouts in my fingertips were basil plants.

At the very least, the dream made me much more aware of the natural world around me. Even in the middle of January, the trees are beginning to rumble about new growth just around the corner. The weather has fortunately warmed up just a bit, staying in the forties and fifties during the day, despite the clouds and fog that have continued for several days now.

I keep checking my fingers.

In Praise of (Gentle)Men

2010-01-10T18:01:00.005-06:00

The movie "Mary Poppins" has been one of my favorite Disney films ever since I was a child. Even more than the movie, I loved the songs. My mom (to whom I am eternally grateful for raising me with music in the home) bought me several cassette tapes of Disney songs before I was five years old. The two I remember the best were "Oliver and Company" and "Mary Poppins". Being so young, I hardly understood what the lyrics meant even as I sang along with them; "political equality, and equal rights with men" in the Sister Suffragette song, all the talk about investments in the bank, the cockney accents of the chimney sweeps, class division of the servants... so many things make more sense fifteen years later.

In the scene where the main characters magically jumped into the chalk picture, I always particularly loved the song that Mary and Bert sang to each other.

Ain't it a glorious day,
right as a morning in May,
I feel like I could fly!
Have you ever seen
the grass so green,
or a bluer sky?

Then Mary takes a turn to sing about Bert:

Oh, it's a jolly holiday with you, Bert.
Gentlemen like you are few.
Though you're just a diamond in the rough, Bert,
underneath your blood is blue!
You'd never think of pressing your advantage,
forbearance is the whole mark of your creed;
a lady needn't fear when you are near,
your sweet gentility is crystal clear.
Oh, it's a jolly holiday with you, Bert,
a jolly, jolly holiday with you!

When I listened to this song, I used to wonder why Mary Poppins seemed to imply that the majority of men in the world were bad. To me, most of the guys I saw in my little sphere were "good" in the sense that they weren't cruel towards anybody, that they strove to be honest. At least they opened doors for women and had common decency. Then the real world hit...

Who wouldn't agree with Mary now that "gentlemen are few"? After four years of college, I'd say there is maybe one true gentleman out of a thousand normal college males, perhaps even less. The dictionary qualifies a "gentleman" as "a chivalrous, courteous, or honorable man", and further defines these attributes:

Chivalrous: giving special attention and respect towards women; brave.

Courteous: polite, respectful, or considerate in manner; having manners fit for a royal court.

Honorable: being worthy of honor by concerning oneself with the principles of right and wrong behavior and the goodness or badness of human character.

How many men do you know that fit these qualities? I've been disillusioned many times by naively assuming that any fellow I meet is automatically a gentleman. WRONG. But why should I expect young men to behave in a certain way when they have never been taught to do so, when gallant conduct is not encouraged or rewarded, and when in our society nowadays females insist on being treated the same as their counterparts, which effectively negates all sense of deferential propriety?

But I didn't want to write this to malign men. Its intent is to praise the few who still adhere to the higher standard that used to be the norm. There are several men who I'd like to acknowledge for being true gentlemen in my interactions with them.

1. Mozart-Man: I've written so much about him recently, so I'll try not to go on about all his amazing characteristics : ) I love him so very much. He treats me with deference and kind words and actions.

2. My step-dad, Sean: Watching how much of a gentleman he is towards my mom, both Mozart-Man and I are humbled. Sean very much has a servant's heart, looking to my mom's needs, questions, and wants before his own. There are many things in my mom and Sean's relationship that Mozart-Man and I hope to emulate in our own marriage eventually.

3. Matt: An old friend who I've known from the time I was eight years old. We were home schooled together until we graduated from high school. I loved him like a brother, and for a long time we were best friends. I haven't been good about staying in contact with him, but I will never forget how kind he always was to me. I don't ever remember a single mean-spirited word from him.

4. Alec and Xander: My youngest friends. At sixteen/seventeen, they are both well on their way to becoming quite honest and warmhearted young men, who are very gifted musically. I'm looking forward to seeing what they plan on pursuing in college. I've been especially happy to be included in Alec's family life over the past few years. I wish I was able to see Xander, but he lives in California.

5. Jim: The husband of my first guitar teacher, Kelli. He has never been anything but kind to me. I have admired him so much for fourteen years. He and Kelli have a wonderful marriage relationship that is good to see.

6. Kevin: Guitar educationist extraordinaire, he took the time to help me get on my feet as a young performer and then a teacher. His careful attention to the people he directs is inspirational to see. Consideration of details, both in human temperaments and in his work with music, is one of his specialties.

7. Peter: Last, but most certainly not least, this young man (and his entire family) has been in my life since we met at guitar camp almost seven years ago. The phrase in the Mary Poppins song, "sweet gentility", fits him perfectly. He is one of the most energetic, intrepid, driven guys I've ever met, but also one who exhibits the most courtesy. I saw him and his sister Ellen the other night and realized again how blessed I am to have Peter as one of my greatest friends.

The more I see of the caliber of men in the world, the more I realize how important it is for everyone to do what they can to motivate gentlemanly behavior. Parents obviously have the most effect on the next generation of males, with teachers and mentors as a close second. Friends can have a large influence on the men in their lives, too. But this lack of comportment and noble mindset is not just the fault of men... women are in on the blame.

Maybe I'll write another blog about the degenerate female state sometime.

Loving the Snow

2010-01-08T14:37:00.003-06:00

Today is StellarRay, in the time of Celeste. Saturn is in the sky during the wee hours of the morning. Ice covers the inside of my bedroom window... I see my breath when I peek out from underneath the blankets.

It's cold, but not unbearably so as long as one doesn't stand outside for too long in the negative degree wind. Mozart-Man is visiting his best friend, Nick, in Ohio this week, so I miss him a lot. However, there's always laundry, knitting, reading, bubble baths, teaching, dirty dishes, soup-making, and "Julie and Julia" to keep me busy until he gets back.

My lately project of craftyness is knitting socks. I have a feeling it's going to take quite a long time to make one. Whoever knew that ribbing could be so time-consuming?

In other news, I get to be a bridesmaid in my friend Tessa's wedding in September! Since she is marrying Mozart-Man's older brother, Steve, I'm pretty excited to be included in my future sister-in-law's plans. She and Steve are going to visit St. Louis in February sometime. Meanwhile, she's stuck in Ohio right now with Mozart-Man, Steve, and Nick, who (from what she tells me) have been playing video games and discussing comic book characters for over forty-eight hours. I very much wish that I could be there with her, but teaching could not be rescheduled so soon after Christmas break. So poor Tessa is retaining her sanity by crocheting and planning the wedding details. We'll both just have to wait a month until we can revel in our yarn craftyness together!

Book List

2010-01-06T16:30:00.006-06:00

As promised, here is the list of books I want to read. Disclaimer: I have no intention of setting a time limit as to when I need to have all of these books completed. Of course, I want to read as many of them as I can; however, I tend to get distracted reading the books which the author includes in his references. Rabbit trails of books!

I also have a habit of re-reading and re-re-reading books that I've already completed. Such as Watership Down, which I just finished for the (probably) twentieth time since I was in elementary school.

Some of these titles have been on my need-to-read list for several years now (Grapes of Wrath). Several books I have read excerpts from in college or high school, but I want to read the book in its entirety (The Republic). Probably ninety percent of these books were recommended to me by my lovely friends : )

Anywho, here they are!

1. How to Read a Book = Mortimer J. Adler

2. The Christian, the Arts, and Truth: Regaining the Vision of Greatness = Frank Gaebelein

3. Modern Art and the Death of a Culture = Hans Rookmaaker

4. The Liberated Imagination: Thinking Christianly about the Arts = Leland Ryken

5. The Christian Imagination: Essays on Literature and the Arts = Leland Ryken

6. Rainbows for the Fallen World: Aesthetic Life and Artistic Task = Calvin Seerveld

7. State of the Arts: From Bezalel to Mapplethorpe = Gene Edward Veith

8. It Was Good- Making Art to the Glory of God = Ned Bustard

9. The Christian Mind = Harry Blamires

10. Selected Essays = T. S. Eliot

11. The Uses of Enchantment = Bruno Bettelheim

12. How Poets Work = Don Patterson/Tony Curtis

13. What Is Art? = Leo Tolstoy

14. Essays in the Philosophy of Art = R. G. Collingwood

15. The Hero with a Thousand Faces = Joseph Campbell

16. The Republic = Plato

17. As a Man Thinketh = James Allen

18. The Grapes of Wrath = John Steinbeck

19. The Heart of Evangelism = Jerram Barrs

20. On Writing = Stephen King

21. Brat Farrar = Josephine Tey

22. The Essential Agrarian Reader = ?

23. Prospects for Growth: A Biblical View of Population, Resources, and the Future = E. Calvin Beisner

24. The Canterbury Tales = Geoffrey Chaucer (started to read)

25. The Moonstone: a Romance = Wilkie Collins

26. Poetry and Truth: From My Own Life = Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

27. About a Boy = Nick Hornby

28. Peter Wimsey = Dorothy Sayers

29. The Mind of the Maker = Dorothy Sayers

30. The Big Overeasy = Jasper Fforde

31. The Fifth Head of Cerberus = Gene Wolfe

32. The Magical Child = Joseph Chilton Pearce

33. Summerhill = A. S. Neil

34. Learning With Love = Suzuki

36. Seven Sins of Memory = ?

37. Your Brain on Music = ?

38. The Theory of Note Grouping = Thurman

39. Learning All the Time = John Holt

40. Educational Kinesiology = Paul Dennison

41. The Gift of Dyslexia = ?

42. Tour de Theory of Education = Jerome Bruner

43. Mastering Guitar Technique = Christopher Berg

44. Friends of Mine = Howard Gardner

45. Extraordinary Minds = Howard Gardner

46. The Human Achievement = Charles Murray

47. How the Irish Saved Civilization = Thomas Cahill

48.The Shelter of Each Other = Mary Pipher

49. The Sense of Wonder = Rachel Carson

50. Culture- Making = Andy Crouch

My Sister Blogs Now Too!

2010-01-02T16:07:00.003-06:00

So, my amazing sister has a blog now. She says, "nobody would ever want to read anything I write." But I think her writing has an amazing sense of realness, conveyed with the dry humor of an extremely observant, laid-back, and creative seventeen year old. I can't force anyone to do anything, but... if you can, go over there and comment on her first blog post so that she'll write some more! I put a link to her blog on my side bar.

By the way, the green hat she made me for Christmas is the one I'm wearing in my picture. She's so cool : )

Happy New Year, 2010!

2009-12-31T11:21:00.002-06:00

Every year I write down goals for the New. I do this because I love traditions, look forward to the fresh start, and feel motivated to incorporate change. Some of my ambitions are relatively simple to implement, while others are far more rigorous. I want to look back at this list on December 31st of 2010 and see how things turned out. Maybe I can make bookmarks of these aspirations as a constant visual reminder.

- Read books primarily for increasing understanding, occasionally for information or entertainment. Lately I've had the same occurrence with books as I've had with cutting sugar out of my diet: the less sugar I consume, the sweeter and more satisfying fruit tastes. I don't remember if I've written this before, but I feel like a kid in a candy shop when I go to a bookstore or the library; only, this candy won't give me a stomach ache! I'll post my (growing) book list for 2010 in my next blog if I can get it all typed into my computer soon.

HUNGER FOR FRUITY BOOKS

- Become more responsible with my money. I don't squander it... I'm not a spendthrift. On the contrary, I'm rather a miser! My problem is that I'm terrible with numbers, math, and budgeting. The monthly figuring requisite for any music teacher literally gives me nightmares. It takes me probably twice as long to do all the sums and check and recheck everything as it would a normal person to get everything right. I studied math all through high school, took my SATS, and got A's in almost every other subject, but numbers of any sort have always been a huge struggle. I need discipline, patience, resolve, diligence, and humility to ask for help in my budgeting this year. I want to know exactly how every penny is being spent, and not become confused in the middle of the month when I find that my grocery budget has fifty more (or, even worse, fifty less) dollars extra in it, and then I wonder if I forgot to pay my phone bill or accidentally took grocery money from some other expense category. Even if all I did was ask Mozart-Man to assist me in my monthly planning and bill-paying (which he has offered to do before, but I was too prideful to accept), that would make a big difference!

BALANCE THE GREEN STUFF

- Strive to notice the beautiful in everything. On the bus ride back to St. Louis this week from Kansas City, I pretended for a while that I couldn't read and had never seen advanced technology before... and then tried to make sense of all the things I saw. You try figuring out what a car wash and vacuum center is with that mindset! Then, as we were driving through Columbia, I examined the surroundings to observe what artistic beauty, good architectural taste, and preservation of natural environment was evident in and around the various buildings. I was surprised with how much and how little I saw. It was definitely a thought-provoking, interesting experience. After reading two books called "Winter World" and "Summer World", my eyes have also been more open to creation and the seasons. Hence why I love my new eco-planner I wrote about in my Christmas post ; )

LOOK FROM THE COLOR SIDE

- Grow in my relationship with Mozart-Man. We've been formally dating for about four years now. I know that at some (very near) point in the future he is going to propose, which I'm extremely excited about : ) I always want to continue to develop a closer relationship with him no matter what stage of our lives we are in; at this time next year, there's a good likelihood that we'll be married, but there is still a lifetime's worth of getting to know him waiting for me! I want to become more graceful, kind, and unselfish in our interactions. I'm so excited to create a life with him. We strive to be complementary to each other's strengths, supportive of each other's accomplishments, and sympathetic of each other's weaknesses. It's a continuous work of grace. His growth as a young man has been so incredible to watch in the period that I've known him. He is one of the most forgiving, gentle, iron-willed, truth-seeking people I've ever met. Yes, he has his faults, but I will strive to be merciful and gracious towards him, as mercy has been so often extended to me when I did not deserve it.

LOVE MOZART-MAN MORE

- Explore the role of becoming a CAHSA artist. I made up this position after reading a book my mom gave Emily to read this semester, called "Art for God's Sake" by Philip Ryken. It outlines four principles which an artist (any artist, performing, visual, creative, etc.) can use to orient themselves and their artistic talents on Christ.

1) Calling: Your creative gift is a blessing from God; likewise, your calling to become an artist (or any other vocation) is also from God. The occupation of a music teacher or a photographer can be just as God-honoring as that of a pastor. It depends on your mindset. I'll describe this in more detail in point four.

2) All: God takes delight in all venues of art. Of course, anything that is contrary to the Word, such as pornography or racist propaganda, is not something good, so there is a line that is drawn. However, one art is not "better" or "more spiritual" than another. A painting of the city of Los Angeles can speak as much about God or His attributes as a song with lyrics about Jesus. Art does not have to scream "Christian!" in order to point to God; one's worldview comes out in the art one creates no matter what belief system is held.

3) High Standards: Imagine that your art, whether it was a music composition, a painting, a film, a short story, a wooden chair, was going up for assessment in front of a panel of the most prestigious, brilliant artists in your field. Naturally you would want anything you submitted to be the very best! Translate that to us frail beings offering up our tiny artistry to the Creator of the universe. Would you want it to be kitschy, mediocre, or false? Now, I don't believe that God is out there scoffing at our trifling attempts to imitate Him, or judging our art to be pathetic or not good enough; rather, His amazing works of splendor, complexity, and design even on the most microscopic scale should inspire us to create "in His image". Art is condoned and encouraged in many places in the Bible, with music, embroidery, metal-working, dance, singing, carpentry, poetry, abstract art, representational/allegorical art, and other avenues of creative expression portrayed as obviously important to God's people.

4) All Art is for God's glory: Everything we do should be for the glory of the one who is the ultimate Artist. This mindset does not allow for some areas of life to be considered "spiritual" and some areas to be "secular". God created man... man is redeemed through Christ, not just part of man, but the whole man. I read a quote the other day that "The Christian is the one whose imagination should fly beyond the stars." The intellect, the curiosity, the inventiveness, the soul and center of man can be freed to truly explore and create once the redemptive power of Christ over every aspect of living is confessed. Truth is graspable. Truth can and should be conveyed in every artistic endeavor.

This is not to say that there is not ugliness in the world. As the book I mentioned pointed out, the Christian is not called to simply cover up the unpleasant. Rainbows and kittens and happiness are not what the world is all about. Sometimes there is a call to deliberately drag the frightful injustices of this earth into view... even a necessity. But the difference in the Christian is that we cannot stop there, at debasement. The world has not fallen without hope. Christ was born, Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ is coming again! There is the promise of life in the midst of death. These epic themes of Creation, Fall, and Redemption speak to artists of all cultures, ethnic heritages, ages, capabilities, and styles.

I am saying these things for my own sake. I see the vast sinfulness in my life. I see my need for a Savior. But I also see that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, as all are, and given specific abilities to be used compassionately or selfishly. This is a call to dedicate everything in life, especially my love of music and teaching, to God.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY

Christmas!

2009-12-30T05:53:00.022-06:00

Hmmm, I really haven't posted in a while. Most of that lull is due to the fact that I caught a cold, thought I was over it, overworked myself, and had the cold turn into a full blown sinus/ear infection. The doctor thought I had pneumonia, so chest x-rays ensued... but it wasn't. Lots of antibiotics and sleep and Christmas break relaxation later, I feel WAY better, with just a little cough to remind me that I'm stupid for (once again) trying to push through illness without letting my body heal itself.

But this break has been good so far! My mom and stepdad came to St. Louis for Christmas, which was lovely. We went ice skating the next day for my stepdad's birthday, and to a delicious Italian restaurant, Pietro's. Mozart-Man and I hung out a lot. Then I went back to Kansas City with my family to spend a few days there with them and sister Emily, who flew back into town from Idaho. We got her a PS2 and several Final Fantasy games and Kingdom Hearts. She and I have been playing K. H. whenever we get the chance : )

As my mom pointed out, Christmas is supposed to be a time to celebrate, so I decided to have my return to sugar a little earlier than New Year's day. It was a good choice. Who could resist home-made cheesecake? Yummy! I will say, though, that I did have a headache from the sugar, despite how tasty it was. Now I will only have small amounts of sugar in moderation, which is to say hopefully once or twice a week at the most.

I'm so glad I went for that period of time without sugar, to the best of my ability. I felt healthier (until the cold/infection), slept better, and ate better.

My family and Mozart-Man got me some really amazing things for Christmas. I'm so thankful for them!

From mom and Sean:

A food processor! Now I can make Parsnip-Apple Soup!!!

Adorable boots. I've never had boots before.

A hilarious, informative book that I've been wanting for almost three years.

A calendar with paintings by my favorite artist, Wassily Kandinsky, who I'm pretty sure is a synesthete like me, even though he is still "under investigation".

From my sister Em, Selected Stories from Father Brown, by G. K. Chesterton:

Emily also crocheted me a beautiful green hat... pictures later!

My dad gave me a Celtic wall-hanging and this t-shirt, except it says Idaho instead of Alaska:

And Mozart-Man, my dear, gave me this awesome read....

....and this planner, which is incredible and should be way more popular than it is.

Each day is named something different. Today, for example, is WoodPeewee. Yesterday was ElmTree. Tomorrow is MuleDeer. The continuation of time is centered around the seasons, the sky (Universal Time, seasonal stars, planets), the sun (solar events such as eclipses, equinoxes, perihelion and aphelion, etc.), the moon cycle (phases, tide charts), and the flora and fauna responses to seasonal conditions. The calendar is based off of phenomenon in the Northern Hemisphere. It still portrays the Gregorian calendar, but more emphasis is placed on natural seasons.

What I really like is that it is focused on the earth, without being new age or very evolution-based. It gives the nod in the beginning to "our universe is billions of years old", but that's about it. If anything, it serves to point out how complex and beautiful the world is. The fact that each day is named differently highlights the uniqueness of every moment. What a wonderful way to view life!

It puzzles me that, in the introduction, the author can proclaim how "the universe is not about us, that we are not the centerpiece", because we as humans have only existed for a small amount of time compared to the rest of the galaxy (which I don't believe), and then in the next sentence say, "Nor do we live in isolation from its infinite wonders; rather we are intimate and integral participants".

When I look at nature, I see no other explanation than the hand of a Creator. When others look at nature, they see impossible processes with design but no designer. I will never be able to understand.

If you are interested, here's a good article that explains the ECOlogical Calendar:

http://www.utne.com/2003-01-01/ReimaginingtheDaysofOurLives.aspx

Sorry, you'll have to copy and paste the link into your browser... I can't figure out how to make it a real link : p

Day 19 of No More Sugar

2009-12-15T14:45:00.005-06:00

Have I ever said how much I love fruit? Well, I do. It tastes sweet in a satisfying, energizing way that makes me happy. Berries in particular are wonderful.

My students have begun to gift me with baked goods and candy for Christmas. They are lovely beings.

I've been reading so many books at once that I've added several new ones to the sidebar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wisdom given to me from the past several days:

- Friendship does not require that the two persons share the same agreements about everything. If the relationship is beneficial, with give-and-take from both, causing growth in wisdom and love, then it will overcome age, background, ethnicity, popularity, and other areas that can cause divisiveness.

"Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it."
- Song of Solomon

- Wisdom can be found in life everywhere if you are quiet. Look instead of demand attention. Listen instead of speak. Read instead of write. Watch for the good instead of the bad. Honor those who have more wisdom.

"If you sit upon the bench
And see before you standing
A trembling old man,
Get up from your seat
And bid him sit down.
Then will he say
A good man taught you first.
Then sit afterward
Beside him, and learn wisdom."
- A proverb of King Alfred

- It is the rare person who will not respond to a sincere smile and an attempt to bridge a personal connection, even in passing for only a moment. Several years ago, a very dear friend told me to learn how to speak "in the language of the moon". I had no idea what he meant, but the process of discovering this language has been ongoing since then. As my latest exploration, I've experimented for several weeks with this at shopping stores, the library, student's parents, the students themselves as we begin our lessons, those who pass by on the street. I see how these people react to my smiling and making some sort of comment that draws them into an interaction. There is always a response, a brightening of the eyes, a grin, smalltalk and birth of association, a light in the hustle and head-down run of our closed society.

"Still though, think about this,
This great pull in us
To connect.
Why not become the one
Who lives with a full moon in each eye
That is always saying,
With that sweet moon
Language,
What every other eye in this world
Is dying to
Hear."
- Hafiz

More lessons are being absorbed even as I write this, but they haven't found outlet yet for words. This is all part of the Quest.

Day 18 of No More Sugar

2009-12-14T12:12:00.005-06:00

In spite of all my efforts, I caught a cold. Not feeling too sick, though, just had a sore throat for several days, runny nose, and finally a cough that started up yesterday morning. The cough is the worst because it aggravates asthma and doesn't let me sleep well. At least I know my body is fighting the bug off, and I'll be feeling better in no time as long as I continue to (hopefully) get sleep and take care of myself.

Had a gingerbread cookie yesterday from church. Bad me. Couldn't resist.

This made me happy.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Days 14-17 of No More Sugar

2009-12-13T15:42:00.001-06:00

Here's a list of my mistakes in the No Sugar regime over the past few days:

- Two cough-drops for my sore throat which were so sweet that they obviously contained sugar. Oops.

- A chewy candy given to me by one of my young students after his lesson.

- Toast with strawberry jam eaten at a brunch before I thought twice about the sugar in the jam.

- A small glass of cranberry juice (from concentrate) at an elderly friend's house. I didn't want to to seem rude by not drinking it.

This just helps illustrate how prevalent sugar is. You can't escape it! Or at least, you can try, but it's very difficult.

I had a massage on Saturday morning from the wife of another guitar teacher I know. She is a professional massage therapist, and I thought that if I was going to go get a massage to help ease the remaining tension in my neck, I'd rather go to someone I knew; the thought of strangers touching me is uncomfortable. The atmosphere in the massage room was peaceful with candles and soft music, so I relaxed almost immediately. Even though I had only signed up for half an hour, I wished that I'd asked for a whole hour! The whole experience was well worth it. There is no pain in my neck or back anymore, and I slept without waking up constantly through the night with my muscles aching from lying in one position too long. I was very thankful.

I attended the St. Louis symphony last night to hear Handel's Messiah. It was a lovely concert! The soloists were all quite wonderful; the bass in particular made his solos, which I usually don't like, sound clear in the difficult runs. Instead of a female alto, a countertenor sang the role; he did a great job. But what makes a person (like me) pay so much money for a temporary pleasure such as this musical concert? Now, at least in my case, I paid the minimum amount possible for a ticket, and got one of the least desirable seats, way in the back underneath the balcony where the sound is muffled and the noise of people coming in and out of the doors of the hall is very distracting. The seats up front, up in the balcony, and in the boxes are priced far higher than what my ticket cost! Yet the place was packed; the only empty seat I could see in the audience on the floor was next to me. Why do some people pay the vast amounts of money for the costlier seats, and the wine, desserts, expensive dinners, etc. that they consume before the concert?

Drawing from that thought, what makes people so eager to pay hundreds or even thousands of dollars for temporary pleasures? The pleasures I'm thinking of in particular are those of the performing arts, fine cuisine, and visual arts; I know there are others, but I'm only concerned with these right now. Each of these pleasures caters to one aspect of the human senses: the ears for music, the palate for food, the eyes for movement/dance and artwork. Until the advent of audio/video recording, little entertainment could be found apart from live performance. Feasts of delicious food were only to be had on holidays in the previous centuries, but with the rise of the modern restaurant industry a luxurious meal is readily obtainable at any time. Even with the availability of art museums in every city, fine art can be found in the homes of those who care to aesthetically edify their surroundings and themselves. Our culture isn't used to having to wait for anything. We go out of our way to provide ourselves with these enjoyments, all the time knowing that they won't last.

Do people desire these things chiefly for diversion from the hardships of life (amusement), to indulge in sybaritic pleasure (hedonism), or to promote the culture of their mind and perceptive faculties (sophistication)? Do they even question why they desire these things?

Looking to the future, will this generation of children raised on television, video and computer games, microwaves, and instant gratification be interested in the arts once they reach adulthood? Good taste is something to be cultivated, promoted by those whose discernment is more profound than our own. I don't think the problem is that the majority of the population feels too enlightened to listen to past wisdom, but that the general public has reached a point of apathy which prevents them not only from caring what history has to teach, but renders them incapable of understanding it.

Days 11, 12, and 13 of No More Sugar

2009-12-09T20:26:00.004-06:00

I made a delicious drink on Monday. The left-over juices from a pear that I simmered in a mixture of water, lemon juice, cinnamon, ginger, honey, and ground cloves were put into a large mug and reheated. Then I boiled water and made tea with Hot Apple Cider Tea bags from the Republic of Tea brand. Combining the pear juice concoction and the fresh tea was AMAZING. It was better than spiced cider! It satisfied the sugar craving that I'd had since that morning when I and two the two other music teachers I work with had a breqakfast meeting at Panera Bread Company, and I thought I was going to swoon when I smelled the fresh cookies and hot chocolate. Mmmmm.

I have definitely noticed that I am more focused in everyday activities since giving up sugar. I also have more energy. Both of these things are very good when one is a teacher of young children! Hopefully my immune system is also boosted by the lack of sugar in my diet; I've had a scratchy sore throat for the past forty-eight hours that I think is slowly going away. The elderberry syrup, astragalus root extract, orange juice, and extra sleep I've been getting will counteract any illness also, God willing. Wouldn't it be great to make it through an entire semester without getting sick?

Day 12: WANT SUGAR. WANT SUGAR. WANT SUGAR.

I actually paced around my apartment thinking I was going to go crazy. I considered eating my roommate's chocolate chip cookies, but I didn't because I hadn't asked her, and we try to be considerate about food. I almost ate raw sugar, but in the end just had a few spoonfuls of honey. Didn't help much. So much for being focused.

So I had a glass of water, toast, and a cup of Green Machine Naked Juice. And read a book. And knitted furiously.

Double arg.

Today: Not too bad. I was mostly just cold because of the twenty-degree weather with flurries of snow all day. Had more pears and clementines. Hung out with Mozart-Man and got creamed at a game of cards. But I was definitely back to my focus and energy.

Much more calm today. What determines if I'm going to have major sugar cravings? I'll be more attentive to that in the future.

Days 8, 9, and 10 of No More Sugar

2009-12-07T09:39:00.000-06:00

On Saturday night I baked about three dozen ginger-bear cookies for one of several before-Christmast potlucks at my church. Here's my admittance of guilt: I ate two cookies. I had never made the recipe before and it's just WRONG for a baker to not taste-test her own goods. Strangely enough, I didn't like them! They tasted too artificially sweet. I was glad I had tasted them, because next time I'll know to not add so much molasses and to not bake them for more than eight minutes, but the craved sugar-rush I had been expecting never came. The cookies tasted... bland. Fruit juice tasted more satisfying. Maybe it was just this particular recipe. Mozart-Man certainly liked the cookies.

Now, the buffet of Christmas cookies at the church event was far more tempting. I am a sucker for those little frosting covered snowmen, red-hot candy dotted trees, green sprinkled wreaths, and gingerbread men. But I did not have any, and felt stupid and deprived. It was the closest I've come to giving up on this self-imposed No Sugar regime. What idiot gives up sugar during the Christmas season?

Here's something I've been thinking about the past few days. What is the fine line between confidence and arrogance?

A girl I met recently (a friend of a friend) expressed her views in a manner that appeared egotistic and presumptuous. While she conveyed several points that were well-articulated, most of her professions were no more than opinions, not rationalized by logical arguments. Her reasoning was guided by variable cultural dogma meant to help justify her behavior.

This bugged me a lot. "How can she think that she knows it all, when she can't even back herself up with logical reasons for her actions and/or some sort of fundamental ethics of integrity? Especially when she is so young; it's not like she has had years and years of experience!"

Guess who else this example mirrors? It hit me that I might also behave this way. In thinking about how this girl's presentation of her opinions might have been more palatable, it seemed that a semblance of humility would have made a difference in her impact. Are people automatically turned off to hearing my point of view because I exude hubris? Am I justified in an authoritative perspective if I can provide a reasoned case for myself? Or is logical argument simply seen as excuses, whiny pleas of defense, or preachiness? But if I don't take a firm stand on what I believe, then won't I come across as spineless, or at the very least, indecisive?

How can I be confident but not arrogant? How can I be resolute but not inflammatory? Or, because of my moral beliefs, will I even be able to present a tenacious claim to truth without being offensive to a society that holds relative humanism as its code of ethics? From what I've seen, the answer is no; someone who claims to know "what's right and wrong" is rejected as a high-minded snob.

As I've been learning more of recently, greater age doesn't necessarily mean greater maturity. So what do I say to people who tell me that I can't possibly know what I'm talking about because I'm much younger than they are? Also, doesn't that make me somewhat of a hypocrite for looking down on the younger girl I mentioned earlier? However, her age wasn't my first or foremost objection; if she had been willing to present rational, ethical arguments for her viewpoints, then I would have been much more inclined to consider her thoughts. No matter what the age, if a person chooses to base their ideas on moral standards and clear reason, then why should I or anyone else not be happy to examine an opposing perspective?

I don't feel like going into a full doctrinal debate here about why I hold moral standards to be just as important (if not more important) as logical reason... that can be reserved for another time. This has been another topic of interest to me lately as I have delved into Thomas Paine's writings, especially selections from his book "The Age of Reason". Paine was a Deist who believed that reason, not the divine, was the central means of discovering truth. He offers some intriguing arguments for his worldview, but I don't agree with his ultimate source for virtue.

Anyway, these are just some questions that have been rattling around in my head as the quest begins. More on the quest later.

Days 6 and 7 of No More Sugar

2009-12-03T16:34:00.000-06:00

On Tuesday night, my back was strangely sore. "Never mind," I thought, "so what that I slept for three nights on the floor during Thanksgiving break, or played a two hour gig on Saturday after not having touched a guitar for a week, or have been teaching bent over children's music stands for hours every day... never mind that I've been neglecting exercise for several months, thinking that standing at my job constituted enough of a physical workout... of course I'll be fine."

Then Wednesday morning I woke up and turned over in bed to sit up straight, and something popped in my neck. Hello, pulled muscle. At least I didn't have to teach in the morning, so I was able to rest all day taking tylenol, putting a warm herbal pack on my neck, and getting several massages from Mozart-Man. I was able to teach at night even though it hurt; sleeping wasn't a problem as long as I lay on my back very still.

As of this morning, I have more mobility and less pain. I feel blessed that I was given just a warning and wasn't completely immobilized. I really need to get back into an exercise regime, preferably a mix of yoga (which stretches and strengthens muscles) and walking out in nature (for fresh air/sunshine). Pretty stupid of me to let this area of health slide while attempting to improve another.

Wednesday brought sugar cravings full-force again. A peppermint hot chocolate sounded SO GOOD! Christmas cookies, creme brulee, and cheesecake would have been fine by me too : ) I almost stopped at Starbucks, but didn't.

Of course, I've been noticing all these great dessert recipes lately. Today I clipped an article out of St. Louis's local dining/food magazine, Sauce. It was a mouth-watering photo of Milk Chocolate Semifreddo, with the recipe included. Mmmmm. Plus another recipe for Bittersweet Hot Chocolate in the same magazine, and a Raspberry Souffle from an Irish cookbook Mozart-Man found at Barnes and Noble. Well... I'll just have to try these recipes next year sometime. Maybe.

I guess my mindset is that if I can prove to myself that I don't need sugar for over a month, then I'll feel like I'm not addicted to it. After that, sugar in small amounts is allowable every once in a while, as a treat, which is what it's supposed to be. But given how much high fructose corn syrup and other processed sugars are hidden in foods nowadays, it's not surprising to read statistics that say the average person consumes approximately two or more tablespoons of corn syrup a day. White flour and sweeteners are what I'm avoiding.

Garrrr. I want some pumpkin pie.

Day 5 of No More Sugar

2009-12-01T12:30:00.002-06:00

I feel a little more focused today. Too cautious yet to think that the cravings are past, but it's nice to not feel like banging my head against a wall. I've been drinking the Blue Machine Naked Juice; the small cup I had this morning tasted heavenly, and very sweet. Maybe I'll get so used to not having processed sugars that fruits will seem as sweet as candy used to. That would be cool!

A hymn that I used to sing a lot came into my thoughts last night as I was meditating about my day. The first verse was the only one that I remember fully:

We have not known thee as we ought,
Nor learned thy wisdom, grace and pow'r;
The things of earth have filled our thought,
And trifles of the passing hour.
Lord, give us light thy truth to see,
And make us wise in knowing thee.

With these words of wisdom, problems like changing my diet, dealing with difficult students, deciding how best to budget my money, and which friendships to pursue can be seen in a new light.

Ending on a different note: this isn't the first time I tried to cut sugar out of my eating habits. When I was nine years old, I mis-read a book about recycling and the environment, and thought it said that soda is carbonated by the gases emanating from garbage dumps. That's what I get for trying to read books at a higher level than I was capable of comprehending at the time! I was so terrified of drinking "trash gas" that I swore off soda for almost a year. Pretty drastic for a kid. I was a total fanatic about not drinking carbonated beverages, and of course all my friends got a lecture about it, too. They thought I was crazy.

I couldn't make it forever, though. My downfall was rootbeer. It's so tasty.

Day 4 of No More Sugar

2009-11-30T16:09:00.003-06:00

I'm constantly thinking about sugary things. I practically poured the Ovaltine down Mozart-Man's throat today so that I wouldn't be tempted by it anymore (not that he was unwilling to drink it). I've had orange juice, clementines, and frozen raspberries, all of which are sweet, but not what my body wants.

This is going to be a very frustrating process. Can someone really be this addicted to sugar as to experience withdrawal symptoms? No headache... but I can't focus well, can't go two minutes without visions of cookies and Skittles popping into my brain, and am constantly thirsty even though I'm well-hydrated. Maybe I'm over-thinking this. Or maybe it's not such a big deal, and I'm making it into a big deal.

My goal is to make it one month with no sugar. On January 1st, if I succeed, I will allow myself ONE dessert. We'll see if the cravings have dissipated by this point, and/or if a taste of sugar sets them off again. Once I don't feel like I'm controlled by my urges for sweetness, then I'll feel okay with enjoying them on rare occasions.

Blegh. Arg. More juice tonight.

Sheepish/Feeling Foolish/smacks forehead

2009-11-29T15:35:00.003-06:00

Let me just say that sometimes I get a good reminder of how immature I am... and then I laugh at myself. Thank you to Peter, who showed me (again) that I'm a silly twenty-two year old who can be just as immature as anyone else I might point fingers at. You're a pretty cool person, Peter, and I wish there were more people as honest as you.

Growth comes slowly. Thank you for putting up with me.

Days 2 and 3 of No Sugar

2009-11-29T15:34:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was just a matter of not accepting the sugary drink offered to me at the art open house where I provided background music. I wanted to have a sip of Mozart-Man's soda on the ride back to St. Louis from Kansas City (Thanksgiving with my family was very nice, by the way), but I refrained. Perseverance wasn't a problem.

Yogurt was out of the question for breakfast this morning, because it has sugar. There wasn't really anything else to eat for breakfast since I haven't gone grocery shopping yet after being gone for a week, but I wasn't terribly hungry anyway. Now, though, after a tasty lunch of fettucini noodles and broccoli, I'm really starting to crave sugar. There's a big jar of Ovaltine mix sitting on top of the microwave, which I love. Even the Lane cookies, a rather bland graham-crackerish sort of snack I sometimes dip in tea, are off limits right now... and they are sitting on my counter. I am going to have to do something about giving those cookies away, or putting them deep into my pantry so that they don't tempt me. Mozart-Man will probably drink the Ovaltine if I offer it to him.

I'm going to get some Naked Juice at the store, and some fruit and frozen berries. That will hopefully assuage some of the cravings that are popping up so quickly. This shouldn't be such a hard thing. Arg.

In more exciting and important news, today is the first of Advent. The Christian calendar is centered around the major events of the ministry of Jesus Christ. Advent counts down the days to Christmas, where we celebrate the birth of the One who was and is God incarnate. Christmas has been so over-commercialized that there is practically no mystery; not even children seem to believe in Santa Claus anymore, let alone Jesus as the Lord and Savior born on earth to die for our sins.

Mozart-Man and I bought an advent wreath so that this year we can go through the weekly celebrations together. There are Scripture readings for every day use that we can read in our alone time, also. The advent readings explore the names given to Jesus in the Old and New Testaments of the Bible. By discovering the meanings and history behind the many names of Christ, we can grow closer in to God. Jesus is not just a mythical figure, or just a good man, or a teacher, or a philosopher, or a porcelain doll in a nativity scene... He is the Savior, the Light for a darkened culture, and the only possibility for lasting peace.

No More Sugar: Breaking the Addiction, Day 1

2009-11-27T09:43:00.003-06:00

Ever since I read "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee, one of the stories that stuck with me the most was that of Ms. Dubois. For those who have not read this book, she was an elderly lady who was very ill, and had been medicated with morphine for years to numb the pain of her sickness. However, she told her lawyer (the main character, Scout's, father) that she wanted to die "beholden to nothing and nobody", if my memory serves me right. So she slowly weaned herself away from the medication; I'll leave the story intact for you to read on your own. But what struck me as interesting was the fact that she refused to remain addicted to anything and died a "free woman".

This is one of the most inspirational things that I have ever read. This unlikely character in a novel embodied a small part of one of my ultimate goals: to cut out of my life all things that are not good or beneficial to myself, so that I can better serve others. At the top of the list of good/beneficial things is God and His saving grace. Other things beneath that which are good and help me so that I can help others are: physical health, nature, friendships, family, and investing my time in favorable activities such as books, music, handiwork, cooking, etc.

So I don't want to be addicted to anything. No, I'm not on drugs, I don't smoke, drink, gamble, or any other things that people usually think of when they describe addiction. Over the past year or so there have been other things that I HAVE made an effort to cut out of my life, though, that had made me "physically and mentally dependent" on them, as the dictionary says. Several debilitating friendships were the first to go, as I have written in previous posts. I cut out coffee and soda (every once in a while I have these drinks, but it's a big treat now), fantasy books, some bad music that was not advantageous for my mental or spiritual well-being, and too much sleeping (I personally need only about seven or eight hours of sleep to feel completely rested, but I enjoy sleeping nine or ten hours and will take naps if the opportunity allows).

The last thing on my addiction list, that I am CURRENTLY aware of, is sugar. I love sugar. I would eat it all the time if I could. I usually have some sort of sugar every day. I mean, it's in so many foods and drinks that it's almost unavoidable. Several times I've tried to not eat sugar anymore, but after about two days I get immense cravings for it. So I end up eating sugar again anyway. This time I want to try to kick the habit.

Honey and fruit are the only sugars I will allow myself. Honey because I use it in tea, and eating local honey over the past few years has slowly been helping me with pollen allergies. Fruit, in moderation, is healthy; plus I absolutely love smoothies : ) With these two "sweet" substances, I will try to satisfy the sugar cravings that I know will hit. Maybe I could find some recipes to make fruit muffins or breads using honey as a sweetener, too.

So here it goes! I'm optimistic now... I had some of my mom's fruit salsa today, with kiwis, apples, raspberries, strawberries, and orange juice mixed together. My sister and I shared a Vitamin Water at lunch which I didn't even think about until I looked at the label and realized that it had cane sugar in it. Oops. Well, I guess it is just going to have to be a constant process of looking to see if is any hidden sugar in the foods/drinks I would eat every day.

Back to the Beginning

2009-11-19T10:51:00.004-06:00

Every day since I've graduated it seems like these two things happen, often simultaneously:

- I learn something new and feel more intelligent.
- I realize something about myself or about the new subject that makes me feel stupid.

Maybe it's because during school I didn't have a chance to feel smart or dumb, just overwhelmed with so much information being shoved into my brain. Or maybe it's because I'm arrogant in thinking that I'm always learning; however, I don't really feel that acquiring new knowledge makes one necessarily more ingenious; on the contrary, it seems that the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know and also how much I am unfit to accomplish. If I have an epiphany that I spend too much time reading fantasy books, then I realize how difficult it will be to train my mind and my taste to adjust to a more solid diet of wholesome literature. Or, on the mundane side, if I research the properties of garlic as beneficial to the body's healing processes (and the cooking pot), then I am exposed to the vast realm of medical, culinary, and scientific areas about this plant that I have no time or energy to devote to.

I'm beginning to see that there is so much information in the world, and so little time, that the only way to gain an understanding of even a minute portion of it is to be very careful about what I spend my time reading/researching/pondering/watching/writing. This world is getting bigger every day... I must step delicately from subject to subject in my quest for good. More about this quest in a later post... it has a lot to do with the books I've been reading lately.

One of the major questions in my life right now (and I expect will always continue to be at the forefront) is this: what do you want your friends to be?

Strange question, yes. There are many different kinds of friends. There are those who you hang out with because you have similar interests, those you see every few months just to catch up with over lunch or coffee, those you see only because you feel like you've known them for so long that you just have to keep in touch with them (even though your interests and lives are very divergent), those you hang out with because you enjoy their personality/store of knowledge and feel like you can benefit from their company, those who mentor you, those who you mentor... the list could go on and on. I have friends in each of those categories, and many others.

Each friendship has a purpose, whether the two people have defined it or not. I want my relationships with other people to be intentional: deliberately working for their betterment AND mine. Isn't that what friendships are for? It sounds selfish to say that I want a friendship in order to better myself, but that's the honest truth; it's not at all the same as wanting a friendship that will put myself in the path of monetary or political or social privileges, but a benefit towards deepened inner knowledge, of myself, others, culture, music, religion, philosophy, and all the other issues which inevitably come up in conversation and activity. At the forefront is the desire to build the relationship with the other person. A very wise lady told me last weekend, "Aside from religion, the best thing people have to look forward to in life is deep, meaningful friendship."

There have been several people who I've begun to build new friendships with during the past six months. The time since graduation served to cull relationships that were merely acquaintances, superficial hi-how-are-you's, and those whose presence in my life produced no benefit either for them or for me. In consequence, there was much more time available for the people whose companionship would bring about mutual growth.

This has been difficult at times, because it's strange to go from being around many other students every day and all day at school, to having only occasional company. My roommate and my boyfriend thankfully alleviate the blank times in my schedule; it has been a huge blessing to spend more quality time with Mozart-Man instead of always having to do homework or practice! Now, the time that I do spend with others is more fulfilling; there is less shallow talk and more time spent getting under the surface. Always a process, always growing, but steadily deepening friendships.

I know I wrote another post about friends not too long ago, but I couldn't help writing this one too.

More books!

2009-11-06T21:38:00.001-06:00

I went to the St. Louis Big Read book festival last month with Diane. We had just acquired a new bookshelf from Target, shiny and black. Even though the other two bookshelves were straining at the seams, new books just seemed too good to pass up! We visited the used book tables and I came away with these:

The Canterbury Tales- Geoffery Chaucer [Always wanted to read this.]

The Tolkein Reader- J. R. R. Tolkein [An old favorite, but hard to find.]

The Book of Three- Lloyd Alexander [First book of a beloved childhood series.]

Robert Frost Anthology of Poems [Wonderful words.]

Emma- Jane Austen [The book is always better than the movie!]

Robotech Books 1-3- Jack McKinney [These were turned into a great anime series.]

Robotech Books 4-6- Jack McKinney [Yes, I'm a nerd.]

Lives of the Artists- Giorgio Vasari [Written in the late 1500's, it's a very interesting perspective on art and philosophy of the culture.]

A Christmas Carol- Charles Dickens [A must-read once a year.]

Plus, I read from the library a very interesting historical work of non-fiction, called "The Artist, the Philosopher, and the Warrior" by Paul Strathern. The book provides an interesting view on Da Vinci, Machiavelli, and Borgia, and why the short time these three men interacted with each other affected them deeply for the rest of their lives. A little slow in some parts, but quite worth the read.

Why I Don't Write Much Lately

2009-10-03T09:25:00.001-06:00

Why do I have so many interests? There is never enough time for them all, especially because family, friends, basic living needs, and jobs come before them. The activities on the first list are constant; I am always working on them and expanding my knowledge. On the second list are hobbies that I enjoy, but rotate throughout the year as I feel like it and have time. The third list are things that I want to get into someday when I have the time/space/money.

List Number One

- Cooking: everyone needs to eat! New recipes are shiny.
- Reading: mostly non-fiction lately.
- Herbs: growing and eating them.
- Naturopathy: prevention of getting sick.
- Music: performing and listening. More listening than performing lately.
- Weather: I love studying the signs that predict it in nature and enjoying the effects.
- Nature: who doesn't enjoy a nice walk?
- Teaching: I can't believe how blessed I am that this hobby is my job.
- Correspondence: generally emails, getting back into letter-writing.
- Studying: the Bible and my hobby subjects.

List Number Two

- Knitting: most recently, making little dolls with some ladies from church.
- Crocheting: easier than knitting, but less options with what I can create.
- Writing: poetry has to be inspired so it comes when I get the spark.
- Naturopathy: treating myself when I get sick.
- Nature: hiking. studying birds, trees, and plants.
- Juggling: I generally do this in springtime when it's cool. Sometimes autumn.
- Magic the Gathering card game: nerdy pastime! Just have to be in the mood.
- Travel: to visit family and national parks.
- Studying: politics, world history, people (biographies), philosophy, theology, poetry, teaching methods.

List Number Three

- Chickens: raising them for eggs.
- Gardening: I need a backyard.
- Composting: to recycle all the food scraps that come from my cooking.
- Writing: maybe short stories someday.
- Nature: camping again like I used to with my family.
- Teaching: my own kids.
- Travel: can anyone say Ireland? And the redwoods.

Moving, or the Lack Of

2009-08-30T13:18:00.000-06:00

This morning, my roommate's cell phone rang while she was in the shower; the constant beeping as a reminder of a missed call started to annoy me, so I went into her room to turn it off. The missed call was from "Home". I realized, of course, that this meant someone from her family had tried to reach her (they live about half an hour away), but then I realized something else. I have my family members entered into my cell phone as individuals, but there's no one number I have titled "home".

It seems insignificant. My mom has always taught me that home is where your family is. I would whole-heartedly agree with that. But when Mozart-Man talks wistfully about living his first eight years in one house, then moving a few miles away to the house his family still owns, and the childhood joys of always having the same familiar surroundings and life-long friends... I start to think that maybe I've missed something.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I didn't like moving. I love change! I've moved many times, and except for the common annoyances of cleaning the old and new houses, packing and unpacking for days, and the occasional bad weather that inhibited the carrying of furniture, moving always seemed to me (as a child) a marvelous occasion. Granted, I was young most of the times my family moved, so I know that the vast bulk of the work fell on my parents; I didn't have nearly as much responsibility as they did, so I'm sure my enjoyment of the process of moving was due somewhat to my youthful status.

Plus, I've been very blessed to have some long-lasting friends, not quite life-time, but long nonetheless! Simon and Sarah, who I've known since they were five years old and a toddler almost fifteen years ago, my old guitar teacher Kelli and her husband Jim who have been my teachers, mentors, and second parents since I was eight, Matt and Ryan (back in Idaho) who were homeschooled along with me from third grade up to high-school graduation, and several others. These are the ones I'm still in contact with! Yes, moving through three different states in eighteen years doesn't help cement friendships, but I've never felt anything except gratitude to my family for the moves we've undertaken.

Most of the time I manage to push away nagging thoughts by telling myself, "but you like change, you're the one who starts to get jumpy after being in one place 'too long', you're the one who loves learning new things, going new places, exploring, traveling! You've never liked staying in one place longer than a few years anyway." All this is true. Yet one thing is more true: the things I love the most are the ones that have been with me the longest. Is this because I feel nostalgic for the things in my past that brought pleasure? Or is it because there's something in me that wants more stability, trying to keep contact established with something that won't be temporary?

Old movies that I loved as a child have suddenly begun to resurface. Diane (roommate) and I watched the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice this week; there are so many new things that I'm noticing now that I had never seen when I was younger! Joe bought me the Disney movie "Three Caballeros" for my birthday earlier this month. It's still a favorite! Then there's all the old books I used to love as a kid... I found "Gregory the Terrible Eater" at a thrift store last weekend for fifty cents, and "The Hundred Dresses" by Eleanor Estes for a buck at Goodwill a month ago. A box of stuff I'd thought was thrown away when my mom sold the house shortly after I went to college suddenly resurfaced, and I was reunited with the eight framed guitar pictures I'd hung on my bedroom wall as a teenager, a real stuffed toad mounted upright on a wood platform playing the guitar, my first doll who I couldn't live without for the first ten years of my life (she was a Cabbage Patch doll named Lucille), and other little knick-knacky items.

Even more than these items of dust, it's the people. My family is amazing, and I know that I can always go to them and they will love me. The few close friends I have now in Missouri are a blessing. It's been great to build up a friendship with Heather, who is my closest female friend (even though she's now in a different state working on campus outreach, I still get to see her sometimes!). Alec, who I first met through guitar ensemble when he was twelve almost five years ago, is now a good friend, and his family has welcomed me as the oldest sibling. Then there's Mozart-Man. His continued presence in my life, through thick and thin, has meant all the more to me considering that my constant flighty want for change has several times in the past almost swept him out of the picture. But he never leaves and never gives up on me, and for that I am extremely grateful.

What would it be like to stay in one spot for a change? To let some things stay? To not constantly worry about losing friends because of divided church politics?

The thought of tying myself into a place, on the one hand, makes me nervous and apprehensive: there's no way out! I have to be able to go where I want! On the other hand...

I don't know. Lots of prayer, lots of thinking.

How Can a Song Make Me So Mad?

2009-08-20T09:14:00.001-06:00

There's a song on the radio lately that has been setting my teeth on edge. While in the car, if I'm driving less than half an hour, I will usually rotate my stations between classical, country, and oldies, switching if a commercial break occurs. On the country station is a song by a band named Gloriana; evidently, it's become quite popular. The lyrics make me angry, though, because they are feeding young people lies. Here's an example:

Down a back road
long hot summer
two kids running loose and wild.
He kissed her
she said, "Mister
take an inch and I'll give you mile.
I don't plan on doing anything halfway
don't give a damn what anyone might say
I just wanna free fall for a while!"

And here's the chorus:

That rebel moon is shining
those stars burn like diamonds
hell-bent on chasing down that crazy slide
I'll follow you where you're leadin'
to the first sweet taste of freedom.
You've got me runnin', baby
wild at heart!

This is the bridge, and the part that makes me the most angry:

Oooh, oh,
Oooh right
The night is telling us we're way too young
Oooh oh,
That's all right
I've got forever on the tip of my tongue...

What in the world is that supposed to mean?! According to the views of the band, it's okay for these two young people, who are "way too young", to sleep together, simply because they're "wild at heart" and want to "free fall". The excuse they have for their actions is that, "I've got forever on the tip of my tongue". So, does that mean that they want to be together forever (and, these days, this doesn't necessarily mean marriage), or does it mean that they feel like actually entering into a "serious" dating relationship that will last for months maybe instead of just weeks, which in the juvenile mind is equal to "forever"? This sounds suspiciously like sensualism, the belief that gratification of the senses is the ultimate goal of life. My dictionary also adds, "the indulgence of the appetite".

Anyone else see anything wrong with what we're letting adolescents absorb into their moral fabrication? This is a very trendy song right now; I've heard the pre-teen girls who live in the apartment below me singing it, I've heard it almost every day on the country station, and it's so catchy that it gets stuck in my own head whenever I accidently catch the beginning of it on the radio. It's fascinating... it appalls me so much that whenever it starts up, I want to instantly change the station, but sometimes I let it play all the way through. I've listened to the words, and they never change: again and again I hear these enthusiastic singers belting out the attractions of loose behavior in the guise of "sweet freedom", and I don't know whether to fall into a fit of anger at our culture obsessed with degenerating children into pursuers of cheap, finite pleasure, or sink into depression because I don't know how to reach out to the vast young audiences (who are becoming addicted to this trash) in order to give them something better.

So what should I do to possibly counteract this postmodern sentiment of self-destructive autonomy? Could I hope to present an alternative to this lifestyle? This, to me, seems full of both an astonishing amount of hubris and a great deal of helplessness. Who am I to say that I am so much better than these hot country singers, or even any other person off the street, many of whom probably have some better qualities than I have (to name one already noticeable in this blog, how about keeping one's temper under control)? Who am I to say that I know a better way to live?

My own life is constantly full of mistakes. The apostle Paul's words about "doing what I do not want to do" and "not doing what I should do" might be the motto of my life. But there is one thing that I have which is worth more to me than any happiness or pleasure I could receive in this world: a relationship with God, and His saving grace. I'm definitely not perfect, I'm pretty far from it; through Christ, though, I am given mercy for my faults because Someone Else took the blame for them. This is a very abridged version of what I want to say on this subject, but it will have to wait for another time. Let it be declared in short that I wish to be an illustration of a morally upright young woman, despite my current flaws and past errors, which are many. Only by trusting in the grace of One outside myself can I hope to be an example to the children I care so much about.

Many meditative ideas spring from such a little flame... lyrics to a country song give thought to metaphysics.

One Gripe and Three Joys

2009-08-18T19:50:00.000-06:00

The end of the summer is in sight, with most kids starting school this week or next. Guess who WON'T be in classes? Me! Yes, I'm still doing flips about graduating. And, contrary to many people's feelings who are my age, I'm still happy with my job and my circumstances. For this I'm very thankful. Now: here are one gripe and three joys.

The Gripe:

I had my wisdom teeth out at the end of July. Just the top two, thankfully! The dentist didn't think it necessary to put me under, which I didn't exactly agree with, but it went well anyway; I trembled, tried to ignore the (very) loud sounds of what felt like the roots of my molars being pulled out near my eye sockets, and attempted to listen to the Philip Glass opera, Ahkenaten, on my iPod. My awesome friend, Alec, and his mom and sister, Sage, picked me up from the dentist office because Mozart-Man had to work. They stayed with me all day, bringing a delicious strawberry shake and watching movies.

Due to complications with other prescription pain killers when I've had other minor surgeries, I didn't want to try taking any this time. The first three days were very tough. Alternating Tylenol and Ibuprofen worked pretty well, but there was always half an hour to an hour of pretty awful pain as I had to wait just that much longer before I could take more medicine. Thank God for my fast-healing body! I was eating solid food six days later, and was able to go to Warped Tour with Alec six days later also.

Side note: Warped Tour was awesome! Alec and I went as a joint birthday present, since his was in June and mine was in August. It was a ton of fun, despite my still hurting from the lack of wisdom teeth, and him having a bruised-almost-sprained ankle from jumping off a balcony. We both managed to have a good time, though.

Anyway, I've mended pretty well. I would have mended even better if some idiot at the Warped Tour hadn't thought it was a good idea to jump off a railing near me in the vain attempt to crowd-surf, kicking me in the right side of the jaw. THAT hurt more than getting my teeth pulled out! Luckily I was already taking Tylenol. After the bleeding from the socket had stopped, I was okay the rest of the day. Ever since then, the right side has been more painful than the left, but both have healed nicely. My only complaint now, almost a month later, is that I'm still pulling food out of the holes after meals : )

Wow, that was a long gripe.

First Joy:

My family (mom, stepdad, and sister) were finally able to sell their house in Kansas City, which they've been trying to do for MONTHS now, and are buying a better house in the same area! They're very excited, and I'm very happy that they were able to work everything out. This transition will help them a lot, both in financial situation and locality, because the new house is closer to where my sister will be attending school.

Second Joy:

I am going to direct an ensemble in the guitar studio! I will at last be able to work with a troop of kids on difficult guitar music, something I've been wanting to do for years. The only thing I'm nervous about is my ability to control so many teen and pre-teens, especially since they're so excited to see each other every week that they treat ensemble night more like a social scene than a rehearsal, but I'll just have to learn to balance that. I don't mind if they're happy to see each other and chat before and afterwards, but I do mind if there's talking going on while I'm trying to instruct them. I'm sure I'll learn how to deal with it.

Third Joy:

I'm excited to attend my church's Sunday School starting in September. We'll be studying the book of Job; I've always liked this book, especially the ending chapters. What I'm even more excited about is attending the women's Bible study at church, which is finally at a time when I can go to it! In the women's study, we'll be going through the book of Psalms, which is one of my favorite books of the Bible. I'm thankful that I not only am able to study the Bible one day a week, but now I get to study twice!

(Late) About Guitar Camp

2009-08-18T19:49:00.000-06:00

Guitar camp was amazing. Like always, of course! During the course of the week, I felt...

- bittersweet. Becoming an adult is hard, especially when most of your friends are still not adults. I GREATLY enjoyed teaching, don't get me wrong, but I still wanted to hang out with the older students there, who are between the ages of fourteen and eighteen; they've been my friends for years, and I don't want to just quit hanging out with them just because I'm a teacher now! Especially since they're some of the most awesome people I know. But I did make an effort to socialize around the other "grown-ups" more. It was hard. But it worked out.

- LOVED! I never realize how often I get hugs at camp until I have to leave. I am hugged probably every half an hour, every day, all day, and most of the night until I go to bed. I adore hugs, and can never get enough of them! It's so cool to get hugs constantly from the wonderful kids and adults at camp, from seven year old Emily to *cough cough* year old Kevin, the most advanced teacher at camp. Lots of hugs. It's a motto : )

- useful. Like I said, I really enjoyed the teaching I was able to do. The ensemble I coached only had four kids in it, but they were great. I enjoyed working with them. We played a rather difficult piece for their level, the pop song called "Mad World" from the movie Donnie Darko. They really stepped up to the plate! Plus, I was able to offer some individual coaching sessions with some of the students at camp; whether the instruction I provided was helpful or not, I don't know, but I hope they didn't leave without feeling that they benefited from what I said!

- refreshed. I always come away from camp with a renewed desire to teach. Spending the week with some of the best teachers in the country is more wonderful than I can describe. I even am beginning to feel the renewed desire to practice, which hasn't happened since I gave my senior recital and graduated! I've been working on some Chet Atkins tunes, Take Five and Music to Watch Girls By. Lovely songs.

- happy. I am happy when I can spend time with people I admire, care for, and respect, both for their musical qualities and for their moral character. There are many such people at guitar camp, both young and old.

- deepened. What a joy to deepen my relationships with people who I usually get to see only once a year. I absolutely love spending time with Alec, who lives in St. Louis, and I'm able to see him every week, sometimes more when we hang out or go to concerts; the same goes for all the other students in the St. Louis ensemble who I get to see frequently. But I rarely get to see my friends from other parts of the country! I enjoyed meeting Katie, who reminds me so much of myself that it's scary (in a good way!), and who is set on her way to become a great leader and a fantastic guitarist. It was good to discuss college plans with Ryan, as he looks forward to one more year of highschool. Rachel was just as much a sweet girl as always; she is one of the most beautiful people I know, both inside and out. She'll go on to do great things, if she sets her mind to it! Tyler actually talked with me for the first time. Out of hundreds of young guitarists I've seen, he's one of the first that I would bet could go win the GFA in a few years if he keeps up the practicing and hard work. And Eliot... I wish he didn't live in Texas. I loved waking up in the morning and joining him on the bench by the pond, watching the early mist rising up into the sky and talking until it was time for breakfast. I wish we had more opportunities for that.

This isn't even touching on all the other amazing things that happened, like...

...listening to Eliot play the most gorgeous, haunting music at night on the dock, as I and several others lay on our backs and watched shooting stars...

...black-berry picking with the little girls (a seven year old and two nine year olds) in the woods surrounding the camp...

...swimming in the blazing summer sun with the crazy little boys doing back-flips off the diving board...

...waking up all the girls in my cabin every morning by patting their heads and whispering, "time to get up", with an emotion that must be a faint hint of what it would be like to be a mother...

...spending time with Brendan, the youngest member of camp at ten years old, helping him improve and stretch his guitar playing abilities...

...accidentally scaring a snake into the water when Chris, another teacher, was standing waist deep in the pond searching for a camper's lost glasses...

...many games of keep-away frisbee with kids in the huge fields...

...sitting around the bonfire at night with s'mores, Queen songs blaring from an iPod radio, and happy kids leaning sleepily on my shoulders...

There are so many. So many good things, so many blessings from God, so many children.

On Mozart-Man's Eyes

2009-07-16T13:07:00.002-06:00

In the amazing book, The Man Who Was Thursday, a form of poetry is mentioned called a "triolet". I'd never heard of this before, so I looked it up, and wrote a poem based on this form. It was a bit tricky, but fun. The first, fourth, and seventh lines are identical, as are the second and eighth. The rhyme scheme is ABaAabAB; I'm not sure if I'm correctly following it, but I certainly tried. I do like writing poetry occasionally in strict form. The constraints make one have to think, and I like having a guide for my creative processes every once in a while. Sorry for the boring name... I ran out of inventiveness.

Story IV

Blue eyes are beautiful, as are brown; however
your eyes reflect more deeply the colors of a storm at sea
in winter, which contains mud, kelp, swimming things, swirled wind of December.
Blue eyes are beautiful, as are brown; however
your slate-grey glance is veiled; the weather
of emotions are only let loose purposefully.
Blue eyes are beautiful, as are brown; however
your eyes reflect more deeply the colors of a storm at sea.

© Alyssa S. 2009

Written at Home, Posted at the Library

2009-07-15T12:52:00.004-06:00

Outside my window…
there are birds eating the seeds I put on the balcony for their breakfast.

I am thinking…
that I need to take a shower.

I am thankful for…
a boyfriend who is so understanding.

From the kitchen…
an amazing concoction of Chicken Not Pie emerged last night for dinner (it was simply Chicken Pot Pie without any crust or biscuits, just the vegetables and chicken and gravy).

I am wearing…
a brown skirt, black shirt, red glasses, claddagh ring, and lovely turquoise necklace which was a graduation present from my friend Peter.

I am creating…
a lesson plan outline for the class I'm going to teach at guitar camp next week.

I am going…
to miss Mozart-Man while he is in Ohio this week for a family reunion and his grandmother's funeral.

I am reading…
Pride and Prejudice, The Man Who Was Thursday, Common Sense and Other Writings by Thomas Paine, and The Brothers Karamazov.

I am praying…
for comfort for Mozart-Man's family, guidance in my (sometimes confusing) life, and patience for everyday tiny issues that sometimes make me want to lose my temper unnecessarily.

I am hearing…
the birds outside, the music playing on my computer, and the dishwasher.

Around the house…
Diane is putting music onto her computer.

One of my favorite things…
is waking up to the sound of rain.

A few plans for the rest of the week…
laundry with Joe on Thursday night; neither of us have a washer or dryer, and it's much more fun to obtain clean clothes in a public laundry facility when you have a friend with you. Teach make-up lessons for several guitar students on Saturday, and prepare for guitar camp later that afternoon with one of the other teachers, Chris (by "prepare" I mean talk about our students and play with his one year old Nathan, who is ADORABLE).

A picture to share...

From http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

43 Things (or 20)

2009-07-11T13:33:00.005-06:00

I have been saying for several years now that I have "life goals". They range from the insane to the mundane to the practical to the fantastical. Being me, I generally tend to forget what they are. However, I've enjoyed posting my goals on this website so that I can remember them and check them off as I go. Here are my current twenty goals and why I want to accomplish them:

1. Never, EVER grow up.

Self-explanatory. I don't want to be a boring person ever.

2. Juggle four items.

I've been juggling for about five years now, but have never been able to progress to four balls on my own. I can juggle four, five, and six balls with other people, though!

3. Publish a book of poetry.

If I ever have enough to fill a book (and that wouldn't be too personal... a lot of my poems are written about friends).

4. Play classical guitar on tour.

Who knows if this will ever happen; at this point, I'd be okay if it did or didn't.

5. Have lots of children.

"Lots" being between three and seven. Preferredly around five.

6. Travel to Vienna.

I want to do lots of traveling.

7. Meet all of the L. A. Guitar Quartet.

I've met three out of four so far!!!

8. Go to Ireland.

This would make Mozart-Man's dreams come true : )

9. Sing solo in a public place.

Just because I think it would be fun and slightly embarrassing.

10. Eat at a five-star restaurant.

Whenever I have enough money and find one I'd like to go to.

11. Have my own guitar teaching studio.

When I feel like I know enough to venture out on my own!

12. Visit the Redwoods.

I was there when I was a little girl and I've always wanted to go back.

13. Watch the entire series of Boy Meets World.

I've seen the first three seasons; they're adorable.

14. Have one of my students get in the top ensemble at our studio.

I have two students in the advanced young ensemble, so I'm sure that in a few years I'll have one or more in the top!

15. Play electric guitar on stage with a band.

Wouldn't this just be crazy-cool?

16. See my sister's art at a professional art show.

She's sixteen and is currently going to college as an animation major. I'm just biding my time now : )

17. Get married.

*crosses fingers and knocks on wood*

18. Read a book by Dostoyevsky.

Mozart-Man and I are reading through The Brothers Karamazov... very slowly!

19. Visit my friend Peter at his (future) ranch.

He wants to eventually own a cattle ranch in Montana with his sister, who is a vet for large animals. This goal is a long way down the road, because Peter is my age, but I'd like to encourage him in it.

20. Write more handwritten letters.

There is pretty much nothing greater than opening your mailbox and finding that someone took the time to write you a personal, scratched out by hand, caring letter.

Now for those who have read this post: What are some of YOUR goals?

After Graduation

2009-07-09T09:10:00.003-06:00

As my friend Joe said would happen, I've been having "twenty-one year old thoughts" lately.

I realize that since I've graduated, I've been doing a lot of questioning. Am I engaged in the right career as a music teacher? Should I be more active in volunteer work? Is Mozart-Man really the guy for me? Am I too unforgiving? Do I spend too much money? (Most of my paycheck is spent on groceries; I cook healthy, but not extravagant, food a lot.) Do I spend too little money? (Sometimes I think I'm a skinflint, never allowing any fun things to occur in my budget.) Am I a caring friend? Do I read the right books in my free time?

Now, questioning is all well and good. It's when the questions turn into doubts that I start running into trouble. Why am I such a terrible teacher? Why don't I give Mozart-Man as much grace as he gives me? Why do I have such a hard time communicating?

Then I accuse. You are a terrible person. You are a terrible friend. You are a hypocrite, calling yourself a follower of Christ, and not following anything He says.

I need to go back to the Word. Psalm 71 comforts with these words:

Be my rock of refuge,
to which I can always go;
give the command to save me,
for You are my rock and my fortress.

For You have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD,
my confidence since my youth.

From birth I have relied on You;
You brought me forth from my mother's womb.
I will ever praise You.

I have become like a portent to many,
but You are my strong refuge.

My mouth is filled with your praise,
declaring your splendor all day long.

While it's good to question what I'm doing with my life, to make sure that I'm truly doing what I want to be doing, if I focus too much on myself, then I become warped and self-centered. The world isn't all about me! I see that my main problem lately is that I HAVE been too Me-Focused.

Now, this is not to say that I am just trying to gloss over real personal troubles. If I had a real problem with something, or had serious doubts about whether I was doing something wrong, then I would definitely seek advice, think about it deeply, and change whatever needed to be changed. However, I've noticed a prideful,destructive trend to become too self-focused in my life, and I've found that the antidote to this is to begin doing what Psalm 71 says: praise God.

If I have an area of my life where I need change, He will show me, through the Word, prayer, and advice from others, what I need to do. But if it's just my own hubris causing self-implosion, then I need to change focus from myself to Him.

David

2009-06-11T09:18:00.002-06:00

I've been studying the life of David recently in the book of 2nd Samuel. I used to think that because I had read the Old Testament stories over and over (the book of Judges was one of my favorite things to read as a child) that I had gleaned all the wisdom I could get from them. FALSE! There's always something more to be learned, whether I find something new out for myself or I am taught something by another person.

My thoughts on David's struggles and hopes are many, so I think I'll put them here for further reflection.

As the story starts, David is the youngest of his family, so he will have the least amount of privileges, rights, and property than his seven older brothers. He also seems to have many abilities; he tends sheep, fights wild animals, plays the lyre, runs messages, and makes deliveries, so he is basically a jack-of-all-trades. This should be encouraging to anyone who doesn't feel they have one "specific" gift to use for God's glory.

The story of David and Goliath shows that David is willing to put his money where his mouth is! When Saul hears about David's vow to kill Goliath and sends for him, David proves that he is not speaking empty words. He truly believes that because this Philistine has "defied the armies of the Living God", then he (David) will be able to kill him, for two reasons: (a) David knows that God is righteously indignant towards the Philistines for assaulting His holy people and therefore David believes that God will give the victory to Israel despite the odds of Philistine's huge champion, and (b) David is confident in his fighting skills.

Both of these demonstrate David's advantages of youth. He has not yet lost the complete confidence of his young faith in God; as he matures, his faith develops and grows as he learns to trust God more and more, but for now he simply knows that God's presence is with Israel, and He will defend His people through the actions of those who have faith in Him. I wonder if David ever had doubts in his strength when he was tending sheep? If he was the youngest, there is a good chance that he was quite young and probably not very physically strong when he first began shepherding. He must have had several close calls with wild animals as he was defending the flock. Maybe as David was looking at Goliath and realizing that he was going to fight him, the years of fighting wild beasts became evident as God's training for this day.

David also didn't let his own youthfulness stand in the way of his fighting Goliath. His brother Eliab tried to accuse him of being a stupid kid just coming to see the battle, Saul tried to stop him from fighting something "too big" for him to handle, and Goliath mocked him for his youth and apparent inexperience in war (no armor, no sword). But David knew what was true. He was sure that he would defeat Goliath so that "all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, and that all this assembly may know that the Lord saves not with sword and spear." At this point, David was speaking directly to the Philistine, but I bet he was half-directing his words to the Israelites, too.

It will be interesting to see how these two themes, David's faith and his confidence in God's plan, develop throughout his life story.

I've Graduated

2009-06-04T09:30:00.015-06:00

My family came from Idaho and Kansas to witness the event. The ceremony was outside, which was a bit dangerous, since St. Louis weather does not always comply with outdoor activities. However, the sun shone brightly (but not too warmly) and there was only a light breeze, so everything was lovely! I had a great time, celebrated with Mozart-Man's family also, and enjoyed the weekend with my folks.

Here's my sister and I attempting to play an iPhone ocarina. You made it whistle by blowing into the speaker. Quite possibly one of the strangest things I've ever attempted.

The iPhone was Jim's, because he and Kelli flew from Idaho to come see my senior guitar recital!!! This was such an awesome event. I loved having them here. Kelli is one of my favorite people in all the world, my mentor, friend, teacher, second mother, and fellow musician. Jim is equally as wonderful, besides being an amazing photographer! The recital went very well; over a hundred people attended.

After crazy graduation weekend, my family and Mozart-Man went to Lake of the Ozarks for a few days vacation. We went canoeing and hiking, played board games, cooked delicious food, drank lots of tea, read books, watched a Harry Potter movie, saw a show in Branson with six brothers singing, and sang songs together.

Here, my stepdad Sean and Mozart-Man are pretending to shoot at my sister during the archery match we had. Nobody was injured, don't worry : )

Joe, a friend I mentioned who went to the rally with me several months ago, and Mozart-Man and I went on a road trip last week. We swung by Cincinnati to visit Mozart-Man's family, met up with friends Ryan and Amanda on the road, visited Joe's family in New Jersey, and visited several gorgeous nature areas.

It was sooo cold near the ocean... I couldn't bear to go in the water.

We all did lots of driving, but I think I did the least, due to my tendency to fall asleep after an hour and a half or two hours of being in a moving vehicle (whether I'm driving or not).

I loved all the water. Ocean, rivers, brooks, waterfalls, rapids, floods, puddles, trickles... you name it, we saw it, and most likely I squealed and pointed to it from the trail/car window/cliff/bridge. And then, if we weren't driving past it and had actually exited the car at this point, Chris and I would skip stones in it, Chris would throw large rocks in it to make satisfying "splOOSH" sounds, and Joe would look at it contemplatively.

We saw many trees. We stopped a lot to walk among them. The trees were my favorite part.

The whole trip was lovely, accident-free, and wonderfully random. We changed our destinations and routes so often that half the time I couldn't remember which state we were in.

Since then, I've been doing several things, most of which fall under the category of "catching up on":

1) Bills. I haven't opened a bank statement for at least a month. Bad me.

2) Emails. I think I'm almost finished.

3) Teaching music. Getting back into the swing of lessons for kids.

4) Cleaning. The apartment looks pretty good now, except for my room, which badly needs dusting/organizing/vacuuming.

5) Laundry. The never-ending cycle. At least all my blankets and sheets are clean now.

6) Cooking. I'm starting to frequent the farmer's market again; oh the joy of fresh vegetables!

7) Phone calls.

8) Adjusting to my new computer. Thank you mom and Sean for the awesome grad gift!!!

9) Being the mentor/counselor for an opera camp for teens. They are already amazing vocalists, and it's very cool to hear them sing!

10) Gardening. At least, as much as one can garden on a balcony the size of a twin-sized bed. It's mostly pots and pots of herbs, but there are two spider plants, some aloe, and Diane (roommate) is nursing a tiny rosebush back to life. I used a selection of the herbs in a mix on a roast chicken last weekend; it was incredible! There's nothing like fresh herbs in cooking.

It's definitely the beginning of summer.

In Honor Of

2009-03-28T15:04:00.002-06:00

This is for and about a dear friend. It has no title yet, but I just wrote it, and I want to put it in a place where I won't lose it (it's currently scribbled on the back of a bulletin from church).

The buildings are usually
what people remember
the best.
So many of them, dizzying
heights and windows
hung with window washers and pigeons.
But I remember how
their revolving doors swung
around and you would laugh
if you didn't jump out
fast enough.
Everyone remembers
the deep dish pizza
an iconic must
pepperoni-dotted
or just thick with cheese.
Your method is to devour
three slices quickly
and then one (or two) more
very slowly.
The crowded streets
Lake Michigan, the shops
or even the Institute of Art
are what people remember the most.
But my favorite memory
is of the filtered shine
the Chicago sun
across your freckles.

© Alyssa S. March 28th

About a Rally, or I'm Glad I'm Not Arrested

2009-01-11T14:15:00.004-06:00

For the past week, I was thinking quite a bit about the Israel-Palestine conflicts in Gaza. After extensive reading, discussion with people, and pondering, I decided to go to a rally yesterday in University City. The rally was, from what I understood, a non-violent, peaceful demonstration of those who didn't want violence in Gaza to continue. My two main grievances were the blockading of Gaza by Israel so that no aid or help could get through, and the support of U.S. taxpayers' money towards the violence. Mainly the first point.

So I went with a friend, Joe, to this rally. At first, it seemed to be okay. People were holding sides that said things like, "No justice, no peace", and "End this war". Then people started coming with signs and flags upholding the Palestinian government. This made me a little uncomfortable; I don't support one nation or the other's political factions, I think terrorist acts are being committed on both sides. Several Jewish people joined our crowd and were welcomed. A group of people who I know identify themselves as being Christian came. A group of atheists, several anarchists, hippies, college students of all nationalities, a holocaust survivor (she was a very old lady, Hitty was her name, and she was eighty-two!), and a few veterans arrived. But the vast majority of the rally were muslims. Now don't read into what I'm not saying... I have nothing against muslims. The reason why this bothered me was two reasons: 1) I didn't know this was going to be a religious rally, and 2) why did I NOT think that it was going to be a religious rally? There were still plenty of other people there who were not muslim, which made me feel a little better.

If anyone who reads this blog knows me personally, then you will probably know that I do not make decisions very quickly. It takes me a long time to come to a conclusion about anything. At this point in the rally, people were still gathering, and all these thoughts were trickling through my mind. A smart person would have said, "okay, this isn't what I thought it would be, I'm going to leave now", but of course (being slow-witted me) I didn't. Half of it was curiosity. I wanted to see what was going to happen with so many different factions rallying together. The other half was me both not wanting to admit that I was wrong about what the rally was going to be and also not willing to leave just because many of the people seemed to be rallying for reasons other than mine. Plus, Joe really wanted to see what was going to happen too.

Side note: it was about thirty degrees outside, colder with wind chill, and snowing. Miserable weather to be rallying in. Curiosity kills the Lyssa.

Let me also mention that there was a group of Jewish-American citizens protesting our protest across the street. They were very verbally abusive. At several points, I was afraid that some of the muslim people in our crowd were going to go across the street to fight them... thankfully this didn't happen. It made everything more tense, though.

Also, there were TONS of policemen. You would expect that for a protest of five hundred people who soon began marching through downtown University City; law enforcement is necessary for a group of that number, if for nothing else to prevent traffic accidents by staring drivers. But... the policemen were in riot gear. That was what frightened me a bit. Were they expecting a riot, or was it just in case?

The march lasted about an hour. Everyone chanted a lot. I found that I couldn't in conscience participate in most of the chanting, because they were phrases such as "Palestine will never die!" and muslim phrases in Arabic that I'm pretty sure were from the Koran praising Allah and calling for peace. The only phrase I could (in all fairness) repeat with the crowd was "What do we want? Justice! When do we want it? Now!" but after a while, I started thinking about that one too. Yes, I want justice... but I want peace more. Do I think that peace will only come when justice is served? No. I think peace will come when Christ works in mens' hearts and changes them from desiring things of this world (territory, political power) to desiring the things of Above, where rust and wicked plans will not destroy. Humans are sinful. This will not change. If I could have written a catch-phrase, I suppose I would have said "No Christ, no grace! No grace, no mercy! No mercy, no forgiveness! No forgiveness, no peace!" So I eventually stopped chanting along with the crowd.

Everything went relatively smoothly. I didn't realize until later how tense I was. My conscience was pricking me for possibly being seen as supporting a religion that I count as falsehood. I didn't want to be associated as being on the side of Palestine taking control again either. I don't know nearly enough about the political history in the Middle East to determine who I would support as having territorial rights. Terrorism and lies can and have been spread from both sides.

We were coming to the end of the march, back at the city hall where we had started from; at this point, I was very relieved that it was almost over. Aside from being uncomfortable with what the rally had turned into (as opposed to what I had thought it was going to be), I was FROZEN. It was still snowing.

Suddenly, people started pushing towards the street. The crowd became more agitated. I heard chanting of "let them go! let them go!" Then I saw two friends who had been leaders in the rally, R. and A., getting taken away by policemen. The other twenty or so policemen in riot gear were starting to surround the crowd. I stood there like an idiot.

Thank the Lord that Joe was there! At least one of us had some sense to move. He and I (him leading, me following numbly) slipped away from the crowd and the policemen, trying to follow our friends who were arrested. As it turned out, there was nothing that we were able to do until they would be released in several hours. Evidently they "failed to comply" when told to get out of the street and back onto the sidewalk. I think they were partly arrested because they were leaders of the protest and the police wanted to make an example of them, to stop any sort of impending uproar. Anyway, Joe and I left, seeing as we couldn't do anything yet and I had a rehearsal to attend. The crowd was too volatile for my feelings of safety at this point.

To wrap up my story, I am glad that I went. Here are two points that I decided, after discussing what happened with friends and family:

- I cannot support the muslim religion. It goes against the God that I worship.

- I cannot support Palestine taking over Israel. While I do not support acts of terrorism by Israel, they are still God's chosen people, according to the Bible (which I believe over the word of world leaders), and the Bible has stated that Palestine (descendants of Ishmael) and Israel (descendants of Isaac) will always be at war.

Listening to people in the crowd talking with one another, it was clear to me that there was just as much hate directed at Israel as Israel was directing at Palestine. Muslim women, muslim men, atheists, even some Christian people I knew: nobody spoke a word of forgiveness or mercy. Yes, peace was desired... but justice, and more specifically, retribution, was desired more.

Even the children were sober in the march. Yes, there were children, even in freezing weather and snow and policemen and religious tension, the children were still there, many of them wearing the religious symbols their parents wrapped them in. Flags, prayer shawls, prayer scarves, even face paint in Palestine colors. It made me so sad to see all these children, many crying because they were cold or frightened from the loud chanting, caught up in such political and religious turmoil. All I could think of when I saw their beautiful dark eyes was Jesus's words saying, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them..."

Lewis, the C. S.

2009-01-09T12:46:00.004-06:00

I've been reading several very interesting books lately. Winter break is definitely the time for reading. In my side profile you can see which books they are, so I won't bore you with descriptions. My favorite author of this break has proven to be C.S. Lewis. Mozart-Man bought me "The Weight of Glory" at an awesome bookstore in Laurence, KS, for three dollars; it's a collection of addresses Lewis gave to public audiences.

The vocabulary, images and metaphors, and straightforward manner which C.S. Lewis uses in his style of writing just blows me away. I've been perplexing my friends lately by trying to talk about philosophy and asking them such questions as "do you see any evidences of God?" and "how do YOU tell the difference between what's right and wrong?". Whenever someone asks me a question lately, I tend to overanalyze it. Such as when a friend goofily says, "do you looooove me?" I instantly become very serious and break the lighthearted mood by saying, "well, it depends on what you mean by 'love', and what type of love you are seeking." I'm such a bore... can't even take a silly joke anymore without trying to get into metaphysics.

Here is one of the most powerful Lewis quotes I've read so far:

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

This is convicting. I am extremely easily pleased. I tend to take the good things of this life and pretend like they are what makes life worth living for. But (again, as Lewis said) if I keep looking for more and more good things, or trying to better myself more and more, or attempting to attain a higher position of power or join the "inner ring" (another of his lectures focuses on the concept of the Inner Ring), then it's like peeling back an onion layer by layer... once you finally get down to the middle, there's nothing left but emptiness. However, if you start with the image Lewis lays out in "The Last Battle", which is the final book in his Chronicles of Narnia series, then true life should be portrayed as starting from the middle... with Christ (Aslan in the book) at the center... because then exploring life would be peeling the onion from the inside out, going into larger and larger rings of goodness and love only made possible because of the immensity of God's being wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and ultimate source of truth.

Children and Their Education

2008-09-02T19:58:00.003-06:00

This is just to say that I love teaching. Here are some of the reasons I love teaching:

- Ryan, six, playing Hot Cross Buns for the first time with all the correct fingers and rhythm, after three months of sweat (his, in his lesson) and tears (mine, in private). What a trooper!

- Callie, eight, playing through the entire High Steppin' piece after only one week (it usually takes kids at least three weeks to complete!)

- Torin, eight, probably hating me for making him play Waltz in C thirty-two times in a week so that he could play it for his test... and coming to his lesson to NAIL the Waltz! All that hard work paid off!

- Matthew, eight, playing an entire song up one fret on the guitar, just to make me laugh.

- Shannon, nine, realizing that she had played Rebel Soldier beautifully... what a huge smile.

- Denise, twelve, finally understanding that she could play with the middle ensemble. It had seemed like such a far-off vision... now she's weeks away from learning the rest of her parts for the ensemble and joining them! As she gets older, she is able to set higher goals; this is so encouraging to see.

- Alec, fifteen, growing in musicianship, technique, and poise. What started out years ago as a shy boy who played the guitar too quietly is rapidly turning into a sensitive, artistic young man who performs music and just happens to play the guitar. He still makes mistakes, and does immature things... but I'm very honored that I'm able to assist in his training, even in such a small way as leading a quartet he is in.

All these kids, and the rest of my thirty students, make teaching a joy. Sure there are bad days. Students come unprepared, they don't pay attention during lessons, the twins spend more time hitting each other with their guitars than playing them, and some would rather play sports than sit quietly with an instrument! But all the hours in a week that I teach, the hours I spend at rehearsals with the kids, the time spent preparing for lessons... it's all worth it. I could very easily do this for the rest of my life. With breaks, of course : )

You know, I think it's the smiles. I teach to watch children smile.

Labor Day Getaway

2008-08-30T21:42:00.002-06:00

Currently, I'm in Cincinnati, visiting with Mozart-Man's family for Labor Day weekend. It's been very relaxing. Funny...after only one week back at school, I already savor an extended weekend holiday. You can tell how thrilled I am to be back into the grind!

No, I really am not that reluctant for school to be back in session. My classes this year are pretty fun, especially since I'm taking a lot of electives. I think my motto for this year in selecting classes was "Branch Out and Try New Things"! Besides several music classes (including one in which I study exclusively 16th century counterpoint...eeek!) I'm also taking courses on Japanese culture, child psychology, and jazz dance. Pretty far out there! So far, I'd say that I'm going to really enjoy these topics. The dance class has made me the most uncomfortable so far, due to the fact that I had to WEAR A LEOTARD. Ack! Me in a dance outfit? A dignified musician, accustomed to attiring myself in formal performance clothes?! But yes...I must, and did. As long as I stand at the back of the class where no one can (hopefully) see me, I won't feel too awkward in my ungraceful movements and long legs now bare to view. Anyways, who said anything about musicians actually being dignified...

Letterboxing is going well. I have a boxing buddy visiting me currently, called Sugar, an adorable puppy! My sister has been carving me some stamps lately, so I'm going to be planting more and more letterboxes, mostly Fleas, I hope, since those are my favorite. I'd love to get a boxing buddy started, too.

Just came back from the Association of Volleyball Professionals (AVP) game in Mason, Ohio. It was so cool to watch the Olympic beach volleyball gold-medal champions! My favorites are Misty May-Treanor and Phil Dalhausser. After a night of screaming for the athletes, sweating in the stands, and eating too many fried oreos (those things are incredible), I am now going to fall into bed.

What Do We Really Want?

2008-08-10T14:37:00.002-06:00

There was such a good article in today's church bulletin that I had to post an excerpt from it here. It's from "Heaven: The Heart's Deepest Longing", by Peter Kreeft (1980). I've been thinking about it all day, and I hope it will provoke as much thought in those who are tolerant enough to read my blog : )

"There is a very old wisdom, quite out of fashion today, that says we are not supposed to be happy here. In fact, no one is really happy here, and the "pursuit of happiness", which the American Declaration of Independence declares one of our "inalienable rights", is in fact the silliest and surest way to unhappiness. This is a wisdom...not just from the past but also from within, from the soft spot in us that we cover up with our hard surface, from the vulnerable little child in us that we mask with our invulnerable adult. Our adult pretends to want pleasure, power, wealth, health, or success, then gets it, then pretends to be happy. But our child knows what we want- nothing less than infinite joy- and, as children, we know we don't have it.

No one is really happy. The phenomenon is universal, not peculiar to some temperaments, for it is not a matter of temperament or feelings, which always undulate like waves. (We are all somewhat manic-depressive.) Beneath this surface, beneath the waves of satisfaction alternating with dissatisfaction of surface desires, the deep hunger of the heart remains unsatisfied. ...It is precisely when life treats us best that the deepest dissatisfaction arises. As long as we lack worldly happiness, we can deceive ourselves with the "if only" syndrome: if only I had this or that, I would be happy. But once we have all our thises and thats and are still unhappy, the deception is exposed. That's why rich and powerful modernity is not happier than previous cultures. That's the answer to Freud's question: "Why aren't we happy?"

Our greatest bitterness comes not only in the sham sweetness of riches and power but also in the middle of our truest earthly sweetness: hearing a symphony, seeing a sunset, complete sexual love. It is highest life that sets us longing for something more than this life..."

Also, there was an awesome quote in church today, by Confucius. "There are three ways to wisdom. The first is by reflection, and that is the hardest. The second is by imitation, and that is the easiest. The third is by experience, and that is the bitterest." Then my pastor added, "but I would also add that wisdom gained by experience is by far the most precious".

Birthday!

2008-08-10T07:03:00.004-06:00

I forgot to tell everyone in my last blog...I turned twenty-one!

My birthday was August 1st, but it occurred during the last day of guitar camp, so I kind of forgot to mention it. I woke up very early in the morning (5:30 a.m. to be exact) before anybody else was awake. I wrapped myself up in my blanket and walked barefoot down to the lake and sat watching the mist rising. It was such a peaceful way to start the day. Pretty soon, my good friend Eliot came down to the lake and we talked for a while until breakfast. I always wake up early on my birthday, I guess because I want to see if I feel any older. And you know what? Call me silly, but I did feel older. It was weird. Or maybe I just felt tired...I don't know.

Everyone at guitar camp was so sweet to me. I got so many random little presents from the kids, like half-eaten bags of candy, autographs, a home-made bracelet, and even a bottle of water (regards from Jack: "I wanted to get you SOMETHING!"). Kevin, one of the other teachers there, gave me a shirt that displays sixteen handguns and says "CELEBRATE DIVERSITY", and bought a really nice bottle of wine so that I could have my first drink. Getting plastered is not my idea of a good birthday, so I had maybe a third of a glass of wine before bedtime, then went to sleep.

My mom, stepdad, and Emily (sister) drove in from Kansas City to celebrate. Emily's birthday is the day before mine, and she turned sixteen. They were so nice to me! They brought a cake (which the camp adored them for), apple pie, and their smiling faces. It was so good to have them there. Emily drew me an incredible picture of a baby dragon, which I want to get framed, and made me a beautiful pair of earrings. My mom and stepdad got me a messenger bag, my favorite kind of chocolate, a cool salad container, an even more cool water bottle, a subscription to Triple A, and other awesome things. Then, the next day, my mom and stepdad took me to some wineries, since we were in an area that had quite a few. I went on two wine tours and did some wine tasting, then I fell asleep in the back of the car right after lunch. I was SO exhausted from camp! That cut my wine excursion short, unfortunately. But I enjoyed it a lot. My stepdad bought a bottle of cherry wine and a bottle of sparkling grape juice that we had on Sunday; mixed together, they make an amazing cooler. Cherry wine is delicious.

Mozart-Man was able to come out to camp for that Friday afternoon and evening. He brought me a Mike's Hard Lemonade (I've always wanted to have one, from the little tastes I've had before, they seemed great!) and a copy of one of my favorite movies, My Neighbor Totoro. It meant a lot to have him there. He even stayed for the night concert, even though he had to drive an hour and a half back to St. Louis afterwards and leave really early in the morning with his family for vacation!

When I got home on Saturday afternoon, I found that he had left me a lovely, handwritten letter on my bed (I gave him my keys that week so he could take care of my cats). It was one of six letters that he had hidden around my apartment for me to find by aid of clues. They were all so sweet! He is such a thoughtful boyfriend.

So, my birthday was great. My family was there, everyone at camp was so nice, and I don't see how it could have been any better. I feel older, even though I don't always act it yet, and I think that this year is going to be full of changes and surprises. May the Lord keep my feet following Him, my hands doing His work, my eyes firmly on the Cross, and my Heart tightly in His grasp.

Friendship

2008-08-09T14:41:00.002-06:00

Mozart-Man is away on vacation with his family. They have been gone over a week, and I won't get to see him for two more days. It amazes me how lonely I get when he's not around. I can still function just fine, and it's not like I get depressed, but he's such a strong figure in my life that when he's not here it just doesn't feel right. He's having a good time, though, and I'm TRYING not to be jealous that he got to see Yellowstone. We love hiking and visiting national parks together. One of our dreams is someday visiting the redwoods.

Guitar camp was incredible. I was able to co-teach a chord class that had almost twenty kids in it, give individual coaching, and judge the camp competition. There was so much guitar playing! I love building relationships with everyone there, from my friend and mentor Kevin, the director of the program I teach for, to little Rachel, who is thirteen and lives in Texas. Some of the relationships continue after camp, which is nice. Last night I went to the city museum with one of my friends from camp, Alec, and his younger sister, Sage, and their mom. The kids are fifteen and ten, I believe. I love hanging out with them! Sage is such a sweetheart; we chat about music, dancing, games, and girly stuff. Alec and I talk some, but we mostly like to do active things, like run around playgrounds, play guitars, go on hikes, and listen to music. Despite our age differences, Alec, Sage, and I get along just fine. That, I believe, is one of the joys of being homeschooled: you're never around your own age group peers exclusively, you make friends with all ages! Alec is probably my youngest friend that I hang out with; the oldest is my friend Joe, who is thirty or so, I believe. Pretty big range there.

Speaking of friendship, this summer has been a time of narrowing down my friends. That may sound strange and arrogant, even selfish, but let me explain. So much time is spent in the company of others, and every person you let yourself be around will have some sort of influence on you, whether big or small. Why should you spend time with those who won't build you up or who you don't really enjoy being with? There are some people who need help, or advice, or a listening ear, and it's always good to spend time with those people, so I'm NOT saying to never help anyone. But the people who we go to for good company...who are they?

There have definitely been some people in my life that I am just now seeing how much of a negative impact they had. Some of them didn't mean to, they just are different from me, but others seem to have deliberately broken what the foundation of a friendship is for. In the dictionary, it says this about the word "friend":

Word History: A friend is a lover, literally. The relationship between Latin amīcus "friend" and amō "I love" is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos "friend" and phileō "I love." In English, though, we have to go back a millennium before we see the verb related to friend. At that time, frēond, the Old English word for "friend," was simply the present participle of the verb frēon, "to love." The Germanic root behind this verb is *frī-, which meant "to like, love, be friendly to." Closely linked to these concepts is that of "peace," and in fact Germanic made a noun from this root, *frithu-, meaning exactly that. Ultimately descended from this noun are the personal names Frederick, "peaceful ruler," and Siegfried, "victory peace."

Peace and love. How many friends give those two things? Along with those traits, I would add others to the list: how about honesty? Somewhere in the Bible it says that wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy. How about loyalty? Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." How many of my friends would stick to me if I was in trouble? I've definitely seen several that don't.

One of the most important aspects of a good friendship, I think, can't be summed up in one word. It is shown clearly in Proverbs 27:17, though: "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." I want the people I call my close friends to sharpen me...to discuss topics that will make my mind grow, to enjoy the same activities together, to be refreshed by sharing a meal with one another, to listen to music together and receive constructive feedback on my own musical progression. Why hang out with people who only want to gossip, who talk down to me, who just want to get trashed, who break the law, who wouldn't "sharpen" me?

The people I've been hanging out most with this summer are Mozart-Man (of course), Elisabeth (friend from school), Diane (my roommate), Heather (a mentor and friend), and Dey (my duo partner). All of these people are mentally stimulating to me, and I have shared interests with all of them. We talk about music mostly, but also books, philosophy, politics, world news, religion, science, guitar, and other extremely interesting topics. We do fun activities together. This morning, I went on a hike with Elisabeth and Joe, and this evening Elisabeth and I are making lemon sorbet and chicken picatta (yum!). Elisabeth and I love cooking together. Tomorrow, I'm meeting my lovely friend Heather for coffee; these coffee-meetings have been happening almost every week for two years with Heather, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

I don't and can't limit myself to spending time with only these people. I hang out with other friends, make new acquaintances, and still like being silly with all the random music students that hang out in the student lounge during the school year. But I want the people who I spend the most time with to be the those who will mutually benefit from a good relationship.

Living, not Writing

2008-07-23T12:40:00.004-06:00

What with working seven hours a day at my office job, teaching guitar lessons three nights a week, and performing at the Sheldon, the Chet Atkins Festival in Nashville, and a fund-raising concert for my friend Heather, I have been far too occupied with living life to even think about writing it down into poetry.

This is disappointing. I've always been extremely busy during the school year, that has been a given, and I've had very little time to write for those eight months out of the year. But summer has been my three months of creative output...the golden evenings and dew-filled mornings of inspired pen to paper. Now it's almost August, less than five weeks until school starts again, and I haven't written a single poem. It makes me hurt inside. There are all these lovely little poem-babies bubbling in my head waiting to be born, but I've had to keep smothering them back down with phrases like, "not now, I have to practice guitar" or "I'm too hungry to write, I need to cook dinner" or "I'm too tired to think straight after work". Even weekends haven't been fruitful for my compositional desires.

After all that complaining, I must say that I really have been having a great summer. Mozart-Man being in St. Louis has been wonderful, I've been practicing guitar like mad, making plenty of money working music camps and my other jobs, and been able to see my family so much. There really should be nothing to grumble about. Yet there is still that tiny voice in my head whispering, "your poems, your poems..."

My duet partner, let's call him Dey, has been incredible. We played our first concert that was just us last weekend, a benefit concert for a dear friend of mine. Even though I had a stomach bug, the music turned out great. We had about half an hour of duets supplemented with fingerstyle solos. I was so glad to be on the stage with him. He has been one of my heroes since I was fifteen and saw his picture in a guitar book! He has an amazing ear for music and can hear any piece of music and write it down. After playing with him for eight months now, we've grown in our musical abilities (or, at least I have) and he's pushed me very hard to improve my technical skills. He's become more than a duet partner; he is more like a long-lost brother now, the one that I always wanted and never had. He is one of my greatest friends: I can count on him to tell me the truth about anything, even if it will hurt. The hero-worship has diminished...in its place is deep admiration and friendship. I'm so blessed to have him as a duet partner!

On a more superficial note, my family and Mozart-Man have been getting into a hobby called Letterboxing. If you haven't heard about it, immediately go to Letterboxing.org, and then to Atlasquest.com to join the Letterboxing community around the world. I found it in a Frugal Living newsletter, because it is a very inexpensive, family-oriented type of activity. An easy description of it is "treasure-hunting with stamps". For a very artistic family like mine, who can draw, create, carve, and mount stamps as easy as 1-2-3 (I'm not including me in this category, I speak only of my mom and sister), this is a great creative outlet. Plus, you can find letterboxes all over the U.S.! Mozart-Man and I even took an hour yesterday to take a relaxing walk in a nearby park and dig up a letterbox to add to our log-books.

I've been researching a style of childrens' education called the Reggio-Emilia Approach. I'm curious to figure out if it comes from a humanistic standpoint. Right now I'm on the rabbit trail of educational constructivism, and about to delve into the theories of Piaget, who I know very little about.

Next week is guitar camp, where I'll be teaching a class on chord chemistry, handling the youngest ensemble of guitarists, and adjudicating the camp competition. In all my other time, I'll be one of the camp counselors and a cabin parent to a roomful of guitar girls. I always look forward to this week as one of the most inspiring times of the entire year, both from a teacher's view and from a musician's view. All the kids, ages ten to eighteen are so excited and encouraged to play the guitar by the end of the week, it's awesome!

Mozart-Man is back from his week of performing in the musicial "Guys and Dolls" back in his hometown of Cincinnati. He is such a sweet man. I forget how much he helps me remember things and do little things like cook, do bills, not freak out when I overdraw on my bank account, take a nap when I need to recover from the stomach flu, and many other things that I take for granted when he is here.

Luther

2008-06-26T08:20:00.005-06:00

I read this on somone else's blog this morning, and it's something from a book that's available, so I feel okay with posting it on my blog for others to see. I'd like to find the book it's from; I forsee a library trip later today.

"...When the soul firmly trusts God's promises, it regards Him as truthful and righteous. The very highest worship of God is this that we should ascribe to him truthfulness, righteous, and whatever else should be ascribed to one who is trusted. When this is done, the soul consents to his will...Is not such a soul most obedient to God in all things by this faith? What more complete fulfillment is there than obedience in all things? This obedience, however is not rendered by works, but by faith alone. On the other hand, what greater rebellion against God, what greater wickedness, what greater contempt of God is there than not believing his promise? For what is this but to make God a liar or to doubt that he is truthful?--that is, to ascribe truthfulness to one's self but lying and vanity to God? Does not a man who does this deny God and set himself up as an idol in his heart? Then of what good works are works done in wickedness, even if they are works of angels and apostles?"

~ Martin Luther, Selections, 59

On a lighter note, I had a hard-boiled egg with salt for breakfast. It was quite tasty.

Ah, poetry

2008-06-25T10:33:00.003-06:00

On Sunday, I went with my great friend Heather and Mozart-Man out to lunch at Qdoba, which was very tasty (their tortilla soup is a tad bit spicy, I like it), then we went to one of the most dangerous places on earth: Barnes and Noble. DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!! *agonized screams*

It seriously is dangerous to go there. The cooking section whispers of foreign pastas, sugary delicacies, and wonderful bright-colored pictures of foods that I would drool at. Novels wink invitingly from every nook and cranny. Let's not even START talking about the Bargain Book section! The history books and biographies and how-to's and gardening and education books all call out to be harvested of their knowledge. I know that the world must be blessed when I walk into the store and instantly see classic books like "Jane Eyre" and "Huckleberry Finn" and "Tales of O. Henry" on sale, buy two get the third free. But the most dangerous section of Barnes and Noble is... the poetry aisle.

Now, with all my love for science fiction, philosophy, fantasy, and essays, I have a huge soft spot for poetry. I've been writing my own poetry since I was about eleven; very bad poetry, but hey, everyone has to have their first attempts! At fourteen I fell in love with Shakespeare, and a year later discovered his Sonnets. There was no turning back, and since then, I've taken a poetry class in college, been published in the college magazine, and always tried to have a book of poetry on hand for rainy or sunny days.

"Leaves of Grass" by Walt Whitman was a favorite for years, along with Emily Dickinson. Shel Silverstein always shocked me with his bold, brash writing. When I felt daring, I would pick up an anthology of modern poetry from the library and peruse for new favorites. One of the most ancient sources of poetic language I enjoy is a book called "The Gift" by a man named Hafiz, written hundreds of years ago around 1310 a.d.

I would say that at the top of my list, though, is poet Billy Collins. His words flow with uncanny smoothness. Reading one of his poems is akin to drinking a glassful of creamy chocolate milk, all in one go, slowly tipping the glass up to catch the last mouthful and the puddle of undissolved chocolate mix that collects on the bottom of the cup. Here is one of Collin's poems that I enjoy.

INTRODUCTION TO POETRY

I ask them to take a poem
and hold it up to the light
like a color slide

or press an ear against its hive

I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,

or walk inside the poem's room
and feel the walls for a light switch.

I want them to waterski
across the surface of a poem
waving at the author's name on the shore.

But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.

They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means.

- Billy Collins, copyright 1988, 1996

At Barnes and Noble that Sunday, I escaped with my life...and a book of collected Billy Collins poems. Hee hee!

You Anoint My Head With Oil, My Cup Overflows

2008-06-14T09:27:00.005-06:00

Blessings Of the Week

Moving into a beautiful apartment- Thank you, Lord, for the dishwasher, the ant-free kitchen, the clean carpet, the tiny balcony where I can continue to grow my tomatoes and herbs, the friends who helped us move, the absence of thunderstorms and rain for exactly three and a half days it took us to move, the long staircase that will give me a work-out every day, the swimming pool in the complex, the cheap laundromat one building away, and the nest of baby birds outside the window.

Fellow musicians- Thank you, Lord, for the joy of playing music with friends, outdoors in your creation. For the relaxing hours lying in the grass with guitars, singing, deep discussions about You and why You can be an anchor in a free-floating culture, and the fellowship of believers, thank you.

Musical opportunity- Thank you, Lord, for providing me with a great duet partner, who pushes me to do my best, never accepting mediocre. Thank you also, Lord, for the sudden surprise of Mozart-Man getting into the St. Louis Symphony Chorus. What an honor, at twenty-one, to sing with such a great group of musicians!

Close calls- Thank you, Lord, for all the times you protected me this week from potentially dangerous or stupid situations. The time when I was out riding my bike back from the bike shop and a huge storm came up with the tornado sirens going off. The time when the door almost hit me in the face, and if it had, I would have been knocked out cold, alone in the apartment. The time when I almost slipped and fell in the old house while standing on a chair removing nails. The time when I almost crashed my car because I was so tired and not paying attention to the young family in the car driving in my blind spot. The time yesterday when I forgetfully left a candle burning in the kitchen, then went and ran errands, and You didn't let the apartment catch on fire.

Communication- Thank you, Lord, for the myriad of ways to communicate in this day and age. Writing letters to my sister, sending cards for holidays, emailing old friends, calling my mom on the phone...there are so many avenues. Thank you especially for yesterday, when I was able to talk to someone who I hadn't been able to talk to for a whole year, whose very presence used to annoy me, and thank you for the change of heart that showed me how stupid I was and Your grace that led me to speak with that person and actually enjoy it.

Of Green Things and Eating Them

2008-05-29T09:18:00.005-06:00

A week away from moving, I haven't even started packing yet. I realized that I have so little possessions that it will maybe take a day to pack them all, especially since at least a fourth of my stuff is still in boxes and shoved in two closets. The main sources of annoyance will be all my little nicknacks, the kitchen things, and books. I don't even have that many books, either. Several kind people have already offered their assistance to help move the furniture. Looks like God is still working everything out in His own time instead of mine. This is something I'm still very grateful for : )

A silly realization came to me the other day. I eat quite a lot of the same food all the time. Here is a top six list of foods that you can almost guarantee will be eaten within two weeks time:

1. Pasta- All shapes/flavors of noodles, sometimes home-made sauce, more often than not store-bought, but always trying a new flavor. For lunches, either leftovers or Annie's Mac and Cheese, which I adore.

2. Potatos- Baked, boiled, mashed, fried, we do it all. One of Mozart-Man's favorites is when we bake up to ten smaller sized potatoes in the oven, eat four of them with sour cream, onions, butter, salt, and pepper for dinner, then the next day grate the other six with a cheese grater and lightly fry them in vegetable oil to make hashbrowns. Paired with an omelette, this makes a great brunch, and is our favorite Sunday meal.

3. Soup- More often than not, I throw in a pot everything that I have, such as leftover veggies (canned or fresh, depending on the season), leftover pasta, leftover rice, etc. Add a little broth, a bunch of spices, and maybe a little roux and/or milk if I want it to be creamy, and a (usually) tasty soup turns out. I try to make a lot of soup so that there will be leftovers. I rarely put meat in it, simply because I eat very little of it. The only meat I've bought in the past year has been ground beef or ham for sandwiches, and the ground beef usually goes towards a lasagna or something of that sort.

4. Beans- These tend to be pinto, since that's what my family ate most often. A large pot of beans will equal several meals, such as burritos, bean dip with lots of toppings (tomatoes, onions, chives, sour cream, cheese, lettuce, cilantro), bean soup, and tostadas. These meals are frequently paired with homemade salsa and sometimes Spanish rice. Occasionally I will have black or red beans.

5. Stir fry- Once again, this is a big toss-everything-you've-got-into-a-pot recipe. The base is always steamed rice, unless I toss ramen noodles and a little broth into the stir fry itself. The ingredients vary from bean sprouts, regular onions, green onions, corn, green beans, peas, mushrooms, cabbage, and eggs. Soy sauce, teriyaki sauce, and garlic are my personal choice of flavorings.

6. Eggs- Besides ending up as a protein in stir fry, eggs have a versatile part in my diet. My two favorite ways to eat them are in egg salad, which is quick and easy to throw together if you keep hard-boiled eggs in the fridge, and Eggs-in-a-Blanket. To make this, you butter one side of a piece of bread and cut a hole out of its middle. In a heated frying pan on medium, melt a dab of butter and lay the bread on it, the unbuttered side down. Immediately crack an egg into the middle of the bread. You can leave the egg whole for sunny side up, or scramble it. Add salt and pepper. When the butter on the top of the bread is melted and the underside looks toasted brown, flip the bread and egg over; this is the tricky part, trying to not let the egg fly everywhere. Cook on the other side about twenty or thirty seconds, enough to seal the egg in, then serve. Oh, I almost forgot: you also cook the cut-out middle of the bread alongside the rest of it, so as not to waste. It's very tasty! Of course, scrambled eggs and toast would work just as well.

7. Sandwiches- These are only as a last resort. Ham occasionally, mainly peanut butter and jelly, and in summertime, veggies like avocados, tomatoes, lettuce, mild onions, sprouts, and hummus or another vegetable spread.

Besides these main staples for meals, I eat in-season fruit (I tend to buy apples more year-round, though), granola, Cliff bars (sooo addicting!), and other things. Vegetables are almost always in every dish I make. Unfortunately, during the school year I eat out more often, due to lack of time to make any other food besides the seventh on my list, so when summer rolled around I was very glad to start cooking again.

On Friday, I'm going with some friends to the farmer's market. I'm excited!

Mozart-Man and I planted catnip and chives yesterday in pots. We had wanted to have a small garden this year behind my house, but since I'm moving that wasn't an option anymore. We'll settle for some pots : ) I'm hoping to get a tomato plant and some herbs at the farmer's market. I also re-potted a spider plant (his name is Fred, and he's quite personable) into a larger container, and did the same thing for my aloe plants. The three original plants spawned at least that many offspring, so they needed a larger home, too. It feels good to help things grow. Watching Mozart-Man, it seems like he would have a green thumb if the opportunity presented itself to him. Hopefully we can grow more green things in the future.

My Shepherd Is Always Near

2008-05-23T17:39:00.004-06:00

There has been a lot of change happening in the past week. The main thing that has been causing me to think hard and long about life was that my landowner wanted to talk to Diane (roommate) and I. I assumed that he was going to ask us if we wanted to renew our lease. Imagine my surprise when he instead told us that we COULDN'T renew the lease, because they were going to do major renovations on the house!

Diane and I eventually decided (after a day or so) that we wanted to find an apartment. So we hunted around and found a nice little place a couple miles away from school. They will allow me to keep my cats! I'm so grateful; we are going to start moving sometime next week, because this weekend I am in Kansas City with my family (we're having a very good time...I re-learned how to bake bread from scratch!).

Being forced to move out of my house has been a huge blessing in more ways than one. I won't get into all the details, but let's just say that I have made some pretty stupid decisions lately, and God getting me out of the house was His way of saying, "You may think that you're in control of your life, but you really aren't...I Am. And no matter what silly things you do, I will still love you and care for you, and heap more blessings on you than you ever deserve or imagine." These past two weeks have been very humbling as I learn hard lessons about not letting the world influence my mind for the Enemy. Temptation is not nearly as far off as I had thought. To quote one of my best friends who helped me through this, "The Devil will find any crack in your faith and slowly widen it inch by inch".

David's words in the Psalms have been so encouraging. He certainly screwed up a lot, just like me, yet he never doubted that God would always see him through. Repentance and forgiveness are a huge part of his prayer. So is joy, as he saw the Lord constantly bring him out of despair and trials back into His arms.

I must look pretty idiotic to the angels who watch me, running around all the time like the silly little sheep that I am, blatting nonsense and running towards dangerous cliffs, ignoring the obvious "DANGER DANGER!" signs posted everywhere. I praise my Father in heaven who guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake, my Shepherd, who never lets me go.

Alyssa is Not Dead!

2008-05-13T11:17:00.009-06:00

Here are me and Mozart Man at the Symphony, celebrating the end of our junior year in college. The guitar has been taking up ALL my time. Plus school, teaching THIRTY guitar students, working in the music office, giving a junior recital, teaching a weekend ensemble, and just living. Living takes too much time.

I had long hair at the beginning of finals week. Tired, but still trying to smile.

At the end of finals week, I cut all my hair off with my good friend Ryan, to donate to Locks of Love.

Below is what Ryan looked like before he got his haircut. Big change!

I will hopefully start writing again, now that summer is here and I might have a little more time. Keep checking back for more updates!

The Exciting News!

2007-09-20T20:08:00.001-06:00

Me and my roommate Liz got kittens!!!!

That's right, I am now the proud companion of an adorable brown tabby who is four months old; Liz's kitten is the same age, but her's is an orange tabby named Theodore Reginald (Theo for short). Mine is named Mikado Bar-Judah, Mika for short. They are absolutely awesome. It's so relaxing to come home and play with them. So that's my exciting news : ) We've had them for little less than a week, and we can already see how distinct (and opposite) their personalities are. Theo loves to eat, bite my ankles, talk (meow), and knead anything his little paws can touch. Mika enjoys pouncing, biting my hands, sleeping, and looking adoringly up at me so that I will pet him.

I'm taking Mozart-Man on a date tomorrow night. Instead of him taking me, I wanted to surprise him with a night out. He doesn't know what's going on yet. We're going to start by going downtown to view the Cathedral, since he has been really wanting to see all the beautiful mosaics on the inside for about two years now. Then, I'm taking him to a lovely Italian restaurant; from what I've heard from friends, the food is scrumptious, and inexpensive. After dinner, we'll head to the art museum (free) for a nice stroll on the third floor (which is the only part we haven't seen yet; it's a huge museum, and we never seem to have time to get up to the third floor), then we'll wind up watching the French movie Amelie at my house and eating popcorn. I'm really excited! It will be a great time to cool down after a stressful week.

Okay...it's only 9:20 on a Thursday night, but I'm way too tired to write anymore. Goodnight ya'll.

Back from Chaos

2007-09-14T14:10:00.001-06:00

Sorry I haven't been posting, everyone. Life is INSANE, as I have previously stated. Besides having twenty-seven guitar students who I see Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights, I also teach a guitar ensemble for eight-ten kids on Saturdays. I am the manager of the workstudy students in the music department office, am taking fifteen credits in school (which actually is nine classes; two of my classes I don't get any credit for, and two others I only get one credit, even though I have to practice AND do homework for them), singing in the church choir almost every Sunday, and trying to stay part of Reformed Campus Fellowship.

Where's the golden medium in all of this? How do I keep Christ as my center? Where do I find time for everything I need to get done? Practicing my guitar is imperative, but so is eating, sleeping, wearing clean clothing, living in a (somewhat) clean environment, and reading my Bible. Praying is done mostly while walking to and fro between events/classes. I'm relying more and more on coffee to keep me functioning; I don't drink it every day yet, and I don't want to, but I don't know how else to stay alert. Thank the Lord for staying healthy, though!

I'll hopefully post more about what's going on in life soon. There's some exciting news I'm sure you'll all want to hear!

So Much to Do on a Tuesday Night!

2007-08-07T19:54:00.001-06:00

I miss Mozart-Man at this, the end of the summer, but I'll get to see him in four days when he (briefly) comes to St. Louis to find an apartment. Then, a week later, he'll be back for good when school starts. He cut off all his hair! No more hippy boyfriend; from the text messages and Facebook pictures I've seen, he looks quite amazing (in other words, hot) and very respectable. I'm so excited to see him : )

My family is moved in to their new house in KC. I'll be going to visit at the end of August, which I'm thrilled to do. I can't believe they'll finally be so close to me. A four hour drive instead of a twenty-eight hour trek is a big difference.

A friend recommended a poet named Czeslaw Milosz to me, so I've been trying to locate his works. I haven't yet looked on Amazon for anything yet, but I'd like to. What little I've seen is thought-provoking. Here's one that I especially enjoyed:

MEANING (Provinces)

- When I die, I Will see the lining of the world.
The other side, beyond bird, mountain, sunset.
The true meaning, ready to be decoded.
What never added up will add Up,
What was incomprehensible will be comprehended.
- And if there is no lining to the world?
If a thrush on a branch is not a sign,
But just a thrush on the branch? If night and day
Make no sense following each other?
And on this earth there is nothing except this earth?
- Even if that is so, there will remain
A word wakened by lips that perish,
A tireless messenger who runs and runs
Through interstellar fields, through the revolving galaxies,
And calls out, protests, screams.

In other news, I may be going to a ska concert on Friday night, I want to paint my room lavender, the temperature was a hundred and four degrees today, I hate paperwork, frozen blueberries are incredible, and I am currently obsessed with a singer named Mika, whose music I would define as reminiscent/techno/Brit/pop.

And Schubert is still a genius.

Do I Feel Like I am Twenty? No.

2007-08-01T09:38:00.002-06:00

These are some of the absolutely incredible kids (and me being weird again) from guitar camp. One of the highlights of my week now is Monday night, when I get to see quite a few of them at guitar ensemble practice. Then afterwards, my buddy Alec and I (he's the guy on my left who's laughing and wearing a white shirt) get to practice juggling for about twenty minutes. It's a much-anticipated twenty minutes of precious time that we both enjoy thoroughly. We're obsessed with juggling : )

Well, today is my twentieth birthday. I am now officially NOT a teenager anymore, but I must say that I certainly still feel like one! Right now I'm enjoying a present someone graciously bestowed upon me, a CD of Schubert's Lieder, sung by amazing baritone Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau and accompanied by Gerald Moore on piano. My favorite piece by Schubert is on there, too! It's a lieder called "Der Erlkonig"; the lyrics tell an exciting story of a little boy whose spirit is carried off by the Elf-King, and it was all his father's fault for not believing the boy when he said that the Elf-King was after him. Quite terrifying.

Thank goodness that I work in a place where it's considered acceptable...dare I say even NATURAL...to listen to beautiful classical music while doing office work and answering phones!

Tonight some friends and I are hopefully going to go see a Marx brothers movie (yes, I am that much of a nerd) then end up somewhere to get some dessert. Mozart-Man and I texted back and forth this morning when I woke up, and my mom, stepdad, and sister called while driving to Kansas City to wish me happy birthday. I love them all a lot!

Time to get back to drinking Sprite and making copies. Have a cheerful day, everyone!

A Little Mirth

2007-07-30T09:34:00.001-06:00

These are some beautiful roses that Mozart-Man gave me for Valentine's Day during our freshman year. Wow, that was a year and a half ago...

One of my guitar students who is eight years old almost made me die from held-in laughter last Wednesday night. She is learning a piece called "Scotland's Burning"; you've probably heard of it. Surprisingly, she said that she'd already learned the words and tune at her (catholic) school, so I told her that she could sing along with herself when she played it to help her understand the rhythms correctly. I couldn't help but wonder if her family goes to a Baptist church or something though (ha, stereotype!) because when she sings she tries to warble in an old-lady falsetto, complete with forced vibrato as wide as an opera singer past her prime. I wanted to laugh very badly, but knew that it would embarrass her, so I suppressed my merriment and turned bright red instead. Can you imagine the scene here? This little girl was drowning out her guitar by singing, "Scotland's burning, Scotland's burning, Lord God, Lord God. Fire, fire! Fire, fire! Pour on water, pour on water." Especially at the "Lord God" part, the student liked to close her eyes in pretended rapture. It about killed me.

My roommate Becca is moving out on the first weekend in August. My roommate Liz's older sister, Diane, will move in the second week of August. Although Pixie (Becca's cat) will be gone (sad panda) Liz and I want to adopt two kittens soon to take her place. I hate living without cats in the house. They provide such a needed energy to any space. What a wonderful thing it will be to be able to raise my own kitten! I'm ecstatically eager to begin.

My house is now called the Ignis Fatuus. Don't ask me why...I don't know. It just FIT. Then when I looked up the definition, that fit too: "something deluding or misleading". The colors in my house somehow seem to confuse a lot of people, and the mood of the house changes depending on what the weather/season it is outside.

Did you know that a lot of candy isn't vegetarian friendly? I found a list of stuff that was, online, but quite a bit of generic sweets out there are colored with ground up bugs. Pretty gross.I'm considering cutting dairy out of my diet, but I can't figure out how to do it yet. I'd be cool with everything except cheese; I eat that way too often to give it up without a fight. Anyways, here's a list of candies that are vegan/vegetarian; I thought it was pretty cool that so many sweets are animal-friendly.:

Airheads taffy
Atkins peanut butter bars
Blow Pops
Brach’s Cinnamon Hard Candy
Charms lollipops
Chick-o-Sticks
Cracker Jack
Cry Babies
Dem Bones
Dots
Dum-Dums
Fireballs
Goldenberg's Peanut Chews
Hubba Bubba bubblegum
Jolly Ranchers (lollipops and hard candy)
Jujubees
Jujyfruits
Lemonheads
Mambas
Mary Janes (regular and peanut butter kisses)
Now and Later
Pez
Ring Pop lollipops
Smarties (U.S. Brand)
Sour Patch Kids
Starburst (jelly beans and hard candy)
Super Bubble
Swedish Fish
Sweet Tarts
Tropical Source mini chocolate bags
Twizzlers
Zotz

Almost August Already?!

2007-07-26T07:42:00.001-06:00

This is me not feeling like I'm going to be twenty in six days. I don't look like it, I don't feel like it, and the older I get the more I get the feeling that age is pretty relative...at least when it comes to some things.

I had a really bad nightmare the other night. I dreamed that I was lying in my bed at night, when I started to hear what sounded like the rumbling roar of an airplane in the sky, but it kept getting louder and louder. I jumped up to look out the
window...and saw a huge meteor plummeting towards earth, burning and flaming the night sky. I grabbed my cell phone, thinking that I should try to call someone and say goodbye before I died, but my hands were shaking too much to dial any numbers straight. The comet hit, and almost instantly the shock waves hit my house. It was like an atomic bomb. Everything outside disintegrated, and the shards of the trees
rushed at me as my house fell apart and I was flung into the air. My skin was burned off like wax. Then I fortunately woke up to the sound of my cell phone ringing as Chris called to say goodnight after his rehearsal. At least there wasn't any pain when I died in my dream, just a lot of fear. Ugh.

I seriously love teaching. Some days I really don't want to go to the studio because I'm either tired or preoccupied, but quite a bit of the time I absolutely love what I do. Monday was one of the days where I couldn't wait to teach my kids. I taught the most talented student I have who loves to play "Boogie Woogie Bass" with his eyes closed so he can feel the groove, the ADD twin boys who only start playing real music in the last two minutes of the time, the little boy who never practices and has major learning disabilities but loves the guitar, the crazily intelligent kid who thinks and speaks on level with a sixth grader but is only seven years old, the tiny girl who adores the color pink and has the charisma of a talk show host,
the two fifteen year old young ladies who are more like my friends than my students (but I don't let them get away with not practicing), and the sweet beginner who has the cutest smile of all my girl students. I love seeing their faces light up when they realize that a piece of music, or a certain phrase, or even a new note isn't as hard as it seems, and they suddenly find that they can play what they originally thought was impossible.

In other news, vegetarian corn dogs are amazing, I actually bought real juggling balls last weekend and have been going crazy with them ever since, I'm going swing dancing tomorrow night, and my family is moving in two weeks to a state closer to me! They'll only be four hours away instead of twenty-eight, hooray!

*Edit- I was not actually the one who bought the juggling balls; the money to purchase them was a gift from my mom and stepdad. Forgive the mistake : ) I love you, mom and Sean!

General Happiness...Probably Because It's Friday

2007-07-20T08:09:00.003-06:00

This picture is my two awesome roommates from last school year, Amanda and Jenny. It's guaranteed to make anyone smile!

I recieved an early birthday present in the mail yesterday from a dear friend of mine. It was a book of poetry by Hafiz! My friend had been emailing me several of Hafiz's poems to see if I liked them, and I did very much, so he sent me an entire book. You can see what it looks like in my sidebar under "What Else I'm Reading Lately". It's one of the first NEW books I've owned in a long time; most books I buy from thrift stores, which is fine and great to recycle, but there's nothing quite like possessing a lovely, fresh-smelling book that has no marks or musses anywhere. It's so exciting : )

My hair is wound into two wiggly buns and clipped onto the back of my head, kind of like tiny pigtails. It's a new look I wanted to try when I woke up today, probably from watching this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=1NkE11LIIvs. You all should definitely watch it if you are even slightly interested in juggling, which I am very much. Speaking of juggling...my roommate's cat lost the squishy exercise balls I was using to juggle, so I need to actually buy real juggling bean bags sometime soon. Arg.

By the way, can anyone tell me how to make links work in my blog? I'm computer illiterate and can't figure it out. The little link button doesn't seem to work.

I'm going to a live, outdoor blues concert tonight with two of the young friends I saw the other night, Rachel and Grace. There's also a mockumentary being shown afterwards, "Best in Show", so we'll probably stay for that, too. I'm looking forward to a relaxing Friday evening to end a long work week.

Read Some Poetry

2007-07-19T08:27:00.001-06:00

Jorge Morel's concert last night was fabulous! Afterwards I was invited by the college guitar guys to go out somewhere for food/booze (not for me, I'm not twenty-one yet), but I opted to take some young friends out for frozen custard instead, which was a much better alternative. Who would pass up delicious Ted Drewe's custard? Thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen year olds are freaking cool, anyways.

I've been reading Carl Sandburg poetry in my spare time at the office where I work. Here's one of his poems that I adore:

LOVE IS A DEEP AND A DARK AND A LONELY

love is a deep and a dark and a lonely
and you take it deep take it dark
and take it with a lonely winding
and when the winding gets too lonely
then may come the windflowers
and the breath of wind over many flowers
winding its way out of many lonely flowers
waiting in rainleaf whispers
waiting in dry stalks of noon
wanting in a music of windbreaths
so you can take love as it comes keening
as it comes with a voice and a face
and you make a talk of it
talking to yourself a talk worth keeping
and you put it away for a keen keeping
and you find it to be a hoarding
and you give it away and yet it stays hoarded

like a book read over and over again
like one book being a long row of books
like leaves of windflowers bending low
and bending to be never broken

That's all for today, folks. I'm meeting a friend Elisabeth for lunch, making corn/carrot chowder tonight, practicing my guitar, and still catching up on emails and phone calls. I need to start catching up on sleep; this whole get-to-work-by-eight-fifteen-in-the-morning thing is starting to wear on me, especially since I haven't been able to get to bed earlier than 11:30 or midnight yet. Yay for Saturday and sleeping in!

Love the Earth!

2007-07-18T08:13:00.001-06:00

Isn't Rebecca cute?

Well, I had an awesome master class with famous guitarist/composer Jorge Morel last night. Let me tell you, it was AWESOME! I play Misionera by Fernando Bustamente for him, and he had some great tips, especially about the rasqueado section.

Everyone should take this survey. It was a nice eye-opener for me. If you all care even the least little bit about the world you live in, set aside five minutes of your time to look at the results of your test score:

http://www.itint.co.uk/hpisurvey/

Guitar Camp

2007-07-16T09:38:00.001-06:00

I just got back from guitar camp week, and I can't even describe how amazing it was. Every year I fall in love with the guitar all over again, and it gets better and better each time. The talent some of the kids have is mind-boggling!

The kids at camp have so much potential, not just in music, but in life: fourteen year old Alec, too short for his age, finally showing some guts on the very last night by standing up to the other boys when they picked on him... little Rachel, deciding to be strong "like all the other girls" instead of going to her father for everything... teen-aged Ryan, being himself, completely wacky and goofy and as
talented as he pleased instead of holding back in case someone thought he was weird... Tommy, nailing his ensemble music on the final concert and counting his rhythms perfectly after some tears and hours of work... awkward Mark, working his butt off to compete, and holding his head high with a second place award... and Eliot, probably the most incredible young man I've ever known, throwing his shyness away during the final round of the competition and holding the audience in the palm of his hand with the Tristango by Pujol...

Hmm. I'd better stop there before I get too poetic. Other cool things that happened at camp was me teaching at least five of the boys how to waltz, swimming on the last day, having delicious vegetarian alternatives provided by the camp cooks (!!!!), getting hugs from everyone all the time (I never get enough hugs), my ensemble of ten
little boys sounding horrible on their last rehearsal but pulling together and sounding GREAT at the concert, juggling every day until my arms were too sore to lift above my head, staying up late with the adults, canoeing (did I spell that right?) twice, drinking quite too much rootbeer, and best of all, not being afraid to ask questions and learn how to teach better by observing the other teachers, and
being able to teach master classes and an ensemble by myself and learn from my mistakes for next time.

"Without change, we would just be stale bread."

"My cats act far too dignified, considering the lazy life they lead."

"We speak to our students in the language of the moon."

"If it's true that I can't count my music correctly, then just tell me!"

"Blackberries?! Where???"

"I guess you can still play 'Gypsy Teens' with the ensemble...but only for one more month, because then you'll be twenty."

Eliza: "Eliot, are you asleep? Okay, guys, he's asleep...isn't Eliot the CUTEST kid ever?"
Eliot: "Um...I'm not asleep."

"I do NOT look like Harry Potter!"

"I'm not so much nervous of playing in the competition, but I'm nervous to go home. I look forward to camp so much every year that when it finally happens, I don't realize what's going on until it's over."

These are some of the notable quotes from camp. I'm sure there are more, but I don't remember them all now.

It's back to reality for me. I'm working every day at the music department, teaching in the evenings, practicing my guitar, talking to Mozart-Man on the phone every night, cooking new recipes, and juggling a lot. Only one month of summer left! Where has the time gone?

I think I may have achieved nirvana because of this

2007-06-26T09:20:00.002-06:00

I Scored a 100%!

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

For the Better and Worse In Life

2007-06-13T13:33:00.002-06:00

Simon is coming to visit tomorrow!!!!!!!

Mozart-Man and I are learning how to deal with a long-distance relationship (plus he'll be here in twenty days), the weather is going to boil me alive, and guitar practice is going better than ever.

The saddest thing I saw lately was a condom wrapper stuck on someone's bulletin board that said, "MEN DON'T PROTECT YOU ANYMORE". Look at our culture and you'll see how much real manliness and what makes a true gentleman has been twisted and almost squashed out of existence.

The best thing I saw lately was a statue of Jesus with uplifted hands on the top of a church nearby...with green plants somehow growing around his feet! He truly is the Lord of Life, and this scene was a good reminder that even where no growth should be possible, good things still spring up in His praise.

Coming Into June

2007-06-04T20:13:00.002-06:00

Life is definitely not nearly as crazy as it was last summer, or even as crazy as it was this past school year. Teaching two dozen students, working at the music department almost every day, and finishing up settling in the house are keeping me occupied, but there has been some time to practice (not as much as I'd like), cook, have coffee with friends, begin catching up on emails/phone calls to friends far away, and so forth. I REALLY miss Mozart-Man, though; his absence is beginning to wear on me sadly. Talking to him every night helps, along with letters weekly... I'm very glad that he's planning on a visit over the 4th of July.

My great friend Simon from Idaho is coming to see me in two weeks, also, so that is exciting. I've known him since he was five years old; now he's seventeen and one of the most awesome people in my world. I'm going to drag him around to sight-see all the cool attractions like the Arch, the city museum, Forest Park and its free museums, Lone Elk Park, the old Union Station, and Central West End. Hopefully we'll get some time to just chill so I can listen to him play guitar for a while.

I was selected to be a peer counselor for a fine arts camp, so I'll be doing that soon, and I'm going to be teaching at a guitar camp in a month too. I played a bunch of gigs recently. Plus, I started singing in the church choir, which is very enjoyable; somehow I feel like I can worship God better when I use the love for music that He gave me for His glory. It's kind of a strange feeling...it's not like I can't worship Him without using music, but it just flows so much more naturally that way. Am I sounding strange?

Anyways, time to go do dishes before bedtime. If you are reading this and I haven't returned/answered your email/letter/phone call, I promise I will get to it soon. I love you all!

Settling In

2007-05-22T13:32:00.002-06:00

Now that I'm almost all the way settled into my house, good things are beginning to happen.

- Even without curtains, I can sleep fairly well and not wake up at six with the birds.

- I'm eating more.

- I'm able to enjoy my jobs teaching and working at the music department.

- Having friends over to watch movies in a HOUSE as compared to an APARTMENT is much easier with all the extra room!

Life is good. The only bad things happening right now are allergies (which are dreadful) and the bouts of loneliness I encounter several times a day. It'll be much better when I get to see my sister at the end of the summer, and when Jean (my boss) gets back from vacation, and if Mozart-Man can visit me over the 4th of July like we're trying to plan. I'm keeping very busy doing fun things with friends, though! I'm meeting with a friend for coffee tomorrow afternoon, seeing a Shakespeare play with the same friend on Friday evening, going over to Cheerful Ex-Roomie's house for dinner this weekend, and so forth.

I have four gigs in the next two weeks, so music stuff is still crazy! Plus, I just got hired to be a peer counselor for a Fine Arts camp at the beginning of June, so there's a nice bit of extra cash. I'm excited to have money saved up for when school starts again.

A peregrine falcon ate a young blackbird in front of my office window today. It was an amazing sight.

Pictures are pending for the house (still nameless) because my room isn't quite finished yet. I just bought a beautiful bedside dresser/cabinet for $25 at a church sale. It was originally from Ethan Allen, which explains why the wood is so lovely. This means that I won't have to use the falling-apart cardboard box for my bedside table. Now I just need a bed. I'm still on the lookout!

Anyone Have Ideas For a House Name Yet?

2007-05-14T12:39:00.001-06:00

Lying in bed last night, reading about David in the book of Samuel, I felt very much at peace. Being alone these past few days has been good, I think; it allows me to concentrate more on God. Despite missing Mozart-Man, this time away from him will be a good thing, because I can fully concentrate on my relationship with God. Plus, Mozart-Man and I will be writing lots of letters (I've already started one to him), we talk every night on the phone, and occasionally text-message each other.

I'm going to start getting up much earlier. It's hard not to wake up early at my new house anyways (it still needs a name!). The birds start singing around 5:45 in the morning, which is about when the sky starts lightening. Since we have the windows open 24/7, I hear all the racket from the birds. The sun starts coming through my window around 6:30, so I might as well get up then. I really need curtains for my room; the blinds just don't keep out the light. The weather is cool in the morning, I get a lot done, and have enough time for breakfast. The only downside to getting up early is that I have to go to bed earlier also. Around ten or ten thirty would be good. We'll see how that goes.

I'm going to make hummus for the first time this week. I had apricots with my lunch, and carrot soup is on the menu for dinner. I love living near this vegetable market!

Give Me Suggestion on What to Name My New Home, Please?

2007-05-12T16:47:00.000-06:00

I miss everyone. I miss Cheerful Roomie quite a bit, and I miss being next door to my friends Elisabeth and Anders, but I mostly miss Mozart-Man. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours since he left (heck, it hasn't been more than six!) but I miss him already. He was such a huge help this weekend with cleaning my apartment; some of my roommates decided not to help clean very much or at all, which was really disappointing. I wouldn't have been able to check out of my apartment on time with the place in order if Mozart-Man wouldn't have been there doing a huge share of the work. He kept me calm when I felt overwhelmed with all the cleaning/packing/moving/organizing.

But it's all done! At least, the first part of it is. All my stuff is currently in the living room of my new house, waiting for the other person to move out tomorrow so I can have her bedroom.

I need a good name for my house...any suggestions? I know it would be much easier to do if there were pictures, but those will have to wait until my junk is organized and the house is clean again. A good description of the place is:

- DIfferent colored rooms, which I've already addressed in a previous blog. The living room is yellow, the kitchen red, the upstairs bedrooms blue and green, my bedroom light brownish hazel, and the bathroom blue and white. Oh, plus the mural of a starry night on the walls leading down into the basement : )

- Lots of hippy stuff, like wind-chimes, flowy curtains, rickety furniture, plants, awesome artwork of things like frogs wearing headphones and Picasso-style shapes, thrift-bought dishes, a t.v. that you'd find in your grandma's house, a record player (!!!), and a cat.

- It's the kind of place you'd imagine artists and musicians living in. And hey, we are! Becca does design work and has a silk-screen shop set up in the basement, Cello-Girl plays music and loves to draw, and I play guitar and write poetry. It all works out.

As a celebration of moving in, I bought an avocado to eat with my dinner. There's a vegetable/fruit stand conveniently situated near my house, and avocados were less than seventy-five cents each. Woot! Now I just need to go hunting for candles, and I'll be happy.

On the Eve of a Move

2007-05-10T21:24:00.000-06:00

It's bittersweet to say goodbye to roommates who you've lived with for so long (some for two years, one for half a year but still just as loved), even though I'll be seeing them all the time on campus since we're good friends. Ah, the constantly fluctuating college life. I'll really miss them; hopefully we'll be able to see each other this summer. One of my roomies is completely moved out, the other practically is gone already even though she hasn't checked out yet, and the other roomie is finishing packing up right now to leave tomorrow morning. I'm moving tomorrow and Saturday, officially out by Saturday afternoon. I'm excited for my new house; it's a great size, I love the hardwood floor and my own room and the gas stove and the beautifully multi-colored walls (a different color for each room, I promise to post pictures sometime if I get a chance)...but it's still sad to leave the apartment I lived in this year and all my roommates.

I miss my family, too. It was my choice to stay here over the summer to work and get more guitar lessons. Still, a family is a family, and I miss seeing mine, especially when all the other kids' parents/siblings help them move out and bring them home. Boo to living across the country from family; sometimes it sucks. I wouldn't miss out on going to college here, though, so I guess there are sacrifices to make.

About a third of my stuff is packed and ready to be moved. The girl whose room I'm moving into isn't going to be out until this Sunday, so we're doing some juggling to get my stuff into the new house while moving her stuff out at the same time. I'm sleeping here two more nights, then sleeping on the couch in the new house one night, then I'll have the place to myself. I'm not worried.

On a good note, I went to Goodwill today looking for furniture, and hit the jackpot. I got a slightly beat-up wood dresser for twenty bucks, and a rickety wooden chair for six. Then I bought a lovely old writing desk that will be perfect for my computer for thirty dollars; a little more expensive, but it was a great size and style. There's not a lot of space in my bedroom, so getting small furniture is a good thing. I'm still waiting on a bed. I'm borrowing Mozart-Man's huge beanbag over the summer, which unfolds out into a sleeping pad big enough for me (I tested it in my room), so until I find a real bed I'll use that.

I am SO looking forward to having a huge kitchen to cook in and the great garden out back to plant whatever I want and cuddling with Becca's (a new roomie) cat and being able to light candles!

My boss for workstudy gave all her workers gift certificates to Borders as a thank you, so I went out last night in celebration of being done with two years of college and bought a gorgeous notebook with colored polka-dots to keep in my purse and an awesome cookbook called "The Clueless Vegetarian". The recipes are amazing, there are some good tips on cooking substitutes, and I can't wait to try some of the dishes in it. It made me very happy : )

Wow...it's not even eleven o'clock, and I'm exhausted. Time to hit the sack early, methinks, so that I can get up around nine to continue packing and start moving stuff over the new place.

Allergy Season Has Begun

2007-05-08T13:15:00.000-06:00

Finals are almost done! I won't go into all the gory detail of staying up past midnight to study, rushing from a dance class to a guitar jury in fifteen minutes, or the appearance of a mysterious rash that covered Mozart-Man from head to toe for about three days. Let me just say that this has been a CRAZY time. Family stuff has been through a range of emotions due to some issues that suddenly came up, my guitar ensemble kids had their final performance at a retirement center and played great, and I only have one final paper and one final project to finish until school is complete for the year. Then I'm going to move out of the apartment into a house that I'm sharing with a fellow musician (Cello-Girl, we'll call her) and another roommate, Becca.

Mozart-Man is leaving in a few days for his hometown : (

I was tagged by R for this, so I decided to fill it out before I hit the library again to work on my paper. Everyone needs a break, right?

7 Random facts/habits about Lyssa (I will then have to "tag" seven people in turn):

1. I'm allergic to everything that lives and grows except for mold and bird feathers.

2. I almost went to the national level of competitions for long-jumping when I was fourteen or fifteen. I jumped 15' 10 1/2", so I qualified, but I didn't have the money to do anything.

3. I listened only to classical music until I was fifteen...then I found the band Rush, and began to branch out. Now I enjoy a wide variety of styles.

4. My younger sister was born the day before I turned five. I call her my early birthday present : )

5. My favorite foods in the world are avocados, huckleberries, creme brulee, and artichokes. My least favorite foods are meat (any kind), seafood (any kind), mushrooms, and bell peppers.

6. I crochet, but can't knit. My expertise only covers washcloths, pot-holders, scarves, and bags, though.

7. I have a secret, newfound love for the card game "Magic: the Gathering". Mozart-Man and I play quite a bit. So far, I'm no good with the plains or forest cards, so-so on the water deck, and do my best work using fire and swamp cards.

I don't know enough people to tag for this...

Crazy Crazy Crazy

2007-04-24T09:48:00.000-06:00

For the first time, I donated at the Red Cross drive yesterday. I even passed all the entrance questions and the iron-count blood test that I failed last time and battled my fears of needles and pain long enough to lie down almost twenty minutes (while clenching my teeth and intently concentrating on a book of Billy Collin's poetry) to fill up a plastic pint bag of blood. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be! The main annoyance was that my arm was asleep, but the nurse kept telling me to squeeze a stress ball to keep my blood pumping : )

The after-effects were a little more unpleasant. I was dizzy the rest of the day and almost passed out twice. Thank God for Mozart-Man driving me to teach later that evening! I'll know next time to schedule blood donations later in the day so I can have time to rest. On the bright side, I got free pizza and didn't have to sing in choir!

I had a dress rehearsal for a choir I'm accompanying last night also. They aren't nearly ready to perform next weekend, so I'm a little fearful. It was a frustrating rehearsal, then to top it all off, as I was driving home I heard an announcement for the concerts on the classical radio station. Ack! I don't want anyone to come hear the show!

There is way too much to be done in these last two weeks before finals. I'm so stressed that I'm getting only about five or six hours of sleep each night. You'd think that being exhausted would make my body GO to sleep, not stay awake thinking about how to cram enough work for twenty-five hours into the space of twenty-four. Consequently, this will be my last post for a little while.

Don't worry, I'll be back when there's a lull in the madness!

Thank God for No Gunmen Here

2007-04-16T15:32:00.000-06:00

Today has been a not-so-typical Monday.

Usually I run around like crazy trying to get errands/homework/stuff done all day, cramming classes, teaching, work, cooking, etc. into my schedule. But today was better. Choir at noon was cancelled, and I tried to take the rest of my day with a relaxed mind. It helps to not let the little things bug you...like the fact that I have three loads of clean laundry waiting to be folded and put away as soon as I'm done writing this.

I had a big wake up call this morning that taught me again how important it is to find time for little things that bring joy to others, and how wonderful God's blessings are. I'm sure anyone reading this has already heard about the deaths of thirty people in America's worst school shooting ever on a Virginia campus. God help all those people and their families; please keep them in your prayers. It made me ponder how I live my life: what if a gunman came to my university and shot me, or my friends, or my professors? You never know when your last day will come. It makes me a lot more thankful for even the mundane events, like sitting through a boring history class.

Thank you, Lord, for the life you've blessed me with, and let me never take it for granted.

Can Someone Say CRAZY?

2007-04-03T21:35:00.000-06:00

I signed up for my classes in Fall '07. I'll be taking a full eighteen credits again. Here they are!

- Orchestration 1
- Conducting 1
- Tap Dance 2
- 20th century music
- Guitar lessons
- Modal counterpoint theory
- Choir
- Recital attendance
- Guitar ensemble
- Instrumental master class

Besides all this, I'll be preparing for my junior recital, teaching guitar lessons, doing workstudy in the music office, and being president/supervisor of at LEAST two organizations on campus. Hooray for insanity!

Count the Small Blessings Instead of the Large Complaints

2007-04-02T16:03:00.000-06:00

Once again, life is crazy, and probably will stay that way until school ends in little over a month.

I'm learning to give all my worries to God, and appreciate more the tiny blessings that come along, such as:

- Finding two cute tank tops that fit me perfectly at a thrift store for $2.50. I'm wearing one now!

- Mozart-Man buying me a kiwi-strawberry Propel. That flavored water is addicting.

- The warm weather. It was over eighty today!

- My guitar teacher lending me a recording of Itzhak Perlman playing Bach. *sigh with happiness*

- Doing five loads of laundry this weekend...for free! Yay Residential Appreciation!

- Performing with musicians who can count rhythms beautifully and know their instruments well.

- Watching the sixth and seventh episodes of Naruto Shippuden that FINALLY came out online. Uh, I mean, I don't like anime at all...uh...

- Having lunch today with Mozart-Man and a new friend Myco, who just transferred to my school.

- My RA saying that it is okay for me to have a SMALL tomato plant and some flowers outside on my apartment porch. I've been wanting to garden very badly for the past two years. Now I just have to get some potting soil.

- Actually being able to fix the copy machine at work today when the professors couldn't figure it out.

Well, those were my fun moments of the weekend, folks. I'm off to teach and sit in on a choir rehearsal that I'm accompanying in a month.

I Don't Want to Just Hug a Tree

2007-03-31T09:46:00.000-06:00

I hear two sides of the fence:

"Christians need to focus on people, not on trivial matters! If you're investing your time in anything other than directly helping the church, then that's WRONG."

and

"Christians should be at the forefront of environmentalism. Didn't God tell Adam and Eve to have dominion over the earth, subdue it, and care for the world and all the creatures therein?"

I'm trying to find a good in-between view. Like many college kids nowadays, it's been coming to my sight that we are a very wasteful society. I won't rant about it...I'm sure whoever's reading this has heard of all the problems in our culture and environment et al. But I'm going to add myself to the number of 'going green' individuals who think that tiny steps like running around the house/apartment and turning off lights and appliances that aren't being used will help protect our fragile world.

Here are some earth-friendly things I've begun implementing this year:

- Using canvas tote bags instead of plastic bags at the grocery store. You wouldn't believe how many plastic bags I used to use!

- Going vegetarian. To explain this would require another new post, so I'll deal with this one later.

- Air-drying at least half of my clothes instead of using a dryer. When I move this summer, I'll be able to air-dry all of them; as it is, I don't have enough space to do so yet.

- Slowly but surely cutting back on all plastic bag, tinfoil, and disposable container usage. Once again, due to lack of space, I'll be able to do more of this when I move.

- Walking places that I don't neccesarily need a car for. This would be even better if I had a bike.

- Keeping the air-conditioner off as long as humanly possible in the apartment. Thanks goes to my roommates, who probably desire the temperature a few degrees cooler but use a fan instead. Open windows and cool breezes have helped a lot, too.

- Recycling almost all tossed-out papers (junkmail, newspaper, homework assignments, grocery lists, etc.), cans, and bottles both plastic and glass.

I want to start doing more, but this is the extent it's been this semester.

Arbor Day, Earth Day, and National Day of Climate Action are all in April, everyone! Research them online, there's some cool stuff involved. And look at the guy in my sidebar, he's an inspiration.

P.S.
My mom says that she kind of went through a vegetarian, all-organic, save the animals stage when she was around my age, too. Kinda weird...

Something Happy

2007-03-29T21:02:00.001-06:00

These are the lovely roses I received last year on Valentine's Day. They remind me of spring, which is currently hitting with full force.

That's all : )

Chill Out, Already

2007-03-29T16:19:00.000-06:00

It's always nice to know that God is looking out for me and teaching me valuable lessons, but those lessons are as hard to swallow as cherry-flavored cough syrup while they're happening.

I was looking forward to a busy Thursday last night after I came home from my last class at 8:45 p.m. and settled down to study. Tall Roomie and Cheerful Roomie and Mozart-Man and another friend and I all settled down to watch The Incredibles while studying for our various school subjects. Everything was going nicely until Cheerful Roomie got up to get a drink, then came back with the exclamation, "Our kitchen has turned into a lake!"

We all ran out to see, and sure enough, our kitchen was flooded with water and spreading farther by the minute. It was quickly obvious that the liquid was emanating from the refrigerator, of all places, and more specifically from the broken ice machine in the freezer. Mozart-Man (like the awesome person he is) took charge of the situation. He stopped the ice machine from producing more water, drove to Schnucks to buy a mop and bucket, and proceeded to mop the entire kitchen floor while me and the other girls laid down newspapers to dry it off after him. There was a LOT of freaking water, let me tell you! It took around two and a half hours to get the kitchen completely cleaned up, clean out the fridge (since everything in there was sopping wet), dry everything off, and put everything back. Everyone was awesome about helping.

So...after all this was done, I realized that it was almost midnight, I still needed to take a shower, and I had done barely any studying for my music history exam the next morning. Tears and frustration ensued, of course, and a very tired Mozart-Man was faced with two choices: leave his annoying girlfriend to wallow in self-pity so he could go get some rest, or stay and comfort his girlfriend and help her study for another hour and half. He chose the latter.

Waking up this morning, tired and cranky, I studied again for another hour and half before class. Then I remembered that I also had to perform at the noon recital and accompany a vocalist in voice master class today, plus I had a poetry assignment to turn in that was NOT finished. So I started acting meanly towards Mozart-Man, wanting to soak in my feelings that life wasn't fair or nice.

He was shockingly stern to me. "This is not how a relationship will work," he said, "when you are behaving this way towards me, do you think you are building us up or helping improve your situation? No! I have been trying to encourage you, but you won't be comforted and now you're just being stupid, so STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!"

I stopped, and thought a second about how lame I was acting. Then the Lord showed me how I was blowing the situation entirely out of proportion, convicted me in an instant of what an idiot I was, and I was sorry. So I apologized, calmed down, and Mozart-Man and I went to class.

God was teaching me the lesson from this past Sunday's sermon about not worrying about the things of this world because He cares for us. I was stressing far too much about today, and He showed me my faults very clearly. Thank you, Lord, for using my weakness to show Your strength.

At the almost-end of the day, I can look back and say that it wasn't that bad. I was pretty well prepared for the exam and didn't do too badly, both performances went well, I had time for lunch AND time to finish my poetry assignment and hand it in on time, and once I stopped worrying about everything, life was a lot more pleasant.

Go Out Into All the World...

2007-03-24T18:10:00.000-06:00

I've had a pretty stressful past few days. What with nonstop rushing around from nine in the morning until five o'clock, several friends' birthdays, rehearsals for an upcoming guitar concert, workstudy, an open house for the guitar program I teach at, homework, and general stress, it's been crazy. But as usual, there are wonderful things that have helped counteract the insane lifestyle I lead: namely, Mozart-Man, who is by far the most patient person I have ever met. He has been so sweet...but don't worry, I won't make you gag by listing all the wonderful aspects about him.

I'm looking forward to church tomorrow. I missed going over spring break.

Something has come up that hit me out of the blue. I was making copies during my workstudy job yesterday, minding my own business, and saw a brochure for the Peace Corps hanging on a bulletin board. Curious, I read it; I was actually pretty interested in their mission. Now, I realize they're probably ultra liberal (which I'm not), but I liked the idea...volunteering for a little over two years to go to a foreign country and assist where you can help the community. Training, benefits, expenses, and everything is paid for. When I got back to my room after workstudy I looked them up online. I don't think I would ever join, mostly because I probably wouldn't be allowed to do what is most important, sharing the Gospel of Jesus, but I still had that desire to go somewhere and help.

Then it hit me. I could go somewhere and serve, while still teaching the Good News. Um, duh, they're called missionaries, Lyssa! That's when I started feeling uncomfortable.

There's always been this funny little twinge I get whenever missionaries are mentioned. When I was much younger (nine or eleven) I had this wonderful image of someday being able to travel to Africa or something, preaching the love of God to everyone. Then I fell in love with the guitar, and decided I was too shy to tell anyone about God.

Before people reading this freak out, I'm NOT planning on dropping out of college to travel to Zimbabwe, have no fears. But the excuses I found for why I couldn't go to a foreign country as the Lord's servant don't seem as valid anymore. And yes, I know that there is always a need for people to volunteer here in the United States, and right in my own city. But there's always a need for out-of-country workers, isn't there?

Maybe I'm just being silly. Maybe it's stupid of me to even think about missionary work when I'm not even twenty yet and still in college for a music degree. Maybe I should stick to volunteering in the church nursery and cooking meals for expecting mothers. And I'm not the sort of person to go live forever in a foreign land; I wouldn't be able to stand not seeing my family or Mozart-Man (who still has at least four more years of school left so he can get his masters degree in conducting).

Even weirder, I'm feeling a strange draw towards South America. What's up with that?

I've been thinking about it a lot. And I don't know what to think anymore. I have a lot more words and thoughts in my head, too, but it would take too long to write them down, and this blog is already long.

Joe the Dreamer

2007-03-20T11:15:00.001-06:00

This is a picture of Mozart-Man walking in our favorite park back in Ohio, about this time last year. I love this picture.

Everyone's heard of the story of Joseph and the coat of many colors. I've been re-reading the book of Genesis lately, and came across Joseph meeting his brothers in Egypt after many years. His brothers had sold him into slavery, left him for dead, and hated him, but after all that, Joseph is able to accept them and care for them. How is this possible? Here is Joseph's answer:

"...Now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me here before you to preserve life. For the famine has been in the land these two years...and God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. So it was not you who sent me here, but God."

Even though nasty things happen to people, God will use them for His own purposes and bring good out of evil. This is something I need to keep reminding myself. Everything in life will work out for the glory of Him who reigns in spite of man's attempts to thwart God's purposes.

Back From the Grave, Ya'll

2007-03-19T22:03:00.000-06:00

So much for all the meaningful, insightful blogs I meant to write over spring break. I didn't have the determination to sit long enough in the stuffy basement of Mozart-Man's house to type on the cold computer.

Break was good anyways. My neck hurt pretty badly that first weekend, but by Monday night I could sleep in relative comfort and do laundry without pain. So Mozart-Man took me to the Cincinnati Zoo on Tuesday. It was awesome! We saw manatees, an okapi, two white lions that roared loudly, huge elephants, a baby desert cat, a two foot long salamander, and little vampire bats drinking blood from a bowl, just to name a few of the gems. Plus, the weather was PERFECT, about eight-five degrees and sunny.

As for the rest of the week, I read a lot of books, learned how to play the card game Magic: the Gathering, toured the surrounding Cincinnati towns, hung out with some of Mozart-Man's friends, watched Star Trek and Star Gate (which I now love), won a game of Pinochle with Mozart-Man against his parents, sampled Irish food, and slept a lot. The downside was that I had nasty allergies, which ended up turning into a cold by Friday. I'm still getting over that. But my time was mainly spent relaxing, which was very nice.

It's hard to get back into the routine of school, work, rehearsals, coordination of time, laundry, chores, errands, cooking, and everything else. I'm sure all the moms who read this are thinking, "yeah, welcome to my life, and I don't get a break from it!" I definitely am learning to appreciate all the hard work that goes into running a household, and applaud my mother (and all the other mothers out there) for her long years of service to my family. Hopefully I'll be as adept as she is when I have my own family to care for and not just myself.

Yesterday I threw a bunch of stuff into a pot, cooked it, and came out with corn and potato chowder. It was ridiculously good; I ate much more than I should have. Experimenting with food is fun, as long as it turns out edible and somewhat tasty. I'm going to try to make cheese and tomato enchiladas sometime this week, even though I have no idea how. We'll see how they turn out!

My grandmother on my dad's side just sent me an amazing hand-sewn quilt. I don't quite know what to do with it or myself. Ever since my parents got divorced, my grandma hasn't really seemed to care about me until now. I'm kind of curious to know why she suddenly decided to be nice. Maybe she wants to see me again? I'm going to write her a thank-you card, but I'm not quite sure what to say, either. The quilt is lying on my bed; it's beautiful, but I'm not the sort of person to hang something on a wall that could be useful. I'll be careful with it...as it keeps me warm at night.

Bach is getting the better of me in my guitar practice. When I get frustrated, I practice the other major piece I'm working on, a Spanish piece called "The Hummingbird". It sounds like its title, yet it's surprisingly simple; the only difficulty is working it up to speed. And of course there's always the ensemble and accompanying music to work on.

In other news, it's really warm, Mozart-Man and I are hooked on a t.v. show from the Travel Channel called "Bizarre Foods", I have a music history exam coming up, and life is peachy : )

Ouch

2007-03-08T13:08:00.000-06:00

I woke up this morning with my neck feeling a little funny, so I sat up and tried to stretch it out slowly. Then I heard a pop...and now my neck hurts like fire. At first I couldn't even turn my head to the right, but after a couple painkillers and a long, hot shower I have a little more movement. I've been lying down almost all morning. With the keyboard in my lap, I can type just fine, but can't do much else. Walking hurts...yawning hurts...brushing my hair hurts (thank goodness for a boyfriend and kind roommates)...and I have way too much to get done before I leave tomorrow for break to be bedridden. Agh!

The muscles from my right ear all the way down my right shoulder, extending down my upper back, and centered on my upper right spine are all in knots. I've tried massaging it, but to no avail.

Hmmm.

At the very least, I need to be able to pack.

Lord...strength.

Waiting for Spring

2007-03-06T23:04:00.000-06:00

I keep meaning to write more posts, full of deep insights about all sorts of things...what God has been teaching me lately, the great sermons at my church, amazing ideas in "Hidden Art", etc. But time always runs short, especially during mid-terms. Not that I have many exams...I actually only have one, in tap dancing class, tomorrow morning. Pretty cool, huh? Everything else is keeping me busy, though. I've been writing lists of what I need to do every day, yet I still can't ever accomplish all of it.

Almost everyone from Bible study came over tonight and ate Mexican food that I cooked. The rice didn't burn for the first time, but was a little mushy; the salsa was fine, and the beans weren't too salty, so as a whole it wasn't a bad meal. We had originally planned to watch a movie afterwards, but no one ended up staying later than 8:45 due to various important reasons...so Mozart-Man and I watched "Lady in the Water" by ourselves. I love that movie! M. Night Shyamalan is a genius.

The only homework I have over spring break is a poetry project, which will be fun. And practicing my guitar, of course, which I will definitely work on. I'll be going home with Mozart-Man and his family for the week; we'll leave either on Friday or Monday, depending on if I have to play in a concert over the weekend or not.

I'm looking forward to just chilling for a week. Heaven knows that all the students here need it! I get between six and seven hours of sleep each night, have pretty healthy eating habits, and haven't been ill yet this semester, but I'm starting to drag my feet and fall asleep in class. There's too much going on to have enough energy for it all. Hooray for break!

Hopefully I'll have computer access so that I can write some meaningful blogs. There will certainly be time for writing. I also plan to finish crotcheting a book bag, read more of Anne McCaffrey's books, watch Star Trek movies and Riverdance (I like it, don't laugh), go to the zoo, take walks in the lovely outdoors, and sleep without waking up for class. Plus, Mozart-Man is taking me to a giant flea market, so I'm excited!

Only three more days of school...I can make it : )

Pulling Out My Hair Yet?

2007-02-26T23:03:00.000-06:00

Thanks be to God for peace in stressful times. And thanks be to God for my wonderful boyfriend who keeps me sane and loves me even when I snap at him over nothing.

Here is the list of things that MUST be done tomorrow:

- Get license plate number and send form to property assessor
- Mail taxes
- Music association meeting
- Print programs for a student recital
- Go to grocery store
- Call Alice
- Call prospective students
- Look over/document budget from February
- Clean room and put away laundry
- Write homework assignment with Elisabeth
- Go to two hour and half long classes
- Two hours of workstudy
- Finish poetry project
- Practice guitar for lesson on Wednesday

So I'm going to bed. Goodnight, ya'll.

In His Death is my Birth

2007-02-25T19:26:00.000-06:00

This was the first Sunday of Lent in church. I know I said in a previous post that I don't follow Lent, the church I am in at least observes the fact that it is the time of rememberance for Christ's suffering, both in His temptation and in His time before the crucifixion. Did I spell that right? The sermon series until Easter Sunday is a focus on Jesus being the Son of Man, so the name of the sermon today was Jesus as Son of Man: Bound for Jerusalem, Determined to Die.

We sang a rendition of Psalm 23, which is my favorite version of this poem. Verses one and five are the most pointed:

The King of love my Shepherd is,
My good He makes His own;
He gives me all I truly need,
His peace, His rest, His Son.

Your table spread within their sight
My foes refuse to taste;
But sweet I feed upon the hope:
To see you face to face.

This was a quiet Sunday. There was a fellowship meal after church, then I met with Heather as we discussed Hidden Art. I got some laundry done, too. And did a lot of cooking. And relaxing. I'm not feeling tip-top...my lymph nodes are swollen, throat a little sore, and feeling tired. I do NOT want to get sick! I'm fighting it off with lots of fruits and veggies, water, rest, Zicam, Airborn, and Vitamin C. So hopefully I'll be fine.

Explain This Amalgamation

2007-02-24T22:10:00.001-06:00

Read an interesting article off of somebody else's blog. Made me think a lot.

http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=MGNiODQ4YmEzMjc1ODc1YTYwNmIxM2Q5ZWZkZmE3YTM

Being one of the few on my campus to NOT believe in abortion, premarital sex, stem-cell harvesting, and other such taboo topics, my opinions often meet with blank stares or sneers. At least my roommates are pretty conservative, so I always have my apartment to run to. The weird thing is, in spite of all my "uptight" beliefs, I'm vegetarian, dress like a hippy, and agree with some of PETA's ideas. Strange combination of right and left, eh?

I need a pair of sandals for the summer. Or a pair of loafer shoes. Something to wear casually...and I can't find any good ones at thrift stores! I long for the thrift shops of Idaho. Payless and Target look like the most promising options. All my tightwad sensibilities protest against spending more than fifteen dollars on shoes.

Watched Back to the Future II and part of III this evening. Wacky stuff.

Here is a picture of Mozart-Man since I haven't posted one yet. This is over a year old, so his hair is longer, but he's still just as cute!

What a Temper I Have

2007-02-24T08:51:00.000-06:00

So much for the wonderful weather we've been having...it's now back down to thirty degrees with pouring rain. At least there were a few nice moments these week where I could run around in t-shirts, skirts, and sandals.

For some reason I was really, really cranky yesterday. It was probably due to the fact that I've been running around with my head chopped off almost non-stop this week. Or maybe it was because I have two jobs. Or possibly because I started to get a sore throat, and getting sick is not on my agenda (Tall Roomie and Cheerful Roomie were both pretty ill last week, so I've been praying that I don't catch whatever they have). Anyway, Mozart-Man realized that I wasn't doing so hot, and tried to cheer me up after classes were done. Usually when he does that I feel better, but yesterday just didn't work. After I'd been snapping at him, arguing about EVERYTHING he said for about two hours, and began putting on what I call my "Eeyore" mood, he finally sat me down and firmly told me that he was not going to take it. "I know you're busy, tired, and grumpy, but that does NOT mean you can act like this! You may not push me away." I was rather stunned at how forceful he was, and meekly agreed. Then he insisted that we go for a walk, finish eating dinner, and go to listen to some music. He even gave me a back rub, which he normally doesn't do.

My friend Liz gave us two free tickets to hear the St. Louis Symphony last night, so Mozart-Man and I went. It was so relaxing and lovely. The night ended with Mozart-Man eating his left-overs from dinner, me eating a parfait and granola, and us sharing fries. Woohoo, dollar menu!

We're going to meet today for lunch when I have a break from teaching. Mozart-Man amazes me constantly. He's not the timid, shy boy I met almost two years ago. He's still gentle, quiet, and mild, but he's not a pushover, and he's a strong person.

Now on to my busy morning. We'll see how many kids show up for their ensemble rehearsals in this stormy weather.

I've Got Rhythm

2007-02-22T15:05:00.000-06:00

Something hilarious happened yesterday when I was leaving my guitar lesson. I had played well, and made a lot of progress in Bach's Chaconne, which my teacher was excited about. As I walked out the door, he started to say something, then stopped, and began laughing. I asked him what was so funny, and he said, "I was about to tell you that you play real pretty for a white girl!"

I'm going to try a new recipe tonight. It is a baked dish of red potatoes and artichoke hearts in a sauce of olive oil, herbs, and feta cheese. My mouth is watering already.

There is a horrible computer virus going around campus right now. The library and registrar's offices are disabled, as well as many of the faculty's computers. I turned my computer completely off when I heard about it, but unfortunately the virus had already been spreading, so I don't know if my computer has it or not. I'll just keep it off until the computer crew here (who are working like maniacs) fix the system. Thank goodness the computers here in the music lab still work!

Mozart-Man came into the office today while I was working just to give me a hug and ask how I was doing. He is so sweet. I wish I had a camera to take pictures. Happy Love Thursday!

Lovely Weather, Is It Not?

2007-02-21T11:12:00.000-06:00

The weather is SO BEAUTIFUL outside right now. There's a springtime feel and sixty degree sunlight that makes my vitamin-D deficient skin rejoice.

The music organization that I'm in charge of is getting slightly frustrating, since nobody seems to want to help with it. I don't know if it's because of something that I'm doing wrong, or because nobody's interested, or what, but I'm not sure how to solve lack of participation. I'm going to meet with the head of my department tomorrow to get his input; I want to do the best I can with this.

Today is Ash Wednesday. I think people assume that I'm Catholic since I'm Hispanic, which is kind of funny. I know that this is the time when we observe the beginning of the Christ's temptation in the wilderness for forty days, but I don't exactly follow the Lent pattern of giving something up or fasting. Several friends on campus are participating in a Forty Days project, though...the leader sends out a Bible passage and a topic for prayer every day that we can think on and consider.

Tap dancing this morning was a little different. We are learning soft-shoe steps, which are done completely on the balls of your feet with your arms held out a bit below shoulder level, kind of like ballet. So my muscles are sore in ways they never were for regular tapping. Soft-shoe seems like a much more graceful art.

Time to practice before my guitar lesson, in spite of my cracked thumbnail that I'm hoping will hold up.

Turning the View Around

2007-02-20T13:10:00.000-06:00

This is just to say that the Lord is good. My day started turning out badly...Mom called with sad news about how their church was split by divisive problems, it was grey and gloomy outside, I didn't get the grade I wanted on my Music History exam, and a professor said in class that my middle name symbolized death and suicide. I know the last three seem petty, but when you're down, the littlest things will only push you further down.

I was starting on my Eeyore mood pretty well, but Mozart-Man wouldn't take it. After lunch he sat me down, heard the whole story, and hugged me. Then he very gently told me that I didn't need to see the whole world as depressing; no, people aren't very kind sometimes, but look to God for your hope and trust. He'll never let you down. Then Mozart-Man said to look on the brighter side: who knows what the Lord will bring out of this situation with the church, even though it's a sad thing; the sun came out in the afternoon and it's beautiful t-shirt weather now; the grade I got was a 91% which isn't half bad anyways; and just because my middle name used to symbolize sorrow in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries doesn't mean that I have to be silly and think that it does now!

I was able to take a step back and see things a little more clearly, thanks to God. I'll be praying for my family's church back where I came from, and if anyone else reads this, please keep them in your prayers also.

Wishing for Spring

2007-02-20T08:24:00.001-06:00

I'm very ready for cold weather to be over and spring to be here, so I can sit out in my favorite garden on campus.

In this sleepy state of just woken up, my mind isn't exactly thinking of anything in particular, just randomly flitting by. So let me just say that Mexican food is ridiculously inexpensive for a college student, as long as you make it from scratch. The prices are approximately as follows:

+++ A bag of pinto beans- $3-4

+++ A bag of long-grain white rice that will serve even more- $3-4

+++ The veggies needed to make salsa- $4-5

+++ Tortillas- $2-3

All this would provide with a ton of refried beans, enough for at least three pots of them, multiple pans of Spanish rice, a delicious bowl of salsa, and if you have left-over tortillas, they freeze very easily to be re-used later.

This is the recipe from Mom for refried pinto beans. I've never written it down, and I don't think she has either, so forgive me if it's a little vague. My measuring for the beans is approximately two cups of dried pintos, which will make a decent sized pot.

Sort through all the beans, taking out the bad/cracked/broken ones. Put them in a pot with water covering them, at least an inch of water should be above the beans. Let them soak for between six and eight hours. Then drain the water and fill the pot with new water, again at least an inch above the beans. For extra flavor, add several cloves of peeled garlic and salt to taste. Bring to a boil and simmer until the beans are completely soft and not starchy or crunchy. The time this takes will vary according to how much the beans soaked already; it takes mine anywhere from forty minutes to an hour. Make sure that there is always water in the pot; there doesn't have to be a ton of water, but you don't want the beans to boil dry. When they are soft, drain most of the bean juice (save at least a cup), remove the garlic cloves, and put the beans in a skillet heated just below medium temperature. Mash the beans well, depending on how you like the consistency; add more salt, about 3/4 cup of milk, and as much of the bean juice as you want for a more smooth texture. For even more flavor, add grated cheese to melt in the refried beans, and/or salsa.

For the Spanish rice, use about two cups of rice. Have about 3/4 cup to one cup chopped onion and one or two cloves of finely ground fresh garlic ready to be used also. Pour vegetable oil into a skillet, just enough to cover the bottom. After it heats over just above medium temperature, pour in the rice. Constantly stir the rice until it turns a dark golden brown. Then add the onions and garlic; stir until the onions are tender. This takes about half an hour to forty five minutes. Then add approximately three and a half cups of liquid; this can be just water, or the tomato juice from canned tomatos used in the salsa, or ketchup mixed with water to achieve the same effect. At this point, add salt for flavor, and you can also add frozen or fresh peas. Mix carefully (it sizzles a lot), then cover and barely let it simmer. Allow at least twenty minutes to steam, then check the consistency. It's very easy for the rice to burn if you cook it too long, so watch out. When it's done, remove from heat and stir gently; you can add more salt if you want, or salsa, which makes the rice taste especially good.

For the salsa, here's the list of veggies you need:

One bunch of green onions
One lime
Around 40-45 oz. of either canned or fresh tomatos
One bunch of fresh cilantro
Dried japonese red peppers (can be found in the Spanish food aisle)
Several cloves of garlic
Salt to taste

Finely chop the green onions and the cilantro (use only the leaves of the cilantro; I know it's a pain, but the stalks don't taste as good). Grind or mash the garlic and as many peppers as you desire for spiciness (tip: roast the pepper on a hot skillet to bring out more flavor); one pepper will make it mild, two will bring it to medium, three is for those who like salsa that will make your eyes water if you smell it. Use a food processor or stone pestle to make the tomatoes the right consistency, whether chunky or smooth. Add the onion, garlic, and peppers; experiment with how much cilantro you want in it, since it's a very strong herb; I usually put in about half a cup of chopped leaves or more. Add as much lime juice and salt for flavoring as you want and mix well.

There you have it, my Mom's famous Mexican dinner. I'm pretty sure I wrote everything down right. Getting the right quantities of everything is the hardest part, especially when it comes to salt; I always seem to put either too much or too little. But I'm getting there. Thanks goes to my awesome mother who tried so hard to teach me how to cook when I was young, and made me realize the delight of a well-prepared meal! I wish that I had been more interested in her delicious recipes before I went away to college and had to call her up and ask for them : )

Time to learn how to operate a computer

2007-02-19T21:33:00.000-06:00

Because I'm still new to blogging on this site and have no idea how to work html, I'm going to explain the two pictures I put up on the sidebar. They are both from other bloggers' sites, and here are the URLs.

http://loveisallaround.squarespace.com/love-is-all-around/

I think the idea of Love Thursdays is great, so I intend to follow it.

http://www.chookooloonks.com/kindblog/

This is a good aspiration for my blogging; it'll be hard sometimes to remember/follow it, but Lord willing I'll be able to keep the standard.

Anyways,I feel lame for being completely confused about widgets. I apologize to people who tried to click on the links to the pictures with no success.

On the bright side, a professor brought in five boxes of FREE records today at the music department! I got to the spot ten minutes later, but a box and half were already gone. I hurriedly grabbed whatever looked remotely good. What came out of it were these:

+++ Rimsky-Korsakov's Scheherazade, played by the Cleveland Orchestra. These are some of my favorite orchestral works of all time...what a blessing!

+++ Edvard Grieg's Peer Gynt Suite. I already own this on CD, but it's too good to pass up.

+++ Franz Schubert's Die Schone Mullerin, a song cycle of Poems by Wilhelm Muller, with Fritz Wunderlich. I don't listen to much Schubert, but tenor voices singing in German are always welcome.

+++ An Operatic Recital with selections of Saint-Saens, Bizet, Rossini, Verdi, and others sung by Giulietta Simionato. Mmmm, opera.

+++ The Vienna Choir Boys Serenade, with selections from Mozart, Schubert, Schumann, and Brahms. Come on, who doesn't love the angelic sound of boy sopranos? Well, I think they're awesome, no matter how rascally the kids are in real life.

+++ Music from Tristan Und Isolde and Die Gotterdammerung by Wagner, with Margaret Henshaw and the Philadelphia Orchestra. I love this soprano, and Wagner will beef up anyone's day.

+++ The Complete Opera of Il Trovatore by Verdi. It came with an act-by-act summary and a script with all the lines/songs. Yay!

+++ A twelve record set of Light Classical Music, with composers Tchaikovsky, Berlioz, Smetana, Liszt, Mendelssohn, Handel, Ravel, Paganini, Mozart, Debussy, Elgar, and Brahms, just to name a few.

How cool is that? I love it when people drop off random stuff to the music department. Last time someone did that, I gained a rug, a bed linen set, drinking glasses, several pajama shirts, a nightgown, and a shower curtain.

Settling In

2007-02-19T16:06:00.001-06:00

Here are all the scarves that will be put away in the next month or so. They're so bright and colorful on the end of my bed that I'll hate to bury them in a box for the warmth on its way, but such are the seasons.

This transition between Myspace will go well, I hope. I don't like not being able to blog because Myspace won't work, so this site will be great.

For privacy reasons, I'll not use the names of people around me, so here some nicknames that will come up frequently: Mozart-Man, my wonderful boyfriend and best friend, Quiet Roomie, Cheerful Roomie, and Tall Roomie, my three roommates, Mom and Sean, my mother and step-dad who live half-way across the United States, Cat-Child, my lovely younger sister, and Other-Father, my real dad who lives on the West Coast.

Thursday was Mozart-Man's birthday. I can't believe how much he's changed in the year and a half since I've known him! His presents were a bag of socks (he had only a few), a lot of hugs, pizza from Dominos, and a month's worth of love letters. We didn't do much that day since we had classes, Bible study, and work to do, but I took him to the City Museum on Friday night. If you live in Missouri or ever travel through, make sure to stop there. It's not a museum at all, but a giant playground for all ages, especially adults. We didn't get to go on the four story outside jungle gymn, since it was snowing, but the inside was a load of fun. Every time I go, there are new places to explore; they're constantly expanding!

I was going through the book Desiring God (for the third time) with a friend from Bible study, but we decided to make a detour into Hidden Art by Edith Schaeffer. God has been teaching me a lot of tiny lessons lately that show how much I need to see His glory in life. I'm excited to learn how to open my eyes more to His creation.

Tall Roomie ordered Chinese food for dinner, and I got some egg drop soup, so off I go!

Playing Life's Guitar

100th Blog Post!

Thoughts on Current Music Culture

Reverse Racism, edited

Books I've Read Over the Last Seven Months In My Study of Education

Book Fair 2010!!!

THE BEST NEWS!!!

What I Think of Education, Part III

What I Think of Education, Part II

What I Think of Education, Part I

Differing Thoughts on Educating Children

Saturn-Forming the Earth

End the Neck Pain! or, Thank Goodness for Wrestling Gloves

The Quest

After Living In This Place Almost Two Years...

Dreams That Make You More Alive

In Praise of (Gentle)Men

Loving the Snow

Book List

My Sister Blogs Now Too!

Happy New Year, 2010!

Christmas!

Day 19 of No More Sugar

Day 18 of No More Sugar

Days 14-17 of No More Sugar

Days 11, 12, and 13 of No More Sugar

Days 8, 9, and 10 of No More Sugar

Days 6 and 7 of No More Sugar

Day 5 of No More Sugar

Day 4 of No More Sugar

Sheepish/Feeling Foolish/*smacks forehead*

Days 2 and 3 of No Sugar

No More Sugar: Breaking the Addiction, Day 1

Back to the Beginning

More books!

Why I Don't Write Much Lately

Moving, or the Lack Of

How Can a Song Make Me So Mad?

One Gripe and Three Joys

(Late) About Guitar Camp

On Mozart-Man's Eyes

Written at Home, Posted at the Library

43 Things (or 20)

After Graduation

David

I've Graduated

In Honor Of

About a Rally, or I'm Glad I'm Not Arrested

Lewis, the C. S.

Children and Their Education

Labor Day Getaway

What Do We Really Want?

Birthday!

Friendship

Living, not Writing

Luther

Ah, poetry

You Anoint My Head With Oil, My Cup Overflows

Of Green Things and Eating Them

My Shepherd Is Always Near

Alyssa is Not Dead!

The Exciting News!

Back from Chaos

So Much to Do on a Tuesday Night!

Do I Feel Like I am Twenty? No.

A Little Mirth

Almost August Already?!

General Happiness...Probably Because It's Friday

Read Some Poetry

Love the Earth!

Guitar Camp

I think I may have achieved nirvana because of this

For the Better and Worse In Life

Coming Into June

Settling In

Anyone Have Ideas For a House Name Yet?

Give Me Suggestion on What to Name My New Home, Please?

On the Eve of a Move

Allergy Season Has Begun

Crazy Crazy Crazy

Sheepish/Feeling Foolish/smacks forehead